Merry Christmas From Prince George And Princess Charlotte Who Made Their Church Strut Debut

December 25, 2019 / Posted by:

Since Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan decided to skip the usual Christmas Day strut to church in favor of getting drunk on maple syrup and moose saliva wine spritzers in Canada, the royal family knew they’d have to bring out some real star power to get the people to show up. Because if only Prince William and Duchess Kate did the strut, the only people who would show up would be those who suffer from insomnia since the sight of that double serving of boredom would knock anyone out. So that’s where Future King George and Princess Charlotte come in.

They joined mummy and daddy for their annual stroll into St Mary Magdalene Church in Sandringham today. Although, judging by the looks on their faces, they would rather be at home, screaming at the servants to get those AA batteries for their Hatchimals at once!

While dressed like an extra in a civic light opera production of It’s A Wonderful Life, Duchess Kate escorted three of her children, 4-year-old Charlotte, 6-year-old George, and 37-year-old William, into church. Whatever it is that George is eating, they should rub that stuff on William’s head, because George is growing fast.

There was talk that Prince Andrew was going to join the royal family for their catwalk stroll into church today, but he wasn’t at THE QUEEN’s side for her strut into church.

But Fired Prince Andrew did show up and had a chat with Prince Charles as they made their way in:

Prince Philip, who was laid up in the hospital for a few days, didn’t make it to church, and really there was no need for him to since he already looked like he had seen the father, the son, the holy ghost, and the grim reaper. Philip left the hospital looking like the royals Weekend at Bernie’d his ass, or you know, like a 98-year-old who was just in the hospital. He also looked like what I looked like after watching all 18 hours of The Irishman.

And if you care, here’s THE QUEEN’s Christmas speech in full where she gave Master Archie a little shout out but didn’t say anything about the fall of Prince Andrew except for that bumpy path crap.

But honestly, if THE QUEEN truly wanted to win back subjects who are over the monarchy due to the Prince Andrew disaster, she should’ve skipped the speech and just elegantly pissed all over a royal document titled “Prince Andrew’s Inheritance” as Baby Yoda held her pocketbook. No, Baby Yoda has nothing to do with the royal family, but in 2019, when all else fails, bring Baby Yoda into it since people eat that blatant marketing ploy up.

Pic: Getty

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