Buckingham Palace Released A Statement Regarding Prince Andrew’s Feelings About Jeffrey Epstein. Guys, He’s Appalled!
Prince Andrew is appalled! Appalled, do you hear!? He honestly couldn’t be any more appalled than he currently is, which is quite appalled indeed! According to a statement released by Buckingham Palace, Andrew is very confused as to why anyone would think that he, of all people, would condone “the exploitation of any human being” which, by the way, he thinks is absolutely abhorrent. Mind you, he doesn’t necessarily think human exploitation is abhorrent, he’s just appalled to hear that that his old pal Jeffrey Epstein was accused of that. No, what’s abhorrent is that anybody has the absolute gall to suggest he had anything to do with it. Andrew is the real victim here, and if you’re not appalled by that, you’re not paying attention!
Last week, Andrew dealt with the rising heat of his alarming personal and financial relationship with accused child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein by attending church with his mother, THE QUEEN. However, I guess going to church with mommy wasn’t enough of a power move to remove the ring of jam from around Andrew’s lips. Apparently, people still think he had his hand in the jam jar based on pictures of him with his hand in the jam jar. So the Palace has moved on to phase two of their The Duke Doesn’t Even Like Jam campaign, which is A Strongly Worded Statement (via NBC):
“The Duke of York has been appalled by the recent reports of Jeffrey Epstein’s alleged crimes,” Buckingham Palace said in a statement emailed to NBC News on Monday, referring to the prince by his royal title. “His Royal Highness deplores the exploitation of any human being and the suggestion he would condone, participate in or encourage any such behavior is abhorrent.”
Like seriously, how very dare you. Please stop reading now. He begs of you to cease this abhorrent, appalling attack on his character. To continue reading would be an absolute affront to common decently and tantamount to taking a shit in one of mummy’s church hats.
The vehement denial that Prince Andrew, 59, had participated in or had any knowledge of Epstein’s alleged offenses came after Britain’s Mail on Sunday published footage that allegedly showed him inside Epstein’s Manhattan mansion in 2010. NBC News was not able to independently confirm that the video actually showed the prince or that it was shot in 2010.
Jump to 1:18 for a peek at a man who is absolutely not Prince Andrew, Duke of York, and who would be appalled to be identified as such.
— Jim Osman 🇺🇸🇬🇧 (@EdgeCGroup) August 19, 2019
The church stunt certainly didn’t work, and I’m not sure this strongly worded statement is going to be enough at this point either. Next move, unmask Duchess Meghan and reveal her as an interstellar lizard person. It’s the only way.