The 2021 Tony Awards were as novel as the COVID-19 coronavirus which resulted in a truncated season that left Moulin Rouge star Aaron Tveit as the only actor nominated in his category. *Spoiler alert* He won. But this year, Broadway told that bitch Rona, “we’ll do it live, fuck it!” and came back swinging for the 2022 season. Today, the Tony Award nominations were announced, and sadly, Neil Patrick Harris was snubbed for his role in Inside Inside Edition: The Bill O’Reilly Story: The Musical. But that’s probably because A Strange Loop, the Pulitzer-Prize winning musical by Michael R. Jackson, that has an entire number devoted to reading Tyler Perry for filth, gobbled up 11 nominations including Best Musical, Best Original Score, Best Book of a Musical, Best Performance in a leading role for newcomer Jaquel Spivey and Best Performance in a Featured role for John-Andrew Morrison. So really, Madea should be on her hands and knees thanking Michael R. for getting her as close to a Tony Award, and a Pulitzer, as she’ll ever get.
Earlier this week Billy Crystal (seen above with stoner eyes provided by Photoshop and me) went on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon and shared a talk-show-anecdote about how he recently got super-high for an MRI. I’ll take Horrible Ideas for $1000, Blossom! 73-year-old Billy explains to Jimmy that the saga began when he fucked up his right hip while exercising. He went to the doctor, who informed him they needed to do an MRI to investigate. This made Billy anxious cuz he’s very claustrophobic, so while he was alone in the hospital, he popped four edible gummies. Why so many? Well, the guy at the cannabis store (Billyshopped in the senior’s section) told him that two edibles would make him feel “good,” and Billy replied, “I really want to feel fabulous!”
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has yet to find anybody pristine enough to host their little awards show and it’s getting down to the wire. According to The Hollywood Reporter, there have only been 2 times in Oscar history where there hasn’t been a host in place by January 1. Jon Stewart was announced as host on January 5, 2006 and Whoopi Goldberg‘s 4th time hosting the show was announced on January 7, 2002. So there’s still a few days left before a new record is set, but as Kevin Hart proved, even if they pick someone today there’s still the chance that our network of citizen detectives will find out that, say Tom Hanks, once ate a baby on a dare. Then they’d be out a host and we’d never get to see Bosom Buddies rebooted for Netflix.
Early Reviews Of “Mary Poppins Returns” Are Looking Good. Can We Say The Same About The Fashions At The Premiere?
Last night was the world premiere of the much anticipated/hyped Mary Poppins Returns starring Emily Blunt as everybody’s favorite bitchy babysitter. The early reviews are in, and either nobody wants to be the Grinch who shat on Christmas, or it hit its mark. According to Cinema Blend, the majority of the reviews are overwhelmingly positive. One critic called it “practically perfect in every way“. And for the most part, the red carpet looks at the premiere were pretty good too, for the women and children. However, there was a problem in the menswear department.
Okay, so Billy Crystal’s words about how he thinks TV should calm down with showing so much gay sex were taken out of context. Billy never said that he’s sick of TV shows shoving hot, hard, sweaty, long gay sex scenes in his face. He said that he doesn’t really want to see ANY sex scenes, not just the gay ones. Remind me to never watch TV with Billy Crystal.
During a panel at the Television Critics Association Press Tour this past weekend, Billy Crystal said that he thinks TV is pushing it a little too far with the sex scenes and he hopes it doesn’t become an every day thing. Billy made those comments right after talking about playing one of the first openly gay characters in Soap, so many critics and reporters thought his comments were about man-on-man action. A gay editor from Xfinity was there and after the panel, he told Billy that many other critics and reporters asked if he was offended by what was said. Billy responded like this:
“First of all, I don’t understand why there would be anything offensive that I said. When it gets too far either visually… now, that world exists because it does for the hetero world, it exists, and I don’t want to see that either. But when I feel it’s a cause, when I feel it’s ‘You’re going to like my lifestyle,’ no matter what it is, I’m going to have a problem and there were a couple of shows I went ‘I couldn’t watch that with somebody else.’ That’s fine. If whoever writes it or produces it…totally get it. It’s all about personal taste.”
Because of the line about “lifestyles,” it sound like Billy is specifically talking about gay stuff, but he tells The Hollywood Reporter that he doesn’t want to see any naked bodies bumping up against each other. Billy then threw pebbles at The Hollywood Reporter and screamed at them to get off of his lawn.
“What I meant was that whenever sex or graphic nudity of any kind (gay or straight) is gratuitous to the plot or story it becomes a little too much for my taste.”
More fuck scenes for me then! It’s actually a good thing that Billy Crystal doesn’t like any kind of sex scenes, because that means he’ll probably never do a raunchy ass sex scene, which means we’ll never see him get his ass eaten out in Girls or get butt boned while holding onto a tree in Looking. I know, that’s bad news for those of you sucio fucks who want to see that.
I’ve always said that what TV needs more of is hot fuck time action and it really needs more man meat-on-meat meat goodness. My TV watching time would be so much better if scary sights like Donald Trump’s face were replaced with scenes featuring two dudes getting it on. But Billy Crystal completely disagrees with me. The sight of two dudes kissing on TV makes Billy Crystal feel a little weird. You know, it stirs his loins and makes his b-hole get hot and as the dudes continue to make out, the tips of his nipples get moist and his palms get sweaty and he has to cleanse himself of that uncomfortable feeling by standing under a cold shower.
The Wrap says that during the panel for his new FX show “The Comedians” at the Television Critics Association press tour in Pasadena over the weekend, Billy Crystal said some words straight out of “Shit Your 80-Year-Old Grandpa Says While Watching ‘How To Get Away With Murder.‘” Billy thinks that TV is getting a little too comfortable showing gay stuff.