Category: Joan Collins

Everyone Can Go Home Now, Dame Joan Collins Graced The Lessers With Her Presence At The Met Gala

May 6, 2019 / Posted by:

When Dame Joan Collins first announced on Instagram that Anna Wintour has finally done something right by inviting her to the Met Gala (actually, she was a guest of Valentino, who should get a Nobel Peace Prize for making that decision), I figured that every single guest would call in with a case of diarrhea because they knew that it’s impossible to compete with the blinding light of pure glamour that is Joan Collins! I’m guessing that’s why the usual ruler of the Met Gala, Rihanna, didn’t go. But because many celebrities are delusional and have zero self-awareness (see: Bella Hadid in the background having the AUDACITY to get in Joan’s shot!), they showed up. Although, I’m sure they all realized the mistake they made and are down at the Dallas BBQ eating their feelings over Dame Joan Collins effortlessly showing their asses up in a serious way.

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Jackie Collins Has Been Reincarnated As A Fly, So Says Joan Collins

December 3, 2018 / Posted by:

The Observer made every serious world-renowned journalist ooze thick globs of jealousy from every one of their pores when they landed an interview with the goddess herself, Dame Joan Collins. The Observer sent Sophie Heawood to Joan Collins’ luxurious Beverly Hills palace in the sky to do a long profile on the BIGGEST STAR IN THE WORLD!!! You can read the entire thing here, but of course, the thing that caused me to throw my fly swatter in the trash was Dame Joan saying that she believes her dead sister Jackie Collins, the BIGGEST AND GREATEST LITERARY GENIUS IN THE WORLD FOREVER AND ALWAYS, has been reincarnated as a fly that follows her around the world. And yes, that is a real picture of the opulent fly who Joan believes is Jackie Collins.

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Ryan Murphy Has Somehow Managed To Nab The Biggest Star In The World For The Next “American Horror Story” 

April 4, 2018 / Posted by:

Alternate title: Dame Joan Collins To Save “American Horror Story”!!

The following so-called famous people have been in past seasons of American Horror Story: Jessica Lange, Connie Britton, Angela Bassett, Kathy Bates, Joseph Fiennes, Sarah Paulson, Matt Bomer, Lady Gaga, James Cromwell, Cuba Gooding Jr., Frances Conroy, Emma Roberts, and Michael Chiklis. But AHS could never say that it was filled with blinding star power until now.

The Hollywood Reporter did a big profile on Ryan Murphy’s $300 million Netflix deal, and he dropped a few little nuggets. He’s thinking of doing a Barbra Streisand/Lady Gaga variety show (no, thank you), he’s contemplating a wellness show (another “no thanks” to GOOP TV), says that American Crime Story: Katrina is still in the works, and that an ACS season of the Monica Lewinsky/Clinton scandal has been canceled. (Ryan doesn’t think it’s his place to tell Monica’s story, and will only do it if she’s a producer and will get money out of it.) Buried in Ryan’s THR profile is a stage 10 bombshell: Dame Joan Collins is going to be in the next season of American Horror Story. THR probably buried the lede, because if they put it in the headline, their site would’ve crashed.

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Calling Alexis Carrington! Your Daughter Amanda Carrington #1 Needs You!

October 25, 2017 / Posted by:

The face of Catherine Oxenberg, who played Amanda Carrington #1 for two seasons on Dynasty, has been at the top of People’s page all morning. And while I think that a Dynasty cast member should be at the top of People’s page all the time, Catherine Oxenberg is on People for some serious shit. Catherine is trying to save her 26-year-old daughter India Oxenberg from what she says is a cult that has brainwashed her daughter and also milked India’s inheritance. The cult isn’t Scientology, so Little Lord David Miscavige is probably getting on Tom Cruise’s shoulders so he can slap each one of his Scientology account managers for not nabbing Catherine Oxenberg’s daughter!

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