Elon Musk Stopped By Twitter HQ As Part Of His Crusade To “Help Humanity”

October 27, 2022 / Posted by:

The ink isn’t even dry yet, and there are still a number of Is to dot and Ts to cross on Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter, but he’s already thrilled and delighted his soon-to-be employees by instituting a new company tradition— Bring Your Sink To Work Day! According to the BBC, Elon still has until tomorrow to finalize his purchase, but he got a jump start on being the HNIC (what? head nerd/neanderthal, narcissist- take your pick!) by dropping by Twitter’s San Francisco headquarters carrying a porcelain sink. Seems random, I know, but Elon’s not your typical CEO! Elon’s got jokes, and while this gag appears to be solely in service of a very sweaty pun, he tweeted, “Entering HQ: let that sink in,” any employee who doesn’t want to count themselves among the reported 75% reduction in the workforce he has planned, better have laughed their fucking asses off. Those who either didn’t laugh or made themselves scarce when Elon arrived, better hope he says “psyche!” again by midnight tonight.

Here’s Elon’s grand entrance. I don’t know how he thinks he can cut 75% of his employees when it takes two of them just to open the door for his ass.

Guys! It’s a-him, Mario! If you’re a regular Twitter user, or really just a concerned citizen of the world, and are worried that under Elon’s guidance, Twitter will devolve into a scantly regulated free-for-all of hate speech, conspiracy theories, and trolls, then you haven’t been paying attention. But Elon swears he’s going to fix all that. Not by limiting those elements but by letting them soar as free and majestically as the little blue bird who will probably be let go and replaced by an NFT of Harambe the gorilla.

You see, Elon isn’t just saving Twitter from itself; he’s doing it to help humanity, “whom [he] love[s].” You hear that humanity, he thinks we’re pretty cool for a primarily organic species! Especially the corporate beings who pay for advertising. BBC reports:

In a tweet, Mr Musk said he didn’t buy the firm “to make more money. I did it to try to help humanity, whom I love”.

The entrepreneur has until Friday to complete a $44bn (£38bn) takeover of Twitter or risk going to trial.

The tweet addressed to Twitter’s advertisers states that he has “acquired” the firm.

However, there has been no official confirmation that the deal has been completed.

In his latest tweet, Mr Musk set out some of his goals for the company, saying that Twitter must be “warm and welcoming for all”.

He wrote that he wanted “civilization to have a common digital town square” but he denies the platform will take an anything-goes approach.

“Twitter cannot become a free-for-all hellscape where anything can be said with no consequences!” He also said the platform must adhere to the laws of the land.

I’m taking that to mean that Twitter employees who want to keep their jobs better be ready to move to Texas where the only law of the land is that there are no laws of the land. Yee-haw! He’s definitely going to slap a cowboy hat on his Harambe NFT. Here’s Elon making the rounds at Twitter HQ.

Tag yourself! I’m the barista who slipped a laxative into his drink!

Pic: Twitter

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