After realizing that a big ass royal wedding was not possible during THESE TIMES, Princess Beatrice and her property developer fiance, Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, had themselves a much, much smaller wedding in one of the smaller party rooms at the Pizza Express in Woking. No, but it was a pretty simple affair (for the royals) and now they’ve released pictures of Princess Bea’s socially distanced wedding including the one above of THE QUEEN thinking, “Let’s get this affair on, love, I’ve got work to do!”
Well, Edoardo Mapeli Mozzi blew his last chance to avoid being related to Prince Andrew and The Original Fergie. According to People, Edo and Princess Beatrice finally just went ahead and did the damn thing. They were married this morning in a private ceremony at The Royal Chapel of All Saints at Royal Lodge, Windsor (AKA her parent’s house). The ceremony was attended by a handful of close friends and family and was conducted “in accordance with all relevant Government Guidelines,” How romantic! It marked the first time THE QUEEN and Prince Philip have left their Quoronaqueentine (™) bubble since going into lockdown with 22 of their most loyal staff, 19 of which are in charge of operating Philip’s puppet-matronics.
Prince Andrew And Sarah Ferguson Are Facing Legal Action Over Their Failure To Pay $8 Million On A Swiss Chalet They Bought
It’s a good thing Prince Andrew isn’t in Quoronaqueentine (™) at Windsor Castle with his mom because he’s in trouble with the law, again, and it would be a shame if he had to suffer her wrath in person. And by her wrath I mean a breathy, disappointed “oh, Andrew,” which really doesn’t have the same devastating impact when delivered over Zoom. According to The Guardian, Andrew and his ex-wife, Original Fergie, are facing legal proceedings over missed payments on a $22 million chalet in Switzerland they jointly purchased as a vacation home in 2014. Andrew and Fergie currently owe over $8 million dollars that was due in December, 2019. I’m sure they meant to pay it, but earlier that year, their credit line at The Bank of Epstein was suddenly canceled out of the blue.
Coronavirus just put on a pair of earplugs because the sound of an angry princess screeching at it is strong enough to take it out, finally.
In news we all saw coming faster than a virgin during his first time, Princess Beatrice and her fiance Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi (both giving you “zombie deers caught in the headlights” in the picture above) have decided that getting married on May 29 is just not possible. And the thought of picking out a replacement date hasn’t even entered their heads yet, so they say.
Edoardo Mapeli Mozzi has just been given yet another chance to cut and run before throws it all away by marrying into Britain’s #1 crime family. The Peaky Blinders ain’t got nothing on The Yorks! According to The Daily Mail, Princess Beatrice may now be looking to postpone her wedding for an entire year in the hopes that a big splashy royal wedding will be just the thing to “bolster the nation’s morale” after the coronavirus lockdown has ended. Apparently, Bea’s still chasing the dream of having a wedding to rival that of her sister Princess Eugenie’s, perhaps forgetting that that spectacle was deemed a ratings flop and waste of taxpayer money. I guess the oxygen level on whatever planet Bea is living on is thinner than her dad Prince Andrew’s Pizza Express Defense.
I feel like the universe has been trying to tell Princess Beatrice that the royal wedding of her dreams just ain’t gonna happen since the day she was born to that toe-sucking aficionado Original Fergie and that FBI dodger Prince Andrew. Even if neither of her parents’ many scandals over the years have managed to put the kibosh on it completely, in struts the coronavirus threatening to lick all the silverware and replace all of the DJ’s records with scratched singles of The Macarena. According to People, Bea’s scheduled May 29 wedding to Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, has now been postponed for the third time. ¡Hey, Macarena!