There’s a new book coming out this week called Revenge: Meghan, Harry and the War Between the Windsors from writer of many unauthorized biographies Tom Bower who also writes about the royals often. And well, Tom may have to take a break from using his typing fingers to write about the royals to use his typing fingers to find a lawyer to possibly defend him from the mega wave of cease and desists that Meghan Markle’s lawyers may drown him in. Because in his book, Tom makes all kinds of claims about Meghan Markle’s short time as a working royal and her relationships with the royal family, including the little rumor that THE QUEEN proclaimed, “Thank goodness!”, after finding out that Meghan wasn’t going to make the trip to England for Prince Philip’s funeral. Maybe Tom’s source got it wrong. Maybe THE QUEEN wasn’t giving thanks for Meghan not going to her husband’s funeral. Maybe right after she got the Meghan news, another aide let her know that they were able to rent a gin fountain for the funeral reception and THE QUEEN was giving thanks to that since she needed more than a few cups of the sweet nectar to deal with her family and favorite son.
THE QUEEN’s activities have been under the microscope for the last few years. With her age, the loss of her husband, and the general messiness of the royal family (at this stage, there’s too many incidents to count), people have been wondering how she’s managing to keep it all together. Her secret? Skipping all the royal events! THE QUEEN has essentially said “Peace out, bitches” when it comes to public functions and her latest NON-appearance is at this year’s Royal Maundy Service. But guess who’ll be showing up? Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla! It’s like when you order a filet mignon and throw a sloppy joe in your face.
This morning THE QUEEN attended Prince Philip’s memorial service at Westminster Abbey. Because of the Queen’s recent health issues, there’d been some debate as to whether she’d make it. A royal source previously told People that she hoped to attend, but a decision would be made on the day. Well, I guess today the Queen woke up and said, “Fuck it, let’s go.” And then she opted for an extra layer of “FUCK IT” when she “insisted” on being escorted by Prince Andrew. Continue reading
The Re-Issue Of “Finding Freedom” Claims That Prince Harry And The Queen Had A Special Reunion After Prince Philip’s Funeral
Today marks the release of an updated version of Finding Freedom, the tell-all book about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle leaving the Royal family. That’s the one Meghan admitted leaking a wee bit of information to (despite previously denying it). Well, a lot has happened since the book’s initial release a year ago, and today’s re-issue contains a brand spanking new epilogue ft. tea about the couple’s move to California, the Oprah interview, and Prince Philip’s death. It also includes claims that the two Buckingham Palace staffers who accused Meghan of bullying later asked for “their experiences with Meghan to be rescinded”, and that Harry and THE QUEEN had a “very special” reunion after Prince Philip’s funeral. Awww, did Harry hug his wee granny? Is the Royal family even allowed to hug? Continue reading
Two months into the job and Prince Harry is already earning that BetterUp signing bonus by talking about the “genetic pain and suffering” he inherited from his dad Prince Charles, who in turn inherited it from his dad Prince Philip. Giving Dax Shepherd (of all people, Oprah’s probably kicking herself for not having THAT conversation) the scoop of a lifetime, Harry appeared on the Armchair Expert podcast and swore to “break the cycle,” presumably, of dressing his kids up in those twee little outfits with the socks pulled up way too high. Archie Mountbatten-Windsor will be a Crocs kid.
Prince Philip’s Cause Of Death Was Released And Prince William And Duchess Kate Launched A YouTube Channel
Forget all those conspiracy theories that have been flying around since Prince Philip was laid to rest. He wasn’t poisoned or strangled by an enemy of the crown who snuck into Windsor Castle disguised as an under butler or chambermaid. And he didn’t die from fright after catching a glimpse of his reflection while checking his teeth for watercress using a fish knife. Newsweek reports that the official cause of death listed on the 99.8-year-old’s death certificate is “old age,” simple as that, putting to bed any rumors that a hermit living in the hills behind Balmoral Castle cursed him with life-everlasting many centuries ago. And lest the entirety of the British Monarchy likewise die from old age, Prince William is stepping up as the hip, new, least racist face of the British Royal Family. He and Duchess Kate have launched a YouTube channel! Cue Prince Harry laughing in Netflix. “L00,000,000,000,000,000.00L!”