Lindsay Lohan Is Engaged
And in a PLOT TWIST, that headline is not unfinished and I didn’t mean to write: Lindsay Lohan Is Engaged… In Alleged Shady Activity. Lindsay Lohan is engaged to her boyfriend of about two years, Bader Shammas, a man who may be the only human on earth willing to marry into the Lohan family. I’m sure that Dina Lohan has already introduced herself to every single person who Bader is even a little bit related to by calling them up and saying, “Hello, it’s me, White Oprah, and since we’re family now, I was wondering if you could give me a little loan. I take cash, crypto, all major and minor credit cards, Venmo, Square Cash, Apple Pay, Google Pay, and I can even send a carrier pigeon if that’s easier!”
Lindsay announced the news that she’s going to be somebody’s wife on Instagram and made sure to show off that diamond engagement ring as much as possible. Today is Sunday, which is a day of rest for many, but not Dina Lohan! Her magnifying glass is working overtime as she examines every piece of that ring to figure how much that shit is worth! And I’m shocked that LiLo didn’t tag Andy Cohen to let him know that she’s one step closer to becoming an actual Real Housewife of Dubai, so wink wink.
Bader’s Instagram is private but he re-tweeted Lindsay’s announcement about their engagement. 35-year-old LiLo and 30-something BaSh have been a rumored thing since early 2020. People says that Bader is the Assistant Vice President at Credit Suisse in Dubai and Dubai is where Lindsay has lived for the last seven years. This is Lilo’s second engagement. She was engaged to Russian businessman Egor Tarabasov in 2016 before their everlasting love crashed into a pile of fuckery and they began accusing each other of funding the other’s life.
LiLo’s dad Michael Lohan gave a statement to TMZ where it seemed like he found out about the news from her Instagram account but praised his future son-in-law:
“Based on what’s been released by Lindsay so far, all I’ll say is that I’m so happy for her and Bader, and proud of all she’s doing in life. Bader is a wonderful guy and a great influence on her life. God bless them.”
So Lindsay’s got a new fiance and a soon-to-be Emmy-sweeping Netflix Christmas rom-com! Lindsay IS back (and yes, I feel like I type that every few months). And this weekend is the 15th anniversary of that paparazzi car picture of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay (the one that Paris claims Lindsay crashed). And they’re all either engaged or (*checks to see if Paris Hilton is still married since it’s been a whole two weeks*) married.
While this is happy news for LiLo, it may not be happy news for the children of the world. Parents, handcuff your children to you now, because there’s a chance that LiLo may take to the streets to try to snatch up children again. I mean, she is going to need a flower girl and ring bearer for her wedding.
Pic: Instagram