And Now For The Dudes Of The Oscars

We’re finally ending our never-ending Oscar coverage today and the best way to end it is with some man pieces who were probably suffocating in their nut-hugging pants and wanted to take it all off halfway through the show. They should’ve. It would’ve made that mess a hundred million times better and awakened all my senses.

My best dressed chick of the Oscars is definitely Charlize Theron, because with that ponytail, casual diamond earrings and daytime gold la-may gown, she was done up like Alexis Carrington making a quick trip to the supermarket. It was very daytime casual Dynasty. And my best dressed dude is definitely Ryan Gosling, who looks like he reeks of Jovan Musk oil and is about to pick you up in his dad’s gold two-tone Lincoln Continental Mark V to take you to the senior prom where he’s going to feel you up while slow dancing to The Closer I Get To You. And he’s definitely the one who spiked the punch.

Ryan wore Gucci (duh) and I couldn’t tell if those were actual ruffles or trompe l’oeil ruffles (Side note: I don’t do drag, but if I ever did, I’ve got dibs on the name Tramp Louie Ruffles.) And then there’s the smooth rat Pharrell, who dressed like a maître d at an underground restaurant that only serves virgin blood and is owned by Kunty Karl. There’s a reason why Pharrell looks like that. He’s wearing Chanel.

And here’s a million more pictures of the dudes from the Oscars. Come for Mahershala Ali and come again for hot piece of wood Jamie Dornan.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Pharrell Williams’ Wife Gave Birth To Triplets

Back in September, it was reported that Pharrell Williams was going to be a daddy for the second time. As it turns out, that report was incorrect. Vanity Fair says he recently became a daddy for the second, third, and fourth time. Pharrell’s wife Helen Lasichanh gave birth to triplets. Triplets! Poor Helen’s uterus. I bet every time Pharrell started singing Happy, her max-capacity uterus was like “Happy? Speak for yourself. I’m like a damn Puppy Surprise over here.”

Pharrell’s rep tells Vanity Fair that Helen gave birth to their three-pack of babies earlier this month. His rep wouldn’t say anything else, like what they had, what they named them, or if they use Pharrell’s giant hat to carry them all around the house. Pharrell and Helen’s three new babies join their 8-year-old son Rocket.

That picture of Pharrell and Helen strolling out of Barneys was taken at the end of December, which means that’s what Helen looked like just a couple weeks before giving birth to triplets. I’ve never had one baby, let alone three, but I feel like I would look like hot death farted in that final month. Helen looks totally normal. Present-day Helen, on the other hand, is probably looking back on that time like “LOL remember when I used to go places and didn’t have three kids attached to me?” Actually, now that I think about it, this might be the first year Pharrell actually ages in the face. Non-stop exposure to three tiny screaming, wet-pooping infants will do that to a person.

Pic: Splash

Open Post: Hosted By Nicole Kidman In Taylor Swift Circa 2007 Cosplay

Oh, Nicole, Nicole, please save your Taylor Swift role-play costumes for your bedroom times with Keith Urban. Our eyes don’t need it!

“Hmmm, I don’t remember seeing a badly made Taylor Swift wax figure on the guest list,” said the organizers of the opening gala of the Palm Springs International Festival last night when Nicole Kidman walked the red carpet in one of Elle Fanning’s old dresses that her kids doodled on. That dress was made by Dior, but it looks more like something from David Bridal’s collection of wedding clothes inspired by Angelina Jolie’s doodled-on wedding dress. That whole look is giving me a Big situation. Because of that end-of-the-night prom hair and that dress from Justice, it looks like a little girl took over her body and made all of the design decisions for her. It’s a little Whatever Happened To Baby Jane goes to spring formal.

Thankfully, glamorous savior Suzanne Somers once again cleansed the red carpet of messy dreadfulness with her Ann Jillian razor cut, Wayland Flowers-approved rouge and L’eggs covered legs.

If it went with her ensemble, I’d say that Suzanne Somers should get a Medal of Honor for saving events with her sparkly glamour!

And here’s more pics from the Palm Springs International Film Festival including Natalie Portman wearing Darth Vader maternity chic and Pharrell Williams looking like the manager at a matador-themed gay club that only plays songs from the 80s.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Pharrell Williams Is Going To Be A Daddy For The Second Time

It’s Babies of The Voice week, apparently. It was reported yesterday that Adam Levine’s wife Behati Prinsloo popped one out on Wednesday, and last night, everyone found out that Pharrell Williams and his wife Helen Lasichanh are going to be parents again.

