Prince Andrew Is Stepping Down From His Royal Duties

Too bad Prince Andrew’s “peculiar medical condition” that prevents him from sweating is getting better because right about now, his armpits could double as visual aids should the remaining members of TLC invite him on stage while they perform Waterfalls. Andrew just released a statement announcing that mummy has granted his request to step down from his royal duties “for the foreseeable future” because this whole Jeffrey Epstein bother “has become a major disruption” to his family’s “work” (emphasis mine on that last bit). His family “works” about as well as that BBC Newsnight interview did.

Here’s the statement that was just released. It seems it only took four days for Andrew to go from thinking he killed it in that interview, to realizing the “it” in question was the entire British monarchy.

A statement by His Royal Highness The Duke of York KG. pic.twitter.com/LfMFwMyhcb

— The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) November 20, 2019

According to Vanity Fair, the backlash from the interview was swift, even if it took a while for it to sink in for poor, simple Andrew.

It was Sunday morning that Prince Andrew realized he had made a terrible mistake. Even a quick glance on Twitter revealed that his now infamous Newsnight interview, in which he attempted to set the record straight about his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein, had backfired spectacularly. The interview was unanimously deemed a car crash on social media and in scorning press coverage ever since it aired.

The criticism of the duke has been devastating, the fallout epic. On Monday, corporate giant KPMG announced it was ending its £100,000 a year sponsorship of the duke’s Pitch@Palace business initiative, and today, Standard Chartered also announced it was withdrawing its support. Some of the duke’s other charities have refused to comment on whether they will continue to have Andrew as their patron.

VF even reports that Andrew’s bulb is so dim, he might have wanted to do a re-do interview. His last story was so wild, maybe an idea for a sequel came to him in a dream. George RR Martin, take note! Nothing like being implicated in a sex trafficking scandal to spark creative inspiration.

There are reports currently circulating that Andrew could even be considering another interview, although Buckingham Palace says it is “not aware” of anything in the pipeline.

“There are rumors swirling that Andrew wants to do another interview,” said a source. “Andrew hasn’t drawn a line under it. He wants the chance to put right the things he didn’t say. Newsnight gave him the chance to show some remorse. He was asked if there was anything else he wanted to say. It was an open goal—he didn’t grasp it, and I think he sees that now.”

Between the use of “open goal” and Andrew saying he “let the side down”, at this point the British Football Association should be asking for an interview to distance themselves from The Royal Family. Given the mention of “appropriate law enforcement agencies” in his statement, I’m guessing Andrew’s given up the idea of doing another interview. At this point it sounds like mummy’s taken away Andrew’s television privileges, which is probably the worst punishment he’s ever received since that time he murdered one of the servants when he was 6 and wasn’t allowed a second helping of pudding for a week!

Pic: BBC via Wenn.com