Future Is Dropping His Counter-Lawsuit Against Ciara

Future and Ciara, seen above long before they sued each other for millions of dollars and dragged each other on social media, appeared to have come one step closer to ending their dramatic messy feud.

Back in February, Ciara slapped her former fiancé and father of her 2-year-old son Future Zahir with a $15 million defamation lawsuit. Ciara claimed Future damaged her reputation by saying she was a crappy mom. Future slapped back with a counter-suit, claiming you can’t ruin the career of someone who doesn’t have a career anymore. Last month, Future was awarded shared custody of Future Jr. It sounds like spending more time with their kid has calmed his thirst for revenge against Future Jr.’s mommy, because TMZ says that he’s dropped his counter-suit.

According to sources close to Future, who I’m guessing are his close friends Past and Present (I deserve all the groans for that one), he’s afraid that if he pursues that counter-suit, Ciara will get revenge by taking him back to court, which could mess up their current custody agreement. Future is really happy that he gets to spend more time with their son, so he decided to stop poking at the bee’s nest and drop his lawsuit. Ciara, however, is still suing Future for $15 million.

I don’t have kids, so I can’t say for sure if spending more time with them is better than trying to destroy your ex-fiancée in court. But I have spent three days in jury duty selection before. The memory of being stuck in a boring-ass court room watching five sweaty adults fight over the last uncompleted Sudoku puzzle still haunts me. So personally, I too would take changing poopy training pants and watching Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood till I saw cartoon tigers in my nightmares. I think you chose wisely, Future.

Pic: Wenn.com

Betsey Johnson Brought Ten Tons Of “It” To The CFDA Awards

It was very nice of Betsey Johnson to remove her name from the nominees list, and therefore give people like Beyonce a fighting chance at taking home the CFDA’s Fashion Icon award. I’m assuming that’s what happened. Betsey Johnson has always been my favorite fashion weirdo. Even when I was very little and my knowledge of fashion was limited to skorts and whatever the look is called when you loop the bottom of a t-shirt through the neck hole, I knew that she was the definition of effortless, carefree WTF style. Effortless, because she always looks like she put in zero effort. Carefree, because I’m sure she’s free of cares when it comes to what anybody thinks about her. And WTF, because I still cannot figure out what the fuck is going on with those glue-in hair extension.

Betsey brought her carefree WTF style to the CFDA Awards last night. Betsey Johnson gave everyone “getting-her-groove-back grandma” mixed with Janice the Muppet and a side of boxed wine buzz. She’s on vacation from all her worries and troubles and the collection agency that won’t stop calling and demanding payment for that pesky overdue TJ Maxx credit card bill, and she doesn’t care who knows it! Betsey looks like she’s about to climb over the bar at her all-inclusive Mexican resort, grab a bottle of rum and a handful of limes, and smoker-bark over to her friends Buffy, Bambi, and Binky: “See you in the pool!” I want to be this version of Betsey Johnson when I grow up.

Of course, there always has to be a runner-up in the Pageant of Life, and I choose to give that honor to Selma Blair.

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A Judge Has Ruled That Ciara And Future Have To Split Custody Of Their Son

Usually the warm feeling around my heart is the result of eating too many Doritos before noon, but today it was caused by the cuteness that is a picture of a baby leaving an airplane while holding an airplane.

Despite the fact that Future Zahir is only two days away from turning 2, it feels like Ciara and her ex-fiance Future have been dragging him into their drama since the beginning of time. Or at least shortly after the beginning of his time. Three months after Ciara and Future became parents, they split up, then got back together a month later, then split up again. Then Ciara started seeing Russell Wilson and letting him hang out with Baby Future, which pissed Future off enough to publicly slap at Ciara’s parenting skills and accuse her of denying him daddy time. That pissed Ciara off and she slapped him with a $15 million defamation lawsuit. Future responded by counter-suing. Which brings us to yesterday.

According to TMZ, Ciara 1-2 stepped into a courtroom yesterday and asked a judge for sole custody of Baby Future, and I’m pretty sure you can guess the reason why. If you said “Because Ciara accused him of being a crappy dad?“, congratulations, you’ve won a glamorous prize (the plastic bowtie from a Jewel Secrets Ken doll). Future was also in the courtroom yesterday, and his contribution to the conversation was to ask for joint custody. The judge agreed, and decided that Ciara and Future will share joint custody.

Neither Ciara nor Future have said anything about their new custody arrangement, but I’m going to go out on a limb and assume Ciara probably isn’t very happy about it. But she needs to look on the bright side: Baby Future spending more time at daddy’s house means more time to practice walking slowly down the aisle at her wedding. Look, if I was about to marry a dude who asked me to wait until our wedding night for sex, I’d need to get in as much practice as possible not to sprint full-speed down the aisle.

