Category: Trailers
Open Post: Hosted By The Full Trailer For Disney’s Live-Action Remake Of “Pinocchio”
I still haven’t seen Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis but after covering it at length, I think I get the basics. Block headed boy is taken under the wing of an elderly stage manager type with suspicious motives and a broadly “European” accent played by Tom Hanks who pulls his strings to make him sing and dance which he’s not really good at until he meets a Black musician who animates his hips and the boy gets super famous and runs off to live a life of and debauchery and adventure before ultimately dying alone on the shitter. Have I got that right or did I just describe to you the entire plot of Robert Zemeckis’ Pinocchio? I’d argue both are correct.
Here’s The Official Trailer For “Blonde” Starring Ana de Armas As Marilyn Monroe
The fact that the hardest working woman in show business has been dead for 60 years speaks volumes about our culture. And since our culture can’t read real good, Marilyn Monroe has about as much chance of resting in peace as Ana de Armas does of wiping Deep Water and all that led up to it from our collective memories. Even if Blonde, for which we now have a feature-length trailer, skyrockets her to stardom, there’s always going to be a faint snail trail left behind.
The Teaser Trailer For “Blonde” Starring Ana de Armas As Marilyn Monroe Is Here
I feel like we’ve been hearing about Blonde, the NC-17 rated Marilyn Monroe biopic starring Ana de Armas, for years, decades, millennia! Rumor has it director Andrew Dominik began production before Marilyn even died. Well, today, all our patience has finally paid off; Netflix released the teaser trailer for the flick. It features an eerie version of “Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend,” slow motion, and black-and-white and color (watch out, Schindler’s List). Translation: this is art, baby!
13 Years Later, Here’s The Teaser Trailer For “Avatar: The Way Of Water”
What if I told you there was a sequel to Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar on the way? I think you’d be pretty stoked, I know I would be. But what if I then told you it was directed by James Cameron and that Jamie Dornan is not in it, as far as we can tell? Perhaps your enthusiasm might begin to wane, as mine did while realizing that I was actually watching a teaser trailer for Avatar: The Way of Water, and not Barb and Star 2: Barb and Star Raid Davy Jones Locker. Variety reports that after 13 years, we finally get a glimpse of what James has been doing all this time, and apparently, he’s been trying to clear the licenses for Lisa Frank’s aquatic series of stickers to complete his vision.
HBO Has Released A Trailer For The “Game of Thrones” Spin-Off “House of the Dragon”
I don’t know who is still clamoring for more Game of Thrones after showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss shit the bed at Westeros during the final season. But HBO spent a lot of money on ratty-looking white-blond wigs and unless they want to cut them up and use them for a limited series called Night of a Thousand Warhols starring Nicole Kidman, they’ve got to recoup their costs somehow. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the GoT prequel, House of the Dragon, is set to premiere on August 21, which is just around the corner. That’s tantamount to it having premiered three weeks ago, by GoT standards, given that it’s barely been 3 years since Dasani, Mother of Hydration, made her small screen debut in the finale.
Kirk Cameron Calls Public Schools “Enemy Number One” While Plugging His Documentary “Homeschool Awakening”
It’s rare to see someone work so hard to destroy their legacy with as much efficiency and speed as Kirk Cameron has. Just 11 years ago, Kirk had reached the pinnacle of his career when he starred in Office Birthday, a subversive work of absurdist art about a former teen-heartthrob whose religious fervor results in a surreal tableau that speaks to the isolation and futility of modern American enterprise. Since then, he’s given us nothing but shitty movie after shitty movie, punctuated by one shitty hot take after another. Kirk’s most recent shitty movie is a documentary called Homeschool Awakening, and his most recent shitty hot take is that America’s public school system has become “public enemy #1.” Kirk was on top of the world, now he’s just another asshole for whom education and empathy are dirty words. He really should have just sat there and eaten his footlongs.