Category: Samuel L Jackson
Open Post: Hosted By Samuel L. Jackson’s Reaction To Jonah Hill Surpassing Him As The Premier Swearer Of Hollywood
A couple of years ago, Samuel L. Jackson’s cursing crown was snatched up by Jonah Hill thanks to all the fuck words that Jonah says in Wolf of Wall Street. I’m sure Samuel has been cursing about this to himself ever since. And while on The Tonight Show to promote his AppleTV+ show, The Last Days of Ptolemy Grey, Jimmy Fallon brought up how Samuel no longer holds the record for the most swear words uttered onscreen and is in third place behind Jonah and Leonardo DiCaprio. Samuel’s response? “That’s some bullshit!”
Someone Mistook Samuel L. Jackson For John Travolta At A Party…
In “What the actual fuck?” News: Page Six is reporting that a fan mistook legendary actor Samuel L. Jackson for semi-legendary drag queen, John Travolta. How could they mistake two men completely different in talents and also, you know, ethnicity? That should be obvious: booze.
Quentin Tarantino Is Working On A Film About The Manson Murders
Quentin Tarantino said last year that he was going to retire after making his tenth movie. He’s got two more movies to make to meet that goal of 10. At the time of his announcement, it was rumored he wanted to make an Australia Bonnie & Clyde-type film. No word on if he’s still interested in bank-robbing kangaroos (I’m assuming), but we do know that his next film is rumored to be about the 1969 Manson Murders.
Brie Larson Not Clapping For Casey Affleck Meant Exactly What You Thought It Meant
Brie Larson won a lot of Best Actress awards last year for Room, so this year she got the job of presenting Best Actor at a few award shows. Casey Affleck won many Best Actor awards this year. Brie had to say Casey’s name twice and when she did, she did it with the least amount of enthusiasm as possible. I’ve seen STD results delivered with more oomph. Brie’s excitement level was set to “I’d Rather Be At The DMV On A Monday Morning” when she handed Casey the Golden Globe, and she didn’t clap when he won the Oscar. Brie meant to do all that.
And Now For The Dudes Of The Oscars
We’re finally ending our never-ending Oscar coverage today and the best way to end it is with some man pieces who were probably suffocating in their nut-hugging pants and wanted to take it all off halfway through the show. They should’ve. It would’ve made that mess a hundred million times better and awakened all my senses.
My best dressed chick of the Oscars is definitely Charlize Theron, because with that ponytail, casual diamond earrings and daytime gold la-may gown, she was done up like Alexis Carrington making a quick trip to the supermarket. It was very daytime casual Dynasty. And my best dressed dude is definitely Ryan Gosling, who looks like he reeks of Jovan Musk oil and is about to pick you up in his dad’s gold two-tone Lincoln Continental Mark V to take you to the senior prom where he’s going to feel you up while slow dancing to The Closer I Get To You. And he’s definitely the one who spiked the punch.
Ryan wore Gucci (duh) and I couldn’t tell if those were actual ruffles or trompe l’oeil ruffles (Side note: I don’t do drag, but if I ever did, I’ve got dibs on the name Tramp Louie Ruffles.) And then there’s the smooth rat Pharrell, who dressed like a maître d at an underground restaurant that only serves virgin blood and is owned by Kunty Karl. There’s a reason why Pharrell looks like that. He’s wearing Chanel.
And here’s a million more pictures of the dudes from the Oscars. Come for Mahershala Ali and come again for hot piece of wood Jamie Dornan.
The Director Of “The Legend Of Tarzan” Should Be Blacklisted From Hollywood For This!
In case you couldn’t tell from me type screaming “For why isn’t he wearing a loincloth?” every time I post about Alexander Skarsgard in The Legend of Tarzan, Alexander Skarsgard does not wear a loincloth in The Legend of Tarzan. In the movie, Tarzan is summoned back to the jungle while shopping at a Land End’s outlet, so he has to quickly buy a pair of baggy pedal pushers and get on the next boat out of that bitch. Tarzan not wearing a loincloth is not only offensive to those of us who wanted several eyefuls of ASKars’ Swedish stems and bulge, it’s also very offensive to historians. Because any historian will tell you that if Tarzan existed, he would’ve worn a g-string banana hammock made out of actual banana peels. But if it was up to ASkars, he would’ve given us desperate hard-up hos a loincloth show.