Prince Andrew Is Having A Grand Old Time In Spain As Evidence Of An Epstein Mansion Foot Massage Comes Out
After trying to use his own mother THE QUEEN as a human shield (granted her hats do make for an effective barrier), Prince Andrew has enlisted the help of another woman in his life to make it seem like everything is very normal and fine. Timed oh-so conveniently with the release of a 2013 email which places Andrew in his pal (and current corpse) Jeffrey Epstein‘s Manhattan mansion getting a foot massage by two “young well-dressed Russian women”, Andrew flew the coop with his ex-wife, Original Fergie, and (private) jetted off on a golfing holiday in southern Spain, where the only thing that’s appalling is his par. Well, that and the way his nipples show through his polo shirts.
The Sun reports that Andrew appears “relaxed” and “smiling” and is very good at golf. Nobody at the resort he’s staying at has seen hide for hair of Fergie. And her hair is hard to miss! Express UK says that both of their daughters, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie, have also joined them in Spain. I wonder if Andrew asked mumsy to send Prince Philip around to Balmoral where Fergie was staying previously, because his unexpected arrival meant her schedule had suddenly freed up for some public family bonding.
Fergie left Balmoral suddenly on Sunday after Prince Philip turned up early for his summer holiday and he still refuses to be under the same roof as his former daughter-in-law who he famously once called ‘pointless’.
The Duke of Edinburgh, 98, has never forgiven her for the embarrassment she caused the Queen following her divorce from Andrew in 1996 – and being photographed having her toes sucked by financial adviser John Bryan, following an affair with Texan tycoon Steve Wyatt.
So a little piggy nibbling between consenting adults is an embarrassment, but Andrew allegedly giving Quentin Tarantino a weird boner by getting his feet massaged at a convicted sex offender’s house is A-OK. Got it. This whole monarchy thing is wild. And about that foot massage, The Guardian reports:
Prince Andrew was seen inside the New York apartment of disgraced financier Jeffrey Epstein getting a foot massage from a young woman, according to an email exchange between a prominent US literary agent and author and writer Evgeny Morozov.
The literary agent in question, John Brockman, had urged Morozov to contact Epstein in search of funding (as he apparently had many of his clients do). In the email, Brockman bragged:
“Last time I visited his house (the largest private residence in NYC), I walked in to find him in a sweatsuit and a British guy in a suit with suspenders [braces], getting foot massages from two young well-dressed Russian women.”
“After grilling me for a while about cyber-security, the Brit, named Andy, was commenting on the Swedish authorities and the charges against Julian Assange. We think they’re liberal in Sweden, but its more like Northern England as opposed to Southern Europe,” Brockman reports “Andy” as saying.
One can only assume he’s referencing the rape charges Julian Assange was facing in Sweden. It’s good to know these creeps all have each other’s backs. Even when they get jealous of each other’s “freedoms“.
Brockman writes that Andrew then complained about his public profile. “In Monaco, Albert works 12 hours a day but at 9pm, when he goes out, he does whatever he wants, and nobody cares. But, if I do it, I’m in big trouble.
At that point, Brockman writes: “I realized that the recipient of Irina’s foot massage was his Royal Highness, Prince Andrew, the Duke of York.”
Cue a statement from Buckingham Palace insisting that not only does Andrew abhor foot massages, he doesn’t even have feet anymore, because by 2013, sometime before this massage supposedly took place, some American witch named Meghan Markle put an evil curse on him that changed his feet to cloven hooves! Simply appalling!