Category: Original Fergie
Princess Beatrice’s May Wedding Has Officially Been Canceled Because Of Coronavirus
Coronavirus just put on a pair of earplugs because the sound of an angry princess screeching at it is strong enough to take it out, finally.
In news we all saw coming faster than a virgin during his first time, Princess Beatrice and her fiance Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi (both giving you “zombie deers caught in the headlights” in the picture above) have decided that getting married on May 29 is just not possible. And the thought of picking out a replacement date hasn’t even entered their heads yet, so they say.
Princess Beatrice’s Wedding Reception At Buckingham Palace Has Been Canceled Due To Coronavirus
I feel like the universe has been trying to tell Princess Beatrice that the royal wedding of her dreams just ain’t gonna happen since the day she was born to that toe-sucking aficionado Original Fergie and that FBI dodger Prince Andrew. Even if neither of her parents’ many scandals over the years have managed to put the kibosh on it completely, in struts the coronavirus threatening to lick all the silverware and replace all of the DJ’s records with scratched singles of The Macarena. According to People, Bea’s scheduled May 29 wedding to Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, has now been postponed for the third time. ¡Hey, Macarena!
None Of The Senior Royals Attended Prince Andrew’s 60th Birthday Party
According to The Daily Mail, Prince Andrew celebrated his 60th birthday with a scaled down intimate family gathering instead of the “lavish bash” (via New York Post) his mother The Queen had previously planned for him. It was so intimate in fact, that his own siblings, Prince Charles, Princess Anne and Prince Edward, were not in attendance. Instead, it was just Andrew and mumsy sitting criss-cross applesauce on the dining room table with a sad Tesco birthday cake between them like Sam and Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles. Oh, and Formula One racing billionaire Bernie Ecclestone was also there. Plus a few others. But just like 50 people including China’s UK ambassador Liu Xiaoming and “racing heir” Guy Sangster and his wife Fiona. Fun fact: Andrew partied with Guy and Fiona at Tramp nightclub “just 72 hours” after he, allegedly, profusely sweated upon Virginia Giuffre at the very same club!
Princess Beatrice’s Wedding Is Set For This May
When Princess Beatrice got engaged to her alleged cheating slut of a boyfriend, real estate mogul Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, she probably thought she was going to get an extravagant Disney princess wedding like her sister Princess Eugenie did (complete with MILLIONS of adoring subjects). But then her father Prince Andrew’s name came up more and more as being a good friend to dead pedo Jeffrey Epstein and we heard more and more about how one of Epstein’s alleged sex trafficking victims Virginia Giuffre was forced to have sex with Prince Andrew. And Prince Andrew gave that interview that should be on Wikipedia’s list of history’s biggest disasters. That caused a wave of shit to knock away Bea’s dreams of waving from an opulent royal carriage at all the peasants who came out to see her (read: the tumbleweeds and crickets, no offense to tumbleweeds and crickets).
For a minute there, it looked like maybe that Edoardo dude would realize that the Royal Family step on the social ladder is half-broken and stepping on it will cause him to fall to the bottom, and he’d call off the wedding. But that didn’t happen, and now People has spit up the date for Bea and Edoardo’s date. .
Fergie Came To The Defense Of Duchess Meghan
We all know that Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry won’t be spending Christmas with Queen Elizabeth (who is said to be very disappointed), which adds one more layer to the theory pushed by the British press that Meghan is tearing Harry’s family apart. The Sussexes are currently suing the British press for what they believe is a deliberate attack on Meghan’s character. The Queen and the rest of the royal family could have leaped into action and helped Harry defend his wife, but they haven’t done that. However, there is one surprising public cheerleader in Meghan’s corner, and that’s Sarah, Duchess of York.
Prince Andrew’s Daughters Beatrice And Eugenie Are Said To Be “Deeply Distressed” But Remain Loyal
This was finally supposed to be Princess Beatrice’s year. If her daddy Prince Andrew could have just kept his dumb mouth shut a little while longer, his involvement in the what I’ll now call “The Epstein Bother”, might have blown over in time for Bea to have the wedding of her dreams. As it stands, Bea will be lucky to get that Pizza Express in Woking to cater the event because according to The Daily Beast, Princess Bea’s wedding to Italian property tycoon Edo Mapelli Mozzi, will be “among the first casualties of Andrew’s new reduced status.” All the same, Bea and her sister Princess Eugenie are sticking by Andrew despite being “deeply distressed”, which is slightly better than “appalled” but not nearly as good as “scandalized!”