On Sunday, Kylie Jenner did what Kylie Jenner does best, which is to say she (or her assistant) uploaded several pictures to Instagram featuring herself showing off her expensive clothes, body parts, cars, and boyfriend Travis Scott. But this time, something stuck out, and it wasn’t the fact that it looked like Kylie’s face had been replaced with a hyper-realistic MAC face chart. It was the disability accessible parking sign located behind their car.
I guess that Kris Jenner didn’t get the ratings she wanted with her Keeping Up My Disappointed In Mankind With The Kardashians–season finale, filled with Khloé Kardashian‘s disastrous love life. Which is like, duh, nobody cares about Khloé. So Kris is making her next move and it’s involving her kurrent favorite, Kylie Jenner. Kylie of course pulled the stunt of all stunts when she announced her surprise baby, but Kris knows you can’t pull the same trick twice.
So now they’re going another direction: talking about a potential baby so they can draw out the pregnancy rumors as long as humanly possible and toss in some marriage rumors too because everyone loves seeing a family come together, right? …And by that I mean, have a sponsored wedding live on E!.
The cereal is the same as the $3 shit–just to get that out of the way. You’re being charged for the box. And apparently it’s a real special one. Travis Scott has teamed up with General Mills and Reese’s Puffs because that’s where we are now as a society. It’s not for any special cause, or to raise awareness or anything like that, it’s just to make some money and gain some publicity. Because all the problems in the world are solved, right? Phewf! For a second I thought humanity was frivolous.
Yesterday was Father’s Day, which I believe is the 11th most important holiday in the Kardashian-Jenner family after all the their birthdays, the anniversary of the invention of Botox, Christmas, and Momager’s Day. Caitlyn Jenner decided to wish all her favorite Kardashian-Jenner dads a Happy Father’s Day on social media. Well, all except KUWTK Season 16’s current male villain.
Just when you thought the Kardashian/Jenner Koven couldn’t get anymore tacky they go and take this group photo. There is so much going on here like:
– Kris Jenner‘s beat-down, platinum Kate Gosselin-meets-Gwen Stefani wig.
– Her boyfriend Corey Gamble‘s limp-dick-ballsack bowtie version of the vibrant pussy-bow.
– Kim Kardashian West‘s wet-looking gold-lamé+tinsel, half-mermaid Saran-wrap look.
– Kanye West fully falling asleep behind them.
– Kendall Jenner‘s singular slicked-down middle part with a dark-twist/crown of orange feathers.
– Kylie Jenner‘s chambermaid’s sexy nightie and matching synthetic lilac wig straight from MapOfBeauty.
– Travis Scott‘s “we get it you’re straight so you don’t know what a goddamn theme is” half-assed attempt at looking like a well-dressed G.I. Joe action figure.
This is a mess, but what else would we expect?
Back in March, the Koven tried floating around another cheating storyline for Keeping Up The Korrosion Of Decent Society. This one featured new favorite, Kylie Jenner and her man Travis Scott. It was rumored that Travis was stepping to the side with a chick and Kylie had found “evidence” on his phone. The plot line turned out to be a whole lotta nothing. Kris Jenner doesn’t like when her plans fizzle, so there’s another cheating rumor coming up, but this one is being fueled by the alleged side-chick herself.