Category: Here Go Hell Come
An Australian TV Reporter Was Suspended For Two Weeks After He Admitted To Not Listening To Adele’s Album During An Interview With Her
“Just suspended? Bitch should be imprisoned for life” said every disciple of Adele who has already memorized every lyric on her new album 30 and had their favorite lyric tattooed on the insides of their eyelids.
Adele’s critically-loved fourth studio album 30 came out on Friday, and was streamed over 60 million times on Spotify in its first day, and hit #1 on the iTunes album chart just hours after it came out. So there are some Adele fans who would’ve given their favorite child’s best kidney to listen to it early. Matt Doran, the host of Australian’s Weekend Sunrise, got the chance to listen to it early since he was interviewing Adele about it, but his lazy ass didn’t even bother. And he didn’t even pull some “furiously read the Cliffs Notes version minutes before the book quiz is given” shit. Matt admitted to Adele that he didn’t listen to the album he was interviewing her about. It got him suspended from his job for two weeks. It also got him inducted into the You Had ONE Job Hall of Shame.
Dame Joan Collins May Be Friends With Kris Jenner But She’s Still Got Shit To Say About The Kardashians’ Plastic Surgeries
That high-pitched screeching sound that is punching you in the eardrums is Katie Couric wailing with the realization that her little memoir, Going There, is going there alright. “There” being the very bottom of the clearance bin next to whatever is left of her good friend Matt Lauer’s career. Because Dame Joan Collins also has a memoir coming out this month. Katie may have thought that dragging the likes of Martha Stewart, Deborah Norville, Prince Harry, Diane Sawyer, and Ashleigh Banfield while sucking on the slimy predator ass of Matt Lauer would sell books. But sorry, Katie’s words are about as interesting as the words on an instruction manual for a spatula now that Dame Joan is dropping a book.
In 88-year-old Joan’s latest book, My Unapologetic Diaries, she lives up to its title by giving her unapologetic thoughts on Linda Evans, Sophia Loren’s teeth, the “real obesity problem” (read: fat Juvederm slug lips), and how her good friend Pimp Mama Kris’ daughters have overtaken China as the leading contributor of plastic waste. Yes, she calls out the Kardashians for getting plastic surgery. Not only will her memoir get a Pulitzer Prize, but it’ll also be the big winner at The Brand New Information Awards.
Detective Twitter May Have Tracked Down The Ariana Grande To Blue Bell Ice Cream
If in the future, Blue Bell protects their creamy deliciousness with one of those annoying plastic security bands of frustration, causing you to break a toof as you try to rip it open with your mouth in the middle of the night because you can’t be bothered with scissors and need that goodness now, blame this SUCIO menace! I mean, there’s definitely a market for saliva-laced ice cream, so she’s not only a dum dum for not getting paid for something some freak would definitely pay for, but she’s also a dum dum for showing the world her crime against humanity, hygiene, and more importantly ICE CREAM!
Cher Called Trump “A Thug With A Lizard Brain” After He Praised Her For Her Immigration Thoughts
I mean, if we’re going to get into a mess involving Trump, Cher, and immigration, we may as well first dust our eyes with some bodyguard hotness and perfectly plucked man brows. Now that our eyes have been cleaned, let’s shit them up!
Cher has long been a liberal warrior who uses Twitter to trash Trump while pushing our brains to their breaking point as we try to figure out what the hell she’s trying to say (but by now many of us are fluent in Twitter Cher). But the other day, Cher cher’d her thoughts on immigration and received slow claps from Trump supporters like James Woods, and even got a cheer from Jabba the Trump himself. It truly is the time to be a parka salesperson in Hell, because so much weird shit is happening (like Trump blowing an air kiss at Cher) and it proves that Hell hasn’t reached above 30 degrees Fahrenheit in ages.
John Mayer Might Be Trying To Get With Kourtney Kardashian
You’re probably already in your end-of-the-world bunker because of (insert anything that’s on the news), but this should really make you get in your end-of-the-world bunker. As soon as soon as the tip of the hood on John Mayer’s David Duke touched the kooze of a Kartrashian, the earth’s core would explode over this unholy union.
On Today’s Episode Of “Shit Jabba The Trump Says”
Those tapes of Donald Trump spewing out verbal snot while on the set of Celebrity Apprentice may never touch the ears of the public, but that isn’t stopping staffers from anonymously spilling shit out to the media. Several employees of the Celebrity Apprentice claim that the flambéed glob of dick curd regularly made fun of Marlee Matlin for being deaf and even dared to shit talk about one of Pimp Mama Kris’ kin.