Category: Carly Rae Jepsen
Open Post: Hosted By Former HSOTD Mark Kanemura Finally Performing With Carly Rae Jepsen!
Remember Gay Pride rainbow supernova ass-shaker Mark Kanemura and his devastatingly fabulous performance of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Cut To The Feeling?” (How could you forget? One of my friends who is strangely delighted by public pratfalls probably played the vid where he eats the floor on a loop.) Mark was the official Gay Pride HSOTD this summer and people were throwing his vids at Carly Rae left and right. Well, Carly finally got around to performing with the human rainbow of prop drama and it went exactly as you imagined. It was WIGS, WIGS, and then some WIGS. All that was missing was the Babadook shitting glitter over everyone.
The Bright Shining A-List Stars Really Came Out For The People’s Choice Awards Last Night
I almost watched the People’s Choice Awards last night, because there’s something about seeing the few A-listers there making faces that say, “I really need to fire my goddamn publicist for making me go to this shit,” while surrounded by extras from The CW shows and shameless spotlight humpers (see: Frankie Grande). But I shat on that thought and decided to watch the condensation on my water glass for 2 hours instead.
Besides attention whore flamingo Frankie Grande showing up looking like a Great Value version of Caesar Flickman from The Hunger Games (more like The Thirst Games), other stuff actually happened. Sensitive thumb Vin Diesel cooed out another musical tribute to Paul Walker and Melanie Griffith’s daughter made a joke about her tits. But the moment that really made the rounds was the sad re-creation of Kanye West’s “Imma let you finish…” stunt.
Carly Rae Jepsen (Remember Her Ass?) Is Going To Play Cinderella….. On Broadway
And I mean Broadway BROADWAY. I don’t mean a community theater on E. Broadway in Long Beach, CA. I mean the Broadway where thousands of singing actors work for years upon years upon years to get on. That fucking Broadway.
Playbill says that the producers of Cinderella announced yesterday that Justin Bieber’s protégée Carly Rae Jepsen (the Forever 21-wearing, pink iPhone-carrying, Taylor Swift perfume-smelling 14-year-old girl trapped in the body of a 28-year-old Canadian woman) will play the title role in Cinderella on Broadway for 12 weeks beginning February 4, 2014. In my own little corner, in my own little room, I am laughing at this ridiculous stunt casting.
Laura Osnes (aka “Small Town Sandy” to the two of us who watched Grease: You’re The One That I Want) will finish her year-long run as Cinderella in January. The shit news is that Carly Rae Jepsen is the new Cinderella. The good news is that Fran Drescher will take over the role of the evil stepmother on the same day.
Wiki says that Carly Rae Jepsen went to a performing arts college in Victoria, BC and has done theater before, but that doesn’t make this news any less weird. I really hope that the producers tweak this production for Carly Rape (typo and it stays). And what I mean by that is when she meets the prince, I really hope she sings, “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my slipper, find me maybe.”
And if Carly Rae sells tickets, then I’m sure that sometime in the near future we’ll soon see the words: REBECCA BLACK and ALISON GOLD in Wicked on Broadway! Or Justin Bieber as the title role in a revival of Victor/Victoria! Or La Vampy as Sally Bowles in Cabaret! (If God really exists and wants to fill the world with more glamour, he or she will make that last one happen.)
And Yet, Carly Rae Jepsen Still Throws Better Than Me
Carly Rae Jepsen came for Baba Booey’s Worst First Pitch in History title at yesterday’s Rays vs. Astros game in Tampa when she threw the ball and that shit dropped faster than Justin Bieber’s nuts after he saw a pair of real-life tits in person for the first time (it was last week). If the catcher was on the ground and to the left of her ass, she would’ve nailed it! Yes, a dead fish could throw a ball better than Carly Rae, but if she was in my P.E. class, she’d still get picked for a baseball team before me. Letting balls go was never my thing.
Shit, I don’t think I ever even got on a P.E. class baseball team. After the teams were picked, I’d stand by myself on the other side and I’d stare at the ground before the teacher would tell me to go sit against the fence and they’d call me if they needed (aka NEVER).
via Bleacher Report