Someone get an E! or an MTV camera crew up to Long Island, STAT! Dina Lohan and Kate Major–both exes of Michael Lohan–are now full-on living together. If that ain’t the messiest, most morally-bankrupt reality-television series waiting to happen, I don’t know what is!
Apparently Kate Major needs to be a writer on How To Get Away With Murder because she’s allegedly trying to frame Michael Lohan for assaulting her. Michael was arrested for the millionth time for allegedly choking Kate in Southampton, New York on Monday. She called the cops and he was taken to his second home, a jail cell. Well, now the plot thickens. Kate got caught allegedly drinking and driving in the Hamptons on Sunday, a day before Michael’s latest domestic abuse arrest. Michael is alleging that Kate made the whole assault up because he tipped the police off to her drinking and driving. So Kate got revenge. Hell hath no fury like a messy mess ready to spread the mess around.
Big political “Yikes” coming in from Michael Lohan, of all people. The end of the world has to be upon us when people like the Lohans are somehow involved in global political corruption/alleged assassinations. According to Michael, Lindsay Lohan and the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, Mohammad bin Salman, are only “platonic” friends. I mean… uh, okay? Oh, and apparently Lindsay is doing “good work” in “Syria”. I mean, I had to put quotations because… is she?
Dina and Michael Lohan have come together for the love of their child. Well…the love of their child’s opening of some pop-up club that already failed in Mykonos and is inside the Playboy Club. I mean, if a pop-up club where the Lohans are probably the most famous ones there and where Dina can get free Long Island Iced Teas all night long doesn’t bring Dina and Michael together, nothing will. “Sources” say that Dina and Michael’s reunion went well. I don’t know what “well” means in Lohan, but no one got arrested, that we know of, so I guess it really did go well.
Thank god Shakespeare is dead because even he couldn’t take the sad news that true love has officially died. As Dina Lohan has broken up with her boyfriend of 5 years (the one she never met or or even FaceTimed with). And it turns out it’s for the reason that most things go wrong: Michael Lohan.
Kate Major may have married into the Lohan family after becoming half of an unholy union with Michael Lohan, but it’s like she was destined to be a part of their messy, messy bloodline. The Blast is reporting that Kate got into some trouble again, this time with a bus driver.