Princess Beatrice Is Getting Married

September 26, 2019 / Posted by:

Well it looks like Queen Elizabeth’s damage control fixers and public relations specialists are getting a much-needed break this week. Because for the first time in a long time, members of the Royal Family have made the news in a way that doesn’t have The Queen reaching for a cold glass of gin and some Tylenol. First there was Baby Archie, making his official royal baby family tour debut with his parents in South Africa, and he didn’t spit up or shit his pants or smash a cupcake into a peasant’s face. And today, we’ve got the news that Princess Beatrice is “so excited” to announce that she’s gotten engaged to her rich property tycoon boyfriend Edoardo Mapeli Mozzi.

31-year-old Beatrice and 34-year-old Edo have allegedly know each other for years, but only recently got together officially in March of 2019. Bea and Edo were allegedly seen canoodling at her sister’s wedding in October, when Edo was allegedly still living with his fiancĆ© Dara Huang (who is also the mother of his young son, Charles “Wolfie” Mozzi). According to The Daily Mail, Beatrice will be the first person in The Queen’s family to become a step-mother (as in, the first person directly descended from Elizabeth II). The Queen probably shrugged like, “That’s it? That’s all the drama he’s bringing into this marriage? And he’s not a cousin or anything? How quaint.

Both Beatrice and Edo announced the news earlier today on social media. As you can see by this tweet, Beatrice is so excited to be getting married sometime next year. Alongside a picture that looks like the poster for a made-for-Netflix rom-com called Ninth in Line for Love, Bea also included an official royal press release from Buckingham Palace.

There’s a lot of fine print, but here’s what the couple had to say about their engagement:

“We are both so excited to be embarking on this life adventure together. We share so many similar interests and values, and we know that this will stand us in great stead for the years ahead, full of love and happiness.”

One of those shared similar interests might be counting money. According to The Daily Mail, Edo is a very rich member of Italian aristocracy. The Daily Mail estimates that Beatrice’s 3.5 carat engagement ring costs a little over $123,000. Edo reportedly popped the question in Italy.

Edo was just a little more emotional with his announcement, calling Beatrice “my love” and saying his heart is her home.

Beatrice’s mom, The Original Fergie (formerly Fergie Duchess of York) congratulated her daughter on the news of her engagement shortly after it was announced. And it sounds like her statement was made on behalf of herself and Bea’s dad, Prince Andrew.

I wonder why Prince Andrew didn’t want to release his own statement? It’s not like he doesn’t know how to write a statement. My guess is he just couldn’t get the wording right.

“I can’t believe my little girl…er, no. I’m just so proud to have watched this young girl…yeah, no. Um…it won’t be long before I’m giving her away to another man. Damn it. How about, I’m a guy and my daughter is getting married, the end. Is there any way I can do this where I don’t sound creepy?”


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