Category: Duchess Kate
Duchess Kate Is A Big Fan Of Hypnobirthing
Because I’m sure you were wondering what was going through her mind when she was birthing the future king of England (and the other two), Duchess Kate Middleton has finally shared the secret to her delivery process. And in news that should come as no surprise to anyone, she has nothing negative or impolite to say about being in labor.
Princess Beatrice’s Wedding Is Set For This May
When Princess Beatrice got engaged to her alleged cheating slut of a boyfriend, real estate mogul Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, she probably thought she was going to get an extravagant Disney princess wedding like her sister Princess Eugenie did (complete with MILLIONS of adoring subjects). But then her father Prince Andrew’s name came up more and more as being a good friend to dead pedo Jeffrey Epstein and we heard more and more about how one of Epstein’s alleged sex trafficking victims Virginia Giuffre was forced to have sex with Prince Andrew. And Prince Andrew gave that interview that should be on Wikipedia’s list of history’s biggest disasters. That caused a wave of shit to knock away Bea’s dreams of waving from an opulent royal carriage at all the peasants who came out to see her (read: the tumbleweeds and crickets, no offense to tumbleweeds and crickets).
For a minute there, it looked like maybe that Edoardo dude would realize that the Royal Family step on the social ladder is half-broken and stepping on it will cause him to fall to the bottom, and he’d call off the wedding. But that didn’t happen, and now People has spit up the date for Bea and Edoardo’s date. .
This Is Prince William And Duchess Kate’s Reaction To Brad Pitt’s Prince Hot Ginge Joke
As Mieka posted about earlier, the BAFTAs happened in London last night, and they solidified that this weekend’s Oscars are most likely going to be a more predictable bore fest than usual, because the same actors have been winning the acting categories all season long. That includes Brad Pitt who won the Supporting Actor BAFTA for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Brad wasn’t there, but his OUATIH co-star Margot Robbie, accepted the award for him, and read from a speech he gave her and it included a joke about Prince Hot Ginge. And when the camera cut to Prince William and Duchess Kate in the audience, they won a BARFTA (that’s the Razzie equivalent of a BAFTA) for Worst Performance By Royals Who Want You To Think That Brad Pitt’s Joke Was Funny To Them.
Merry Christmas From Prince George And Princess Charlotte Who Made Their Church Strut Debut
Since Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan decided to skip the usual Christmas Day strut to church in favor of getting drunk on maple syrup and moose saliva wine spritzers in Canada, the royal family knew they’d have to bring out some real star power to get the people to show up. Because if only Prince William and Duchess Kate did the strut, the only people who would show up would be those who suffer from insomnia since the sight of that double serving of boredom would knock anyone out. So that’s where Future King George and Princess Charlotte come in.
They joined mummy and daddy for their annual stroll into St Mary Magdalene Church in Sandringham today. Although, judging by the looks on their faces, they would rather be at home, screaming at the servants to get those AA batteries for their Hatchimals at once!
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Sorry, Duchess Meghan And Prince Hot Ginge, But Only FMs (Future Monarchs) Will Make An Appearance During THE QUEEN’s Speech
It was reported that THE QUEEN had a fucking time writing her annual Christmas Day speech, and not only just because she had one too many breakfast gins and Prince Philip kept saying to her, “Pull my finger, love!”, as his day nurse stood by with a clean pair of bloomers because the nurse knows that “pull my finger” usually leads to some sticky toffee pudding in the prince’s chonies royale. But THE QUEEN apparently had some issues with her annual speech because of three little things called “her grandsons scrappin‘,” “her ginger grandson and granddaughter-in-law BRINGING DOWN THE MONARCHY with their rebel ways,” and “everyone finding out that her youngest son is probably perv trash and is really bad at lying.” I mean, isn’t the royal family supposed to be masters at lie-telling and fooling the public? And Prince Andrew is embarrassing his family by being bad at it. For shame!
The Queen’s Speech (2019) doesn’t hit screens until Christmas Day, but because everything needs a trailer nowadays, the Palace has put out a teaser including a piece of what she says and a shot of her sitting next to frames that don’t have pictures of Prince Hot Ginge or Duchess Meghan in them. So is this THE QUEEN’s shady way of letting us know that those two ain’t shit to her since they’re eating moose poutine in Canada for Christmas instead of spending it with her? Or is there another totally different reason for why she didn’t include them. SPOILER ALERT: It’s the second one.
Prince Andrew Went To The Queen’s Pre-Christmas Turkey Lunch
Queen Elizabeth held her annual family-only pre-Christmas turkey lunch and tree-trimming extravaganza today at Buckingham Palace today. As expected, Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan were no-shows, because they’re on a hiatus from royal functions until next year. But the rest of Her Majesty’s immediate family were there. Like Prince Andrew, who probably walked in to lunch and caused at least one person to whisper, “Ah look, the turkey has arrived.”