Lukas Gage Went From A Living In A Tiny Apartment To Dating Kim Kardashian’s Stylist In Record Time

February 21, 2023 / Posted by:

The Devil works hard but his manager, Kris Jenner, works harder. Today in What Won’t She Do news, Kris has somehow managed to turn a working-class hero into another cog in the Kardashian machine, churning out tangential plotlines in exchange for his mortal soul. Or it’s just a coincidence. But two years ago, Lukas Gage was just another one of “these poor people that live in these tiny apartments,” and today, he’s banging around on dune buddies at a luxury Mexican resort with his new boyfriend, Chris Appleton, who just so happens to be Kim Kardashian’s hairstylist. The very one who fried her shit to a crisp Corpse Blonde for the Met Gala last year.

Lukas first came to national attention during those first disorienting months of the pandemic when he shared a video of a director apartment shaming him while on a Zoom audition. Lukas later appeared as a put-upon bellhop at a luxury resort opposite, or, rather, bent over in front of Murray Bartlett in the first season of White Lotus. And his star has been on the rise ever since. Up, up, up so far it’s orbited the earth and come back out the other end. IN HELL. According to Hell’s official newsletter, The Daily Mail:

Actor Lukas Gage and celeb hair stylist Chris Appleton are dating, as the pair were seen in a series of Instagram shots from a recent vacation they took to Punta de Mita, Mexico at the The St. Regis Punta Mita Resort.

Sources confirmed to the outlet Just Jared that Appleton, 39, and Gage, 27, are romantically involved with one another as the pair took their relationship Instagram Official following the tropical getaway.

In a series of photos, the men were seen riding a four-wheeler on a trail, with both donning helmets, bandanas and goggles on the outdoor excursion.

Appleton has worked with notable names such as Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian and Ariana Grande, with his work appearing in publications such as Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar and Vanity Fair.

Gage, who has also been seen on The White Lotus, has films on tap including Down Low, Road House and Parachute. He compared navigating his Hollywood career with his love life in an interview for The Hollywood Reporter earlier this month.

‘I do think everything works out the way it’s supposed to, but I wasn’t always able to see that,’ he said. ‘I’m getting better at it every year. The older I get, the more I realize I have no control over anything.

Oh, you sweet, sweet summer child: Winter is coming. Here’s Lukas’ dispatch from the underworld. He’s made sure to tag the resort as per his dark-sided contract. And his new gentleman friend has commented “stud 😍,” although it’s unclear which of them he’s referring to.

Chris posted a similar set of images, but his included an obligatory thirst trap (See: section IV, paragraph 5: Thou shalt bare thy flesh in my unholy name a minimum of thrice weekly). His post was preceded by a glimpse of what Kim Kardashian may have up her sleeves for the Met Gala 2023 coming up in May.

That’s right. Embalming fluid. This year she’s going all out and will, I presume, don Marilyn Monroe‘s actual corpse if she can manage to cram her ass into it without following her to grave. And all that time spent with the Kardashians has rewards outside of the fleshly variety. If Lukas can keep up his end of the bargain, there’s no reason to doubt he, too, might be accepted into one of the most prestigious institutions of higher learning in all the land.

Hopefully, if things don’t work out, there’s still a shitty apartment out there somewhere Lukas can return to. There’s still time for Lukas before his contract becomes irrevocable and he’s locked in for all eternity. But he has to act soon, or it will be too late. I’m afraid it’s already too late for Chris. He’s forever going to be one of those poor people who live in tiny time loops where they’re forced to prune and primp for Pimp Mama Kris for the rest of their days.

Two words, Lukas: Get. OUT!

Pic: Instagram

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