Overcoming the odds despite a global pandemic and small minded nay-sayers, Kazakhstani bodybuilder, occasional crossdresser and incredibly long nipple-haver Yuri Tolochko, finally made an honest woman of his lady love of almost two years, almost 2-year-old silicone sex doll Margo Party. Yuri becomes the first person since the first Borat film debuted in 2006 to be able to say “mah wife” without a trace of irony.
A great travesty has occurred on the set of the Medieval Times themed miniseries Glow and Darkness! The ageless queen of stage and screen, Jane Seymour, has been replaced with a younger actress! According to Entertainment Tonight, producers pulled a last minute switcheroo when they told Jane they no longer wanted her to play her character, Eleanor of Aquitaine, at age 25. Jane is 69. This cannot stand. It is time now to demand, with full voice and conviction, JUSTICE FOR JANE!
Practically perfect Dolly Parton sat down for a virtual chat with Oprah for the Apple TV+ show, The Oprah Conversation. The interview will air tomorrow night, but People got a sneak peek (sorry, no nips). In the clip Oprah asks Dolly about turning 75 in January (hard working Capricorn). This is the big birthday where our girl might do Playboy again. And she told Oprah’s she’s pretty non-plussed about turning three-quarters of a century.
Last week Lily Collins, star of the très stupide but très jolie Netflix show Emily in Paris, embarrassed herself when she told British Vogue that she thought her character was only 22 years old. HA! Here are the FACTS: Emily has a Masters degree, a big, important job at a big, important marketing firm, a closet full of expensive-looking clothes, and a dildo that you plug into a wall. Bitch ain’t 22. Also, not to slag off Ms. Collins, who’s clearly a gorgeous model/actress/nepotism baby, but Lily herself is 31. For a woman, that’s “I have three teenagers” acting territory, not “fresh out of undergrad” roles! Welp, based on the “fan” backlash (is anyone really an Emily in Paris “fan”, or are we all just victims of Netflix’s algorithm?), Lily is now backtracking on her “like, 22ish?” statement. She posted to her socials that she did a whoopies and was sorry.
32 years. The number of years that Nutmeg, the oldest cat in the world, blessed us with his presence. The length of the First War of Scottish Independence. How long it’s been since the premiere of one of cinema’s finest farces, Big Business. Finally, 32 years is the age gap between partners Sarah Paulson, 45, and Holland Taylor, 77. These two have been dating since 2015, after Holland slid into Sarah’s DMs. Sarah discussed their high profile relationship for the October cover story of Harper’s Bazaar.
Congratulations to this dirty old man and his brand new child bride! Don’t worry, Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t get hitched (Ha! Camilla wishes). And, nope, I’m not talking about Dennis Quaid. It’s Sean Penn, who turns 60 in a couple of weeks, and 28-year-old Leila George.
Leila follows in the illustrious footsteps of Sean’s other ex-wives Madonna, 61, and Robin Wright, 54. According to People, Leila shares Sean’s “commitment to philanthropy”. When she’s not saving the world, she works as an actress (duh), and starred as the daughter in James Franco’s remake of Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? (coincidentally the exact question she asked her momma when she started seeing Sean).