Pic: Splash

Future Responds To Ciara’s $15 Million Defamation Lawsuit By Suing Her Back

Back in February, sometime singer/current engaged person Ciara (seen moments before she redefined the word petty by refusing to say her ex’s name while announcing the Billboard nominees in the picture above) whipped a defamation lawsuit at the father of her baby and former fiance, Future. Ciara claimed Future was dragging her name through the mud and publicly accusing her of being a shitty mom to their almost 2-year-old son Future Zahir, and was seeking $15 million. The Jasmine Brand (via TMZ) says Future has responded to Ciara’s lawsuit with a lawsuit of his own. How very daytime soap opera of you, Future.

Future is counter-suing Ciara, claiming that there’s no way he could have damaged her reputation or career because she doesn’t exactly have one anymore. Future refers to Ciara’s last album, Jackie, as a flop, which it sort of was, and brings up the fact that Ciara hasn’t won many awards in the past couple years. Basically what Future is implying is that the only way you could use “hot” in the same sentence as Ciara’s name would be if you were telling the story about a stolen car that had a copy of Goodies in the CD player. He also sort of accuses Ciara of suing him for publicity. Ciara? Publicity? The woman who got engaged on Instagram would never!

Future isn’t asking for nearly as much as Ciara is. He just wants his legal fees paid for and for her to stop talking shit about him. I know the desire for a melodramatic type to go off on their ex after a couple glasses of wine is strong, but maybe Ciara’s goodies will help distract her the next time she wants to publicly slap at Future. “Girl! Hey! Look down here! Remember how we’re one step closer to finally riding on Russell Wilson’s dick? That’s right, put down your phone and go to your happy place, girl.”

Pic: Splash

Russell Wilson Will Finally Be Able To Take Ciara’s Goodies Out Of The Jar

Page Six says that after dating (but not fucking) for almost a year, Ciara and her football player boyfriend Russell Wilson are getting married. That frantic winding sound you just heard was Russell Wilson’s desperate dick setting his True Love Waits countdown clock to their wedding night. Ciara and Russell announced they were making it legal this afternoon on Instagram.

She said Yes!!! Since Day 1 I knew you were the one. No Greater feeling… #TrueLove @Ciara

A video posted by Russell Wilson (@dangerusswilson) on Mar 11, 2016 at 12:33pm PST

You know you got a big-ass engagement ring when that shit sparkles in the dark. I don’t even have flashlights that provide as much illumination. Ciara later confirmed it by posting the picture above of Russell getting down on one knee. Again, you know you’re dealing with a monster of a rock if the setting sun is creeping up on your hand, like “Damn, lemme get a peek at that.”

This will be Russell’s second marriage and Ciara’s first. She was previously with Future, who she has a 1-year-old son named Future Zahir with. Ciara is also currently suing Future for $15 million for saying she’s a bad mother. In case you forgot, the reason Future called her a bad mother was because he saw pictures of Russell pushing Future Zahir around in a stroller. So, there’s at least one person who probably won’t be sending them a congratulations basket from Edible Arrangements today.

So Ciara’s pussy is finally going to get to do the 1,2 Step on Russell’s dick. But what’s really getting me excited about Ciara’s wedding is wondering if she’ll twerk down the aisle on the hood of a car like in the video for “Oh.” I know that won’t happen, but a trashy girl can dream. Here’s Russell and Ciara last weekend at the Givency show in Paris.

Pic: Ciara, Wenn.com

Ciara’s Goodies Almost Made A Break For It Last Night

Oh, don’t mind Russell Wilson; he’s just been trying so hard not to stare into Ciara’s front no no hole that he’s fallen into some kind of catatonic state. I’m sure he’s fine.

If there’s one night of the year when a famous type can throw out everything they know about class, taste, style, common sense, and Spanx, it’s the Grammys. I’m pretty sure if you look on your invitation, the dress code is simply a picture of Toni Braxton from the 43rd Grammy Awards. Unfortunately, only a handful of people observed the dress code and came barely-draped in their tacky finest. The most elegant of which was Ciara, who showed up in a table runner held together with a bunch of ribbons and damn near flashed everyone her panty goodies.

I’m not sure why Ciara and Russell Wilson were at the Grammys, since she hasn’t been nominated for one in six years and he doesn’t sing, but I’m really glad they did. Otherwise, we might have missed out on Ciara’s gorgeously trampy formal nightgown thing. Ciara looks like a slutty Miami dancer (I’ll let you decide what kind of dancer) named Porquoi? who works for diamonds and really really wants to fuck Scarface, and I’m into it.

With that being said, if this is how Ciara dresses now, I can’t wait to see what kind of high-end classiness $15 million lawsuit winner Ciara shows up in next year.

Of course, there were a few close seconds in terms of pure class and elegance, like Joy Villa and the always stunning Z LaLa (who came dressed like an IKEA As-Is section version of Cher). On the other end of the spectrum was Dancia, who said “Fuck it” to sexy and covered herself in whatever she could grab from Nicki Minaj’s storage locker from 2010 and glue to her pink onesie.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com