Category: How Very GOOP Of You

Open Post: Hosted By Gwyneth Paltrow Trolling Martha Stewart In A Goop Gift Guide Promo

November 22, 2022 / Posted by:

Gwyneth Paltrow and Martha Stewart have been busting each other’s Baccarat balls for the last eight years after Martha basically said that the self-proclaimed guru of everything, Gwyneth, should shut her white sturgeon caviar-hole, stick to acting, and stop trying to be Martha Stewart. But Gwyneth never gave up on her dream, and just like every other year she shat out her Goop guide earlier this month. Despite the fact that no one actually uses the gift guide to guide their gift buying and only peruses it to have a quick laugh, Gwyneth spent money on a name-droppy promo (with a Cameron Diaz cameo) to remind everyone that the holidays are quickly approaching and she’s still not ready to let go of Martha’s past reads.

Continue reading

Norway’s Princess Martha Gives Up Her Royal Duties After Being Accused Of Using Her Title To Promote Her Healer Fiancé’s Alternative Beliefs

November 9, 2022 / Posted by:

Move over the UK, there’s a new Megxit in town! Princess Märtha Louise is stepping down from her royal duties after being accused of using her title to promote alternative healthcare methods and the teachings of Durek Verrett, her “spiritual hacker” fiancé of five months. You remember Durek (birth name Derek)! He’s a self-proclaimed shaman who’s besties with Gwyneth Paltrow, called cancer a “choice,” and has a medallion for sale on his website, which he says helps heal COVID. 51-year-old Märtha has also done some wild shit, even before she got with Durek in 2019: in one of her books, she wrote that she had made contact with angels, and, back in 2002, she was stripped of her honorific “Her Royal Highness” title after choosing to pursue a career as a clairvoyant. So I guess she saw this latest drama coming from a mile away.

Continue reading

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants You To Know She’s Accepting Her ‘Loosening Skin’ And ‘Wrinkles’ Ahead Of Turning Fifty

September 23, 2022 / Posted by:

Next Tuesday, the Princess of Pretension Gwyneth Paltrow will turn fifty years old. And while that birthday is indeed a milestone most people have a hard time accepting, we already know Gwyneth is not like most people. She would NEVER want anyone to think she struggles with the human emotions tied to getting older. Instead, Gwyneth took this as an opportunity to let everyone know she is Mother Time incarnate by stating she doesn’t care about flabby skin or wrinkles because when it comes to getting older, she feels as fresh as the morning dew on the inside. And yes, this latest Gwyneth claim (as with most Gwyneth claims) is getting the side-eye treatment since not too long ago, she was hawking injectables.

Continue reading

Gwyneth Paltrow Says She Does Not Miss Acting At All

July 22, 2022 / Posted by:

Gwyneth Paltrow has said on numerous occasions that she doesn’t really give a fuck about acting anymore. I mean, did she care that much to begin with? She literally couldn’t remember the movies she was in or who was in them with her! Goopy hasn’t acted in anything in a while–her last IMDB credit is 2019’s The Politician. But as she tells Sunday TODAY‘s Willie Geist in a new interview, she doesn’t miss the business “at all.”Right back at you,” said the business.

Continue reading

Two Men Caught Fire In An Explosion While Making S’mores At The Goop Store In Sag Harbor

July 11, 2022 / Posted by:

If there was ever any doubt who is the greater menace to (Hamptons) society between convicted felon Martha Stewart and perpetual pussy mangler Gwyneth Paltrow, then this ought to settle it once and for all. Martha may know how to fashion a shank out of a bar of French-milled soap, but Gwyneth is out here literally setting people on fire. People reports that two men were sent to the hospital after catching fire during an in-store event at Goop’s Sag Harbor location while making table-top s’mores using candle holders filled with rubbing alcohol, “causing a large explosion and flame.” One of the men was so badly injured he had to be airlifted to the hospital and the other left in an ambulance. A spokesperson for Goop says that “no candles were in use at the time of the accidental fire,” possibly in an attempt to counter the rumors that Gwyneth’s vagina smells like burnt hair and BBQ ribs.

Continue reading

GOOP’s Expensive “Virgin Alpaca Wool” Diapers Were A Stunt To Protest Diaper Taxes

May 12, 2022 / Posted by:

It was only a matter of time before GOOP dipped its snobby toe into the diaper game, and yesterday GOOP announced they had created a very GOOP-y disposable diaper made of virgin alpaca wool and studded with amber gemstones. It made perfect sense that GOOP would create something to collect poop, since they’ve been known to be full of shit. The diapers came in a pack of 12 that GOOP claimed to be selling for $120. But well, according to Gwyneth Paltrow, the reason for their little stunt was to protest the tax applied to diapers.

Continue reading

alt="drupal analytics" >