Now that he’s sufficiently lawyered up by hiring one of Britain’s most prominent extradition attorneys, thus providing him with an even bigger skirt to hide behind than mummy’s, Prince Andrew is ready to talk to the feds. But just like a one-sided text conversation using nothing but non-food related emojis (fruits and veg might incriminate him. See also: dancing emoji, sweat emoji, splash emoji). According to Page Six, a spokesperson for Geoffrey Berman, the US Attorney for the Southern District of New York who is leading the inquiry into Andrew’s very dead friend Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking ring, confirms that there has been “communication between both legal teams,” but that Andrew has refused to “submit to an interview.” Which is a shame, because as we know, Andrew gives great interview.
Page Six points out that the news that Andrew’s team has been in contact with the feds, contradicts Berman’s previous assertion that Andrew wasn’t cooperating. Sounds to me like Andrew’s been playing a bit of “new phone, who dis?” whenever a 212 area code pops up.
The revelation contradicts Berman’s previous comments in January that the Queen’s son had offered “zero cooperation.” The New York Times later quoted “three people familiar with the investigation” as saying Andrew had failed to respond to calls.
Berman’s spokesperson told The Telegraph: “There have been communications through his attorneys, but we have been informed that he is not willing to submit to an interview.” Sources close to Andrew had described him as “angry and bewildered” by the suggestion he had refused to cooperate.
Look, Andrew can’t help it if every time his phone rings his hands shake so badly he drops it in the toilet. And yes, Andrew is always on the toilet. In addition to having NHS (nervous hands syndrome, another casualty of the Falklands war), Andrew also suffers from IBS (that one’s from being closely associated with a child sex trafficker, and all that entails). Just last week, Berman said that Andrew had “completely shut the door” on cooperating, despite repeated promises that he would “help any appropriate law enforcement agency.” I’m guessing Andrew’s new team has persuaded Berman that that one time Andrew accidentally butt-dialed him at 3:00 AM and immediately hung up, counts as “communication.” I hope The Queen didn’t have to sell anything too valuable (like her soul) to pay for Andrew’s new, very good lawyers.