Category: How Very GOOP Of You

Gwyneth Paltrow Clarifies That She Eats More Than Bone Broth

March 18, 2023 / Posted by:

To some, wellness means caring for your mind, body, and soul and approaching things with a balanced mindset. To others, it means an opportunity to lord over those peons who gorge on the recommended intake of 2000 calories a day and don’t have a team of on-call skincare specialists! Gwyneth Paltrow recently shared the secret to how she manages to stay so thin, pleasant and grounded: bone broth and coffee. Unfortunately, GOOP naysayers came for her, saying ludicrous things like “you can’t stay alive just eating broth” and “this is giving eating disorder.” Gwyneth shot back at haters saying to get the rectal ozone stick out of their asses because, ACTUALLY, she eats human food sometimes!

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s “Wellness Routine” Is Called Out By Health Professionals For Sounding Like An Gateway Into Eating Disorders

March 15, 2023 / Posted by:

Welp–another day, another expert suggesting that you should not listen to Gwyneth Paltrow‘s life advice. Currently, the 50-year-old Goop Cult Leader is pushing a “wellness routine” that has eating disorder specialists going: “Pause!” saying that her diet is not giving her enough energy for a living human. But have they considered that Gwyneth fuels her body nutrition via her overt uppity pretentiousness?

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Open Post: Hosted By Gwyneth Paltrow Saying That Rectal Ozone Therapy Is The Weirdest Wellness Thing She’s Done

March 14, 2023 / Posted by:

Since starting Goop in 2008, Gwyneth Paltrow aimed to share ways to “nourish the inner aspect” through unconventional and expensive wellness fads and lifestyle items with other wildly pretentious people, and also to turn a profit, obviously. So, she’s tried a lot of things over the years, but while guesting on The Art of Being Well, she shared that the strangest wellness thing she’s ever tried is rectal ozone therapy, which is when ozone gas is pumped right into your fart-box. Though the FDA warns against it, Gwyneth (and others who also aren’t qualified to give medical advice) claim it has many benefits.

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Open Post: Hosted By Gwyneth Paltrow Letting Us Know That She Still Has A Dress She Wore On A Date With Brad Pitt Almost Thirty Years Ago

February 3, 2023 / Posted by:

We all know Gwyneth Paltrow is the self-professed Queen of organic wares that could potentially burn your house down, but did you also know she has a soft spot for nostalgia as well? For example, there are some people who remember a time when she and Brad Pitt looked like they were about to be each other’s forever loves. Unfortunately, they couldn’t stay together and moved on to other relationships that failed as miserably as theirs did. However, in the spirit of holding onto beautiful memories (and mothball-protected garments), Gwyneth revealed she still owns a dress she wore to a movie premiere with Brad. And she took her thirsty GOOP coven on a trip through her closet to proudly show off all of her 90s fashion keepsakes.

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Open Post: Hosted By Gwyneth Paltrow Trolling Martha Stewart In A Goop Gift Guide Promo

November 22, 2022 / Posted by:

Gwyneth Paltrow and Martha Stewart have been busting each other’s Baccarat balls for the last eight years after Martha basically said that the self-proclaimed guru of everything, Gwyneth, should shut her white sturgeon caviar-hole, stick to acting, and stop trying to be Martha Stewart. But Gwyneth never gave up on her dream, and just like every other year she shat out her Goop guide earlier this month. Despite the fact that no one actually uses the gift guide to guide their gift buying and only peruses it to have a quick laugh, Gwyneth spent money on a name-droppy promo (with a Cameron Diaz cameo) to remind everyone that the holidays are quickly approaching and she’s still not ready to let go of Martha’s past reads.

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Norway’s Princess Martha Gives Up Her Royal Duties After Being Accused Of Using Her Title To Promote Her Healer Fiancé’s Alternative Beliefs

November 9, 2022 / Posted by:

Move over the UK, there’s a new Megxit in town! Princess Märtha Louise is stepping down from her royal duties after being accused of using her title to promote alternative healthcare methods and the teachings of Durek Verrett, her “spiritual hacker” fiancé of five months. You remember Durek (birth name Derek)! He’s a self-proclaimed shaman who’s besties with Gwyneth Paltrow, called cancer a “choice,” and has a medallion for sale on his website, which he says helps heal COVID. 51-year-old Märtha has also done some wild shit, even before she got with Durek in 2019: in one of her books, she wrote that she had made contact with angels, and, back in 2002, she was stripped of her honorific “Her Royal Highness” title after choosing to pursue a career as a clairvoyant. So I guess she saw this latest drama coming from a mile away.

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