When Princess Beatrice got engaged to her alleged cheating slut of a boyfriend, real estate mogul Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, she probably thought she was going to get an extravagant Disney princess wedding like her sister Princess Eugenie did (complete with MILLIONS of adoring subjects). But then her father Prince Andrew’s name came up more and more as being a good friend to dead pedo Jeffrey Epstein and we heard more and more about how one of Epstein’s alleged sex trafficking victims Virginia Giuffre was forced to have sex with Prince Andrew. And Prince Andrew gave that interview that should be on Wikipedia’s list of history’s biggest disasters. That caused a wave of shit to knock away Bea’s dreams of waving from an opulent royal carriage at all the peasants who came out to see her (read: the tumbleweeds and crickets, no offense to tumbleweeds and crickets).
For a minute there, it looked like maybe that Edoardo dude would realize that the Royal Family step on the social ladder is half-broken and stepping on it will cause him to fall to the bottom, and he’d call off the wedding. But that didn’t happen, and now People has spit up the date for Bea and Edoardo’s date. .
People says that Bea will get married to Edoardo on Friday, May 29. They don’t know the location of the actual wedding yet, but their wedding reception will go down in a party room at the Pizza Express in Woking and the cash bar will be run by Bargain Booze. No, the reception will happen at Buckingham Palace, and sources say the wedding could be held at a chapel across from the palace called the Royal Military Chapel, known as the Guards Chapel. The source says that the wedding will be a “low-key affair,” and that’s something Bea and Edoardo wanted all along. The source then basked in the glory of all those laughs and took their bow at Amateur Night at a comedy club since that is some laughable shit.
Edoardo’s son is expected to be a pageboy in the wedding. And Andrew wasn’t at Bea’s engagement party, but a source says that he will be at his daughter’s wedding, and he’ll most likely walk her down the aisle:
A source tells PEOPLE that Prince Andrew will likely play a major part in his daughter’s wedding despite the scandal.
“I definitely think he will walk her down the aisle,” the source says. “He plays a very traditional role in her life. She’s his greatest supporter.”
“This is obviously very hard times,” says the insider, adding, “Beatrice would never do anything to be hurtful to her father. He’s going to be by her side and she’s going to be by his.”
Bea better hope that the Falklands War sweat curse strikes Andy again so he doesn’t sweat all over her as he walks her down the aisle. And as she does that, I’m going to throw out a hope that Prince George will be front row and just so happen to throw a banana peel in front of Andy’s feet.
People also has two stories about Prince Hot Ginge: one is about how he and his brother Prince William didn’t leave each other on good terms but are talking now and trying to fix things. And the other story co-signs the rumor that Meghan Markle and PHG want to summer in Los Angeles. So I doubt PHG and Meghan will be at Bea’s wedding all the way in London, which sucks. Because if the rumor about Meghan being pregnant again is true, then I want to see Bea’s already wide eyes widen more when Meghan strolls in with an attention-stealing bump.