When it comes to commitment, there is dedication––and then there’s Duane “The Rock” Johnson who will literally tear the shit out of a wrought-iron gate rather than be late for work. And that’s exactly what happened yesterday when he was faced with a looming deadline that just could not be missed. I, for one, think this was a bad move. I mean, what a dummy. He had the ultimate rich-person excuse for staying home: “Sorry guys, I can’t come into work today. The gate outside of my mansion was acting up and wouldn’t open for me. Now I’m stuck inside. I’ll probably need the weekend off, too.”
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and his family may look strong in that picture, but apparently they weren’t powerful enough to fight off COVID-19. Yep, corona got The Rock! And his wife Lauren Hashian, and their two young daughters, Jasmine, 3, and Tiana, 2. They all tested positive for coronavirus a few weeks ago. The Rock announced the bad news in an 11-minute Instagram video.
Luckily, The Rock says he and his family are on the other side of the illness, and “we’re counting our blessings right now”. Jasmine and Tiana suffered minimal symptoms and recovered after a couple of days, but the virus wasn’t as easy on The Rock and Lauren.
As you sit there preparing to tuck into a can of beans you heated up over a flaming barrel fire fueled with the last stick of a broken down dining room chair and a volume of out-of-date encyclopedias, try to remember— things could be worse. At least you have beans. Just not as many beans as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has. He earned $87.5 million dollars this year making him the highest-paid actor of 2020 according to Forbes.
Screenrant says that Tim Burton‘s 2005 remake of Charlie & The Chocolate Factory could have been a very different movie. While the role of Willy Wonka was disturbingly played by Johnny Depp in Bizarro World Anna Wintour drag, it seems another actor could have ended up wearing that bob wig. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was considered for the role of Willy Wonka. Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? It is sweet and delicious!
Just when I had all but given up on the world, Digital Information World swoops in to restore my faith in humanity. According to DIW, Hopper HQ’s 4th annual Instagram Rich List just named The Rock the most bankable celebrity on the platform, beating the previous year’s winner Kylie Jenner. Look I know it may not be much, but even an incredibly obscure and essentially meaningless list I’d never heard of before today proclaiming a decrease in Kylie Jenner’s appeal, is enough to keep me from sticking my head in the oven on this particular overcast Thursday afternoon. However, I’m keeping that shit preheated because I also learned that The Rock “enjoys a net worth of $1,015,000 per post” you know, as a treat.
The new remake of the 1951 John Huston classic, The African Queen, that starred Katharine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart finally has a trailer. For some reason they’re calling it Jungle Cruise and it stars Emily Blunt and The Rock. It does make me wonder though. It’s a Disney movie, and coincidentally, there just so happens to be a ride at Disneyland called Jungle Cruise. It’s almost too on the nose. Could it be that it’s not a coincidence at all? Nah! There’s no way in hell they’d try to make an entire movie based on the flimsy premise of a lazy river from which a dusty hippopotamus sprays stagnant pond water on a boatload of sunburnt tourists. Sure, they did make all those Pirates of The Caribbean movies, but those only grossed a measly $5 billion worldwide! Surely Disney wouldn’t attempt the same folly twice!