Category: The LIES
Kim Kardashian Said She’d Be “Just As Happy” Giving Up The Cameras And Working As A Full-Time Lawyer
Though Pete Davidson’s now-obsolete “my girl’s a lawyer” tattoo wasn’t exactly accurate since Kim Kardashian has only so far passed the “baby bar” and not the BAR Bar, she revealed in her recent TIME100 interview that she plans to take it in 2025. So look out, world; a barrage of orchestrated pap shots of a bespectacled Kim cracking the books are sure to be on the way! But much to Kris Jenner’s managerial dismay, Kim also said that she could be happy giving up filming her every gynecology appointment and editing her trapezius muscles out of “candid” shots to just focus on being a lawyer and continuing her criminal justice reform work. “Mmmmhmmmm,” said everyone.
Open Post: Hosted By Martha Stewart’s “Not Re-Imaged” Selfies
In this world, nothing is certain except death, taxes, and an 81-year-old Martha Stewart boastfully posting thirst traps. So it’s no surprise that Martha just dropped a fresh double batch of selfies from the salon chair on our asses. In her initial post, her face looked curiously smooth and youthful despite her caption specifying she didn’t use a filter and instead attributing her “skin looking good” to the lighting, a Dry January, and Pilates every other day. But besides a smattering of praise from blue-checked celebrities, the comment section was mostly people telling Martha to get real. So Martha then shared the other selfies she took (which looked much more believable) and doubled down on her amazing skin. She reiterated that it’s all due to a great diet, great exercise, great dermatologists, and NO filters or facelifts. Basically, Martha’s skin is just “a very good thing.”
An Ex-Rep For Kim Kardashian Says That Time She Got Flour-Bombed In 2012 Was Planned And She Was In On It
2012 was a much simpler time for Kim Kardashian. Paris Hilton’s former closet organizer was allowed to wear whatever hideous pleather suit from Express she desired without flack from der Fashion Führer. The Met Gala would’ve cackled in her face at the notion of her being invited, so she had no need to beg and “work her fucking ass off” to “fit” into an icon’s dress for a few minutes. And her now-mandated neutral aesthetic was generously gifted to her in the form of a “PETA flour-bombing” on the red carpet of her True Reflection (LOL said all of us who’ve seen every version of her face) perfume launch. We all laughed when bitch got bombed; but apparently, it was Kim who got the last laugh because a PR rep who worked with her during that time said the whole thing was a planned “media moment.”
Matthew Libatique, The Cinematographer For “Don’t Worry Darling,” Says That The Set Was “Harmonious”
Never in modern film-making has any film’s cast and crew seemed more deserving of a Real Housewives-type reunion hosted by Andy Cohen than Don’t Worry Darling. The film has continued to deliver rumors and drama from casting all the way to its press tour. I’d envision Olivia Wilde and star/boyfriend Harry Styles seated next to Andy on one couch, with the placement of Florence Pugh, Chris Pine, Nick Kroll, Kiki Layne, and Gemma Chan up in the air. Secret guest? Shia LaBeouf walking out screaming unintelligibly from backstage, enlarged texts from Olivia receipts in hand. However, Don’t Worry Darling’s cinematographer, Matthew Libatique, recently said that the set was the “most harmonious” he’s ever been on, so maybe we’ve all just been duped into salivating over the alleged behind-the-scenes entertainment this yet-to-be-released film has already provided us.
Kris Jenner Took A Lie Detector Test And Was Asked If She Was Behind The Release Of Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape
It comes as no surprise that our lives were ultimately downgraded once the entire Kardashian Koven was thrust upon us. And one of the most pivotal moments of their origin story was the infamous sex tape starring a bored-looking Kim Kardashian and weird tattoo aficionado Ray J. For many years people have speculated that Kim’s mother Kris Jenner was the person who brought this masterpiece of cinema into our lives, which is something she’s denied for years. And now, to put the rumors to bed (pun intended) once and for all Kris has strapped on a lie detector test to prove to everyone she had nothing to do with it.
Dr. Oz Calls Breakfast An “Advertising Ploy”
TMZ says that Dr. Oz now wants to cancel breakfast. Yes, breakfast is over with. He calls it a “ploy” and says we don’t need it. Honey, I’ve noticed how fed-Kristian versus hangry-Kristian acts in the morning, and I know there’s a difference–medical or not.