Lindsay Lohan And Her Husband Made Their Red Carpet Debut, And She Talked About Her Return To Hollywood
Last night was the New York premiere of the new Lindsay Lohan Netflix movie, Falling for Christmas. OK, it wasn’t so much a “premiere” as it was a “fan screening,” but a red carpet is a red carpet, baby! And Lindsay walked it with her new husband, Bader Shammas, and a couple of other very special guests: sister/co-star Ali Lohan, age 28, and her mother, Dina Lohan, age 60. Doneta Melina Nicolette Lohan (née Sullivan) hath returneth!
This past November, Lindsay Lohan announced that she was engaged to her man of a couple of years Bader Shammas. And as everyone Googled, “Who is Bader Shammas?”, Dina Lohan probably Googled, “What is Bader Shammas’ net worth?” (answers: Bader Shammas is a Kuwait-born financier whose net worth is reportedly $4 million). Well, Bader Shammas can now count White Oprah and Michael Lohan as his in-laws because he and LiLo are officially married. We’re really living in the reboot of the early-aughts because every single star from that legendarily messy car picture got married within a year of each other. Paris Hilton got hitched in November and Britney Spears got married last month. Hopefully, LiLo brought a little early-aughts elegance into her wedding by wearing a Von Dutch trucker hat with a veil.
And in a PLOT TWIST, that headline is not unfinished and I didn’t mean to write: Lindsay Lohan Is Engaged… In Alleged Shady Activity. Lindsay Lohan is engaged to her boyfriend of about two years, Bader Shammas, a man who may be the only human on earth willing to marry into the Lohan family. I’m sure that Dina Lohan has already introduced herself to every single person who Bader is even a little bit related to by calling them up and saying, “Hello, it’s me, White Oprah, and since we’re family now, I was wondering if you could give me a little loan. I take cash, crypto, all major and minor credit cards, Venmo, Square Cash, Apple Pay, Google Pay, and I can even send a carrier pigeon if that’s easier!”
Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay, you do not need this. I mean, Lindsay Lohan’s probably already dealing with non-stop calls from Scam Likely (that’s how Dina Lohan comes up on everyone’s phone) who is begging for commissary money for generic-brand Tang and hair bleach to keep up her beauty during her 18-day stint in the clink for her latest DWI. And now LiLo’s dodging flaming polyester hairballs of rage hocked at her by the furries who are pissed over her latest NFT. Yes, the furries are barking mad at LiLo over an NFT. It’s like 2007 and 2021 collided into a pile of Wait, What?!.
Back in 2020, Dina Lohan elevated her craft by scoring herself a DWI charge after allegedly hitting another car in an Outback Steakhouse parking lot and then booking it from the scene of the crime. She was facing six months in the slammer for her actions but she got off with a slap on the wrist. Although, she will be jailed. TMZ says Dina has been sentenced to 18 days in the slammer.
Welcome to 2021— A year unlike any other where Lindsay Lohan gets a three-page piece in The New York Post all about her triumphant return to world domination just as Chrissy Teigen has been shamed into silence for her legacy as a Twitter troll. Do you know how much devastating Lohanaissance material Chrissy probably has saved in her drafts? Sadly, we’ll probably never find out because Chrissy has issued yet another apology for her past behavior and swears she’s left the “insecure, immature” person she used to be in the past. But as Chrissy seeks absolution, there’s one person who’s not going to let her forget the lives she ruined, and that person is Dina Lohan!