Category: Boo Hoo

Gwyneth Paltrow Testified At Trial That She Lost A Half Day’s Worth Of Skiing

March 27, 2023 / Posted by:

Day five of Caucasian Court TV’s highest-rated show, The Cashmere Yeti: Vengeance at Deer Valley, is underway and earlier today we heard testimony from Terry Sanderson, the 76-year-old retired optometrist who claims that his life was ruined after Gwyneth Paltrow sent him “absolutely flying” when she skied into him from behind at the Deer Valley Resort in Park City, Utah in 2016. Terry claims to have suffered permanent brain damage that has turned into an unlikable person and robbed him of his ability to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, like wine tasting. On Friday, Gwyneth took the stand and claimed that it was Terry who skied into her that day, and as a result, she “lost half a day of skiing.” She did not, however, blame him for her personality or her inability to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, like food tasting.

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“Incel Hero” Jordan Peterson Cried When Asked About Olivia Wilde Modeling Chris Pine’s “Don’t Worry Darling” Character After Him

September 29, 2022 / Posted by:

One of the scarier subcultures to come out of the batshit crazy political climate we’ve been living through are “incels,” or basically a group of angry, conservative, undesirable men whining on the internet about being utterly unfuckable and how it’s all women’s fault. Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, a Canadian psychologist, often spews rhetoric the incels agree with and makes them feel smart when regurgitating his blather, so he’s emerged as a leader of the incel community. And because Don’t Worry Darling accounts for 97% of all current drama, here we are. Olivia Wilde, still making the rounds promoting DWD–now talking about the actual film rather than the conflicts in the cast and crew–recently said that she based Chris Pine’s character, Frank, around “insane, pseudo-intellectual hero” Jordan Peterson. Jordan recently appeared on Piers Morgan Uncensored and broke down in tears when asked his thoughts about inspiring the unsavory character.

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Kim Kardashian Failed The Baby Bar Exam

May 26, 2021 / Posted by:

Kim Kardashian may be a billionaire, but money can’t buy memorization skills, booboo. And so sadly poor Kim–who has been studying to be a lawyer for some time now–ended up failing the baby bar exam in California and now her dreams of being a real-life Elle Woods (sans the self-awareness, fashion sense, charisma, sparkling personality, etc…) have deflated like her ass when she doesn’t get a tune-up.

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