ConDRAGulations! RuPaul Finally Won An Emmy!

Before we fully get into the river of depressing smegma that this news week will probably bring, let’s raise a wig and celebrate some happy news: RuPaul finally got his hands around his first Emmy after being in the TV game for eons. HalleluRu!

If award shows always got it right, Ru would’ve gotten his first Emmy in the 90s for Best And Most Glamorous Talk Show host for Vh1’s The RuPaul Show. But since award shows mostly never get it right, that didn’t happen. It only took 20 years, but the title “Emmy-winning RuPaul” is finally a fact.

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Vanessa Hudgens Got Fined For Defacing A Rock

Nature is a wonder. Its beauty is endless, its majesty grand and its tranquility unrivalled. Just ask Justin Bieber. He’s ssssuuuuppppppeeeerrrrr into nature right now. But humans are destructive and selfish. Nature has suffered because of us and our hands are covered in green blood. You’d think that someone who lives for flower headbands and fringe vests would be out protecting it, not destroying it. Like noted Coachella attendee, Vanessa Hudgens. Not cool, Vanessa! Very, not cool!

Page Six reports that Vanessa has had to pay a $1,000 fine for defacing a beautiful, innocent, never-been-to-Coachella red rock wall in Sedona, Arizona. Back around Valentine’s Day she threw up a photo on Instagram of the vandalized rock in question, on which she’d written “Vanessa” and “Austin”, as in Austin Butler, her piece. She deleted it off her Instagram once she realized that its a crime to deface natural features, but this is the internet, where nothing ever dies.

The $1,000 fine seems like she’s getting off too easy. She should be in jail! That poor rock. If you’re going to deface something at least do it nicely. Don’t try and be cute with that pre-school level drawing, Vanessa. You are a grown woman. Act like it. Though it’s common for idiot people to ruin nature’s beauty, the culprits are rarely found, but because Vanessa is a celeb type and put it on the internet she done got caught. It was apparently her followers that reported her ass to the authorities. If you break the law, you’re gonna have to pay one way or another. Now who do I talk to about Grease: Live and the appropriate punishment?

Pics: Wenn, Instagram

Run For The Hills, Coachella Is Here

I’ve been putting up crosses, pictures of the baby Jesus and lighting prayer candles all week to protect myself from the impending apocalypse, which started yesterday. Hell fire rained down, demons joyously jumped through fields and string headband sales skyrocketed. My friends, pray with me… Coachella is upon us. Thankfully, I live on the East Coast, so I’m not in the danger zone, but these things spread. The hell mouth that has opened up in California to let loose boho dresses and string fringe vests could very well continue to grow and swallow the whole world. Let’s take a look at some of the devastation.

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Vanessa Hudgens’ Daddy Has Died

Y’all, 2016 is proving to be The Year of Ls (that means “losses” for anyone here who doesn’t speak hip-hop)—even for the parents of celebrities. Today, Vanessa Hudgens is mourning the loss of her father, Greg Hudgens, after he passed away at the age of 65 from battling stage 4 cancer. Just in case you need a reminder as to how much Vanessa hates cancer, here’s a snippet of her speech she shared Wednesday at the 2015 Industry Dance Awards & Cancer Benefit Show held at Avalon in Hollywood:

“Last year, my boyfriend, Austin, lost his mom, Lori, to cancer, and my dad has just been recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Let me tell you, I hate cancer. I hate cancer with every cell of my being.”

“If you would have asked me two years ago what I thought of cancer, I would have said, ‘Man, you know, it sucks. It’s a horrible disease,'” said Vanessa. “But that’s only because I had not been faced with it personally.”

The 27-year-old Mila Kunis doppelgänger shared the sad news on Twitter with her fans who have watched her document her father’s bout with cancer since August of last year.

I am so sad to say that last night my daddy, Greg passed away from stage 4 cancer. Thank you to everyone who kept him in your prayers.

— Vanessa Hudgens (@VanessaHudgens) January 31, 2016

Gabriella Montez’s loss comes hours before she plays Rizzo in FOX’s Grease: Live which tonight. In light of her father’s passing Vanessa is going on with the show and will actually perform tonight as a tribute to her daddy.

Tonight, I do the show in his honor.

— Vanessa Hudgens (@VanessaHudgens) January 31, 2016

Greg is survived by his wife Gina Hudgens, Stella Hudgens, Vanessa’s 20-year-old sister and Vanessa.

Pic: Instagram.com

The Bright Shining A-List Stars Really Came Out For The People’s Choice Awards Last Night

I almost watched the People’s Choice Awards last night, because there’s something about seeing the few A-listers there making faces that say, “I really need to fire my goddamn publicist for making me go to this shit,” while surrounded by extras from The CW shows and shameless spotlight humpers (see: Frankie Grande). But I shat on that thought and decided to watch the condensation on my water glass for 2 hours instead.

Besides attention whore flamingo Frankie Grande showing up looking like a Great Value version of Caesar Flickman from The Hunger Games (more like The Thirst Games), other stuff actually happened. Sensitive thumb Vin Diesel cooed out another musical tribute to Paul Walker and Melanie Griffith’s daughter made a joke about her tits. But the moment that really made the rounds was the sad re-creation of Kanye West’s “Imma let you finish…” stunt.

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Leave It To Z LaLa To Bring The Magical Glamour To The VMAs

Former HSOTD, “world pop artist” and the white magic sorceress of style Z La La once again used her wizard powers to bring some much-needed sparkle to the MTV VMAs red carpet FLOR carpet. Z LaLa was a spectacular glittery flower in the middle of a field of dull weeds.

Z LaLa not only has a stage name like a Teletubby, but last night she looked like a Teletubby after getting stuck while trying to shape-shift into Lady Gaga. Z LaLa was perfection from the tippity top of her cone dildo wig to the bottom hem of her exploding Christmas ribbon dress. Someone needed to show up to that dreadful award show looking like a Conehead witch who works part-time as an emcee in a Cirque du Soleil show and thank god that Z LaLa was that someone.

Z LaLa strikes me as the kind of fashion icon who really commits to her look and goes all the way, so I’m sure the drapes match the carpet. If you lifted her dress, I’m sure you’d find a long cone of pubes hanging off of her crotch. Z LaLa is also pretty brave for wearing a long black dildo wig to an event where Kartrashians will be. I’m sure Z LaLa had security guards who kept the Kartrashians from trying to climb up her body to fuck her wig.

And one of my other favorite looks of the night came from Our Robotic Lady of Cheetos and her suffocating chichis:

Daddy Spears should give a raise to whoever is responsible for doing Brit Brit up like Double Trouble from She-Ra in the uniform she wears to serve cocktails at a 2-star casino in Reno.

And here’s 6,000 pictures from the VMAs carpet. You should just stop clicking when you get to Rebecca Black, because it doesn’t get more A-listery or relevant than her.

Pics: Wenn.com