Today is the day that the nominations for the 2021 Primetime Emmy Awards were announced. And if it wasn’t obvious enough by the title above, or that picture of Josh O’Connor as Prince Charles and Emma Corrin being the queen of shy acting as Princess Diana, Netflix’s 100% fictional-slash-totally historically accurate The Crown dominated the nominations today. If you work at either the palaces of Buckingham or Kensington, do everyone a favor by unplugging the WiFi and acting clueless about these nominations. Because anyone with a title probably isn’t going to have a great day after hearing the Diana season just got rewarded with a ton of prestigious American TV award nominations. Or maybe someone could ease the blow by mentioning that the Baby Yoda show got just as many nominations as The Crown? It’s worth a shot!
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences really ought to have the “science” stripped from their title because of their decision to hold an in-person-only ceremony in the middle of a global pandemic. Yes, I said middle! CNN reports that in the U.S. alone, only 13% of the population have been fully vaccinated, though I’m sure 98% of Hollywood probably has (Good luck getting a free donut at the Krispy Kreme in Burbank past 9 am). Last week the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Stunting announced that they will not be allowing any nominees to accept awards remotely. That means if they want to pick up their Oscar, they have to be physically present at the ceremony which is being held on April 25th at Union Station in Downtown Los Angeles. This has understandably been met with pushback from nominees who would have to travel at a time when many restrictions and quarantines are still in place due to the ongoing presence of a potentially deadly disease that’s floating around the world, desperate to find a nice juicy nostril to set up shop in.
Nickelodeon did not cancel the Kids Choice Awards, which is a good thing, because we as a people have already been through ENOUGH and need a fake awards show to keep us going. But it seems like it was only yesterday when Selena Gomez walked away with “Favorite Female Voice from an Animated Movie”. Or remember back in 2015, during the tightest best actress race in history, when Emma Stone’s gripping performance in “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” trumped heavy favorite Megan Fox in “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”? Whew. That one still burns.
The LONG-AWAITED 2020 Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards aired last night, and if you are between the ages of 3 and 13, or you just have awful taste in music, television, and movies, then all of your favorites probably won.
2020 was a big year for 1917 which won four BAFTAs last night. That’s what was going on in ENGLAND while most Americans were busy watching JLo get the most out of that Groupon she used for 8 free pole dancing classes to prepare for Hustlers. She was never going to their little awards show anyway! But the lack of Hustlers nominations just meant more for 1917 which won Best Film, Outstanding British Film, Best Cinematography, and Best Director for Sam Mendes. It also picked up wins for special visual effects, sound, and production design. Parasite won for Best Film Not In The English Language and Best Original Screenplay by Han Jin-won and Bong Joon-ho. Another big winner was Joaquin Phoenix who won Most Tweeted About Acceptance Speech for Leading Actor For Joker, and Hardest Working Suit.
I’m not completely fluent in side-eye reading, but I’m going to guess that Brit Brit Spears’ awkward side-eye in that picture is saying: “Oops! ….I fawted again and that one’s going to leave a skiddy.”
Brit Brit was at the ESPY Awards yesterday and some thought that she was there to announce that she’s headlining the Super Bowl halftime show next year, but I hoped that she was there to announce that her alter ego Cheetopatra will lead the new cast of the rebooted GLOW. But Brit was just there to present an award and that’s it.
It took me a few blinks to realize this isn’t Kesha reporting for her cocktail waitress job at an Ice Pirates-themed bar. Brit Brit’s stylists really outdid themselves this time. Her makeup artiste went full “sneaky raccoon wax figure” on her face and her stylist put her in something that looks like a Star Wars Ice Capades costume designed by someone who doesn’t know what a Star Wars character looks like. The producers of the off-strip Las Vegas show her stylist stole that costume from are probably going to press charges against her for accessory to theft, but that’s a teeny-tiny price to pay. Because this IS the look.
In other highly important Britney news, Buzzfeed recently posted pictures of the grocery lists that were allegedly scribbled out by Brit. Someone (today “someone” is spelled S-A-M-L-U-T-F-I) somehow (today “somehow” is spelled T-R-A-S-H-D-I-V-I-N-G) got a hold of the lists and sold them on eBay. The lists prove that Brit is an authentic foodie and gourmet aficionado who enjoys the finer things in the grocery store like Velveeta, gritz, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, fat-free bacon, mayenaise, Cinamin Toast Crunch, Wonder Bread, Captain Crunch and Dr. Pepper. Behold, one of the lists.
Any expert will tell you that these grocery lists are extremely suspect, because it doesn’t look like there’s self-tanner stains on them AND they’re missing the sparkle on the tip of Britney’s food pyramid: CHEETOS! Therefore, this list cannot be verified. But I guess if she really did write these lists, I’ll let go of 2006 and swallow the hard fact that she’s moved on from those puffy pieces of cheese heaven. I’ll change her nickname from Our Lady of Cheetos to Our Lady of Spegettios.
I’m surprised there’s not a fat billow of steam rising up off of them. Isn’t that what happens when an extra hot human flat iron touches an ice cube?
Last night, something that happens every single night happened: awards were handed out to country stars. All of the oxygen on this planet will be sucked out into the universe and vengeance will come if a day goes by where a country music star doesn’t thank the lord for the trophy in their hand. So last night, the CMT Music Awards went down at the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville. Since they’re at every country music awards show, the frozen porcelain vase and the fresh-outta-the-kiln ceramic pot in a Suze Orman wig were at the CMT Music Awards last night.
Nicole Kidman looked stunning in matador pants, a rich old lady’s lunchin’ shoes, a face by DuPont and a fur-trimmed top that was a gaudy toddler dress in a past life. I don’t know if it’s the makeup or lighting or what (“It’s the ‘what.'” – you), but the Botox Baroness looks like she strolled into her plastic surgeon’s office and pondered between the Madame brand cheek cutlets and the Phoebe Price brand cheek cutlets before going with the latter. But on a more important note, I need to know which brand of SPF: Infinity And Beyond Nicole uses, because I burn easily and it’s amazing that she doesn’t get even a little bit tan while standing next to that humanized UV ray.
Here’s more pictures from the CMT Music Awards including a couple of Billy Ray Cyrus outdoing Keith Urban in the flat iron game.