Category: Duchess Kate
While Everybody’s Hair Is Looking A Mess, Birthday Boy Prince Louis’ Hair Game Is Still A+++, ThankYouVeryMuch
Prince Louis turns two years old today, and since one of Prince William and Duchess Kate’s actual job requirements is to be those parents who constantly post pictures of their kid on Facebook so that people can be like, “Oh my god, my eyes have been blessed by the cutest child in the world,” they completed their job requirement by posting new pictures of Louis for his second born day. And the pictures were taken by the family’s regular photographer: Duchess Kate.
My hair is looking so raggedy that if a rat strolled up to my head with its real estate agent, it would say, “Why the hell did you bring me to this lurid digs ass nest? Did I say I wanted a teardown?!” But here’s Prince Louis serving up some side-swept 90s Linda Evangelista perfection. We’re already going through enough and now we have to deal with being shown up by a kid!
Princess Anne Wishes That Younger Royals Would Go Back To Basics
“Well, she’s obviously talking about us since William and Kate never left BASIC,” said a catty Prince Hot Ginge before throwing his copy of Vanity Fair onto a lounger and snapping at his Los Angeles pool boy to slather more SPF Infinity & Beyond onto his freckled bottom crumpets. Listen, during these times, just let me have my PHG/pool boy fantasy.
Vanity Fair’s May cover story is devoted entirely to THE QUEEN’s only daughter Princess Anne, and even though there’s a lot of messiness going on in the royal family right now (PHG and Meghan Markle leaving, Prince Andrew being a part-time resident of Pedophile Island, etc…), Princess Anne didn’t get into anything like that and her profile doesn’t really deliver anything new. But she did throw a look of disagreement at the young tricks of the royal family for trying to be *~diFferEnt~* instead of just shutting up and cutting that damn ribbon at a hospital wing opening.
Prince Harry And Meghan Markle’s Archewell Foundation Has Already Been Targeted By Trolls
This week, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle officially kicked off their big identity reboot since being forced to leave all their Sussex Royal branded baseball hats and beer koozies back at the palace. On Monday, they announced that they have named their non-profit foundation Archewell, after their son Archie. Harry and Meghan weren’t planning to make the announcement just yet, but the press got their hands on the alleged trademark applications for Archewell, so they claim they were forced to reveal Archewell a little sooner than planned.
Because they were forced to hit fast forward on the announcement, they didn’t have time to secure the domain name “archewellfoundation.com.” And so someone grabbed it before they did, and let’s just say they weren’t very charitable when the site went live.
Duchess Kate Took Off Her Engagement Ring
With Meghan Markle and Prince Harry out of the line of fire and lying dormant somewhere in L.A., I guess it’s Duchess Kate and Prince William’s turn to play human shield and protect The Firm from Prince Andrew’s insatiable appetite for pizza. Page Six reports that Kate was photographed without her engagement ring! Is Kate and William’s marriage in trouble, or is there something even more sinister afoot? I mean, yes, obviously the latter is true (see Prince Andrew above), but with a good percentage of the world on lockdown, this is what it’s come to. A Duchess removes her heirloom ring. Coronavirus has got us fucked up.
Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle Clocked Out On Their Final Event As Senior Royals
If you’re in London and happened to see a flame ball of tip-moistening hotness and a bowl of really fancy-looking spinach cartwheeling down the street, don’t worry, it was just Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle celebrating their almost freedom from being professional royals. Today, PHG and Meghan completed their last hard labor task of smiling and waving as a top tier royal, and can now devote all of their time to doing the hard labor task of collecting a mountain of money in exchange for saying words to a bunch of rich assholes at a bank event, and/or saying words in front of a camera. But of course, PHG and Meghan’s last royal job didn’t end without a bit of drama. At their final event today, everyone reached for a pashmina as their nipples got hard from the awkward coldness wafting off of Duchess Kate as she seemingly ignored The Suckits.
Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Are Back In London (For Now)
Duchess Camilla must be sleeping well this week because she’s been relieved of British tabloid punching bag duty – Meghan Markle is back in town! March 31st is Prince Harry and Meghan’s last day as seniors royals. But before they have to take “Royal” off all their social media and T-shirts they planned to hawk on Etsy, they have to finish up a few previously scheduled royal engagements. Harry has been in London already hyping up the Invictus Games and having four-hour heart-to-hearts with Grammy, er, THE QUEEN. But now Meghan is there to do one last whirl of smiles, nods and handshakes (OK, maybe not that…unless you’re Prince William) before she can steal Harry once and for all on the other side of the pond! Meanwhile, Archie is back in Canada. Continue reading