Open Post: Hosted By Shakira Fighting Off Wild Boars

September 29, 2021 / Posted by:

Yesterday, Shakira and her 8-year-old son, Milan, were attacked by two wild boars! In a series of Instagram Stories, Shakira shared that she and Milan were chilling in the park when they were confronted by the barbarian swine, who managed to steal her backpack (which contained her phone). Does the wild boar who stole a nudist’s backpack in Berlin have an alibi? Shakira confronted the beasts and wrangled her bag back. On Instagram, she showed off the designer backpack, which was ripped and covered in mud. She said, “Look how two wild boars that have attacked me in the park have left my bag,” included some photos of the boars, and called to her son, “Milan, tell the truth, how your mommy has confronted the wild boars!” Milan said nothing.

Shakira also said this (in Spanish) in her Stories, via Newsweek:

“They have attacked me, they have shattered everything… and they were taking my bag to the forest with my phone. And in the end, they left me the bag/purse because I confronted them.”

The lesson is: ALWAYS CONFRONT BOARS (or don’t, cuz apparently they’re very dangerous and kill people). Here are Shakira’s Instagram Stories, which she humorously set to the theme song from the 70s Spanish soap opera, El Hombre y La Tierra:

These boars thoroughly fucked up. They thought they could effortlessly rob a couple of harmless-looking humans Whenever, Wherever, but, little did they know, Shakira was actually an undercover She-Wolf! According to Wikipedia, wolves are the boar’s main predator, with the ability to kill 50-80 boars in one year! So these two are lucky they lived to tell the tale of the time they almost stole Shakira’s bag!

Damn, what can’t Shakira do? Sing, dance, write, philosophize, evade taxes, fight off wild boars, and, of course, shake that “croth and anus!”


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