Some of our livers are currently screaming, “Please don’t play a drinking game where you do a shot every time Amy Schumer says some stupid shit, we can’t take it!”, which means the 2022 Oscars are tonight (now with fewer awards and even more montages)! Oscar-winner Mark Rylance, who is in Best Picture nominee Don’t Look Up, has already said that he’s not going to tonight’s Oscars because to para-quote legendary philosopher Ouiser Boudreaux, why would Mark go to the Oscars when he can nap at home for free?! Lin-Manuel Miranda also announced that he won’t be at tonight’s Oscars, but it’s not because he thinks that shit is boring, it’s because his wife just tested positive for COVID-19.
The Met Gala usually happens on the first Monday in May every year, but things got messy when COVID hit back in 2020. The 2020 Met Gala, the theme of which was “About Time,” was quickly canceled. The 2021 Met Gala was postponed, and later held four months later in September, the theme being “In America: A Lexicon of Fashion.” But the 2022 Met Gala is returning to its traditional spot on the first Monday in May, and it’s pretty clear Anna Wintour has an HBO Max subscription because this year’s theme is “Gilded Glamour.” I can practically hear Christine Baranski’s snobby old Agnes van Rhijn whispering to her sister Ada, “How nice for the new money set to have such an opportunity to show off what they recently purchased from Montgomery Ward.”
In The Heights, the new movie musical written by Lin-Manuel Miranda (Hamilton) and directed by Jon Chu (Crazy Rich Asians), did a bad job of representing the racial diversity of the Washington Heights, New York neighborhood in which it is set. On that fact there seems to be no argument. And it’s not just something the nebulous “internet” is saying either. Charges of colorism and a lack of dark-skinned Afro-Latinx representation grew to a crescendo over the weekend after Jon and cast members Melissa Barrera (who is Mexican) and Leslie Grace (above, who is Afro-Latina) were asked about it an interview with Felice Léon of The Root. It did not go well. So now Lin’s released a statement himself acknowledging that “in trying to paint a mosaic of this community, we fell short.” Somewhere Gina Rodriquez is thanking her lucky stars she can’t sing and gets a free pass on this mess.
As you sit there preparing to tuck into a can of beans you heated up over a flaming barrel fire fueled with the last stick of a broken down dining room chair and a volume of out-of-date encyclopedias, try to remember— things could be worse. At least you have beans. Just not as many beans as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has. He earned $87.5 million dollars this year making him the highest-paid actor of 2020 according to Forbes.
If over the July 4th weekend, scores of Disney+ subscribers toppled their TVs and threw them into the toilet in protest, it was probably over the glorification of Baby Yoda, a known slave owner, and not because of Hamilton. Trust me, there’s no level of slaveholding that’s gonna keep a Hamilhead from getting their Hamilfix. Hamilplease! But things being what they are, Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda has received criticism that the show glosses over the fact that most of the founding fathers depicted in it were slave owners. Writer Tracy Clayton kicked off a conversation about it on Twitter, and Lin has responded. Imagine bothering Lin about this when Baby Yoda’s right there sitting on a pile of ill-gained Zygerrian gold.
Here’s a little something to tide you over until the year 2040 when Hamilton eventually closes on Broadway and they can finally make movie version of it starring Psalm West as Hamilton, Bible Bieber-Bladwin as Aaron Burr, and in a surprisingly witty piece of stunt casting, Archie Mountbatten Windsor as King George. It’s In The Heights aka Bodega: The Musical!