People says that 43-year-old Pharrell and 36-year-old Helen showed up to the Chanel fragrance event in L.A., and it was pretty obvious from her bulgy stomach situation that she’s pregnant again. Pharrell and Helen already have a 7-year-old son named Rocket Ayer Williams.

Pharrell told Oprah two years ago that they chose to name their son “Rocket” because it represents something meant to go up or ascend. They take baby naming very seriously. I can’t wait to hear what they name this next one. If they’re committed to that “things that go up” theme, then my suggestion is Drop Zone. Because who wouldn’t want to be named after the most dangerous theme park ride?

At the very least, I just hope that when Helen gives birth, one of the first things they do is call up Anne Geddes and do a newborn photoshoot featuring Baby No. 2 sleeping in Papa Pharrell’s favorite hat.

Here are a few more pictures of Pharrell and Helen at that Chanel party. I don’t know what look Pharrell was going for with that problem pattern shirt and straw hat. But if it was “sleepy-in-the-face Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi High“, I’d say he nailed it.

Although I wouldn’t say he did it better. You can’t beat the original.

Pics: Splash, CBC

Like Lady Gaga Would Really Get Married On The Shush

Lady Gaga’s birthday is today and she celebrated the anniversary of her 30th year alive this past weekend by throwing herself a big party in L.A. that brought out bright shining A-list stars like Lisa Vanderpump, Asslee Simpson, Evan Ross and Lisa Rinna and low-rent has-beens like Taylor Swift and Kate Hudson. While working a painted-up face that screamed Clown School Carol Channing, CaCa strolled into her birthday party with her man Taylor Kinney, and everybody should’ve been screaming for the police since she obviously stole a dress out of the closet of Bette Midler’s Big Business character. But people weren’t doing that, because they were too busy staring at what looked like a wedding band on her finger.

When that hot piece of panty cream-inducing hotness Taylor Kinney and CaCa got engaged two Februaries ago, he gave her a heart-shaped diamond engagement ring. On Saturday night, she switched out that Mariah Carey kidney stone-looking ass ring for a plain gold band. So some think that Taylor Kinney is now officially Lord CaCa, because they got secret married.

I don’t know…..

If Lady CaCa gets married in a ceremony that isn’t televised to this planet and others, and doesn’t feature a wedding dress made out of live white doves, vows done entirely in a language created just for them, a 15-hour-long performance art piece by Marina Abramović and a first dance where little people dressed up as cherubs barf glitter-infused metallic paint on them, did Lady CaCa really get married at all? I think not!

Pics: Splash

Missy Elliott Is Back!

By popular demand (Side note: Will all you loyal Missy Elliott fans who dropped this in my inbox also please send an email to the Super Bowl people begging them to make Stacey Q the star of their halftime show, PLEASE) here’s Missy Elliott’s first music video in 7 long years. Missy took a break from the game to be treated for Graves’ disease and is now back with WTF (Where They From), the first single off of her new album. The video for WTF has glitter lips, the smooth rat Pharrell Williams, hot moves, air-humping marionettes and Segway hoverboard action.

If I watched this video a few weeks ago, I would’ve eye rolled after seeing Missy on one of those douche boards, but I’ve grown to love them and appreciate them. I knew that the handlebar-less Segway was a gift to humanity when I watched a dude eat concrete while trying to ride one down the sidewalk. Watching a ho fall is pure entertainment and those hoverboard Segways are taking it to the next level, so we should all embrace it. But I digress…

Here’s Missy letting tricks know that they can go ahead and exit the stage since she’s back:

And my favorite part of the video is when Missy becomes a human Maru and gets into a box and gives it good. (That’s not a euphemism, this time.)

The next time you move and finish unpacking all of the boxes, turn on this song, jump in with your friends and bust out some box-o-graphy. (I know, I’m acting like everyone unpacks in one day and it doesn’t take us all 6 years to unpack. I just keep everything in a box so it’s ready for the next time I move. No, that’s not called “being a lazy bitch,” it’s called being, “SMART!“)