Ciara Has Dropped Part Of Her Defamation Lawsuit Against Future

Single-named entertainers and one-time couple Ciara and Future have been tip-toeing further and further away from their dirty defamation fight ever since they started it back in February. Ciara has taken the latest step to end the drama. However, it doesn’t really have anything to do with wanting to play nice.

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Mr. And Mrs. Wilson Made Their Red Carpet Debut Last Night

Ciara and her new husband Russell Wilson got married last week, something we know because they wasted no time after the ceremony grabbing their phones and Instagramming a picture from their wedding with a quote about being “The Wilsons.” But it was sort of a waste of time, because when you’re a famous person, the only thing that matters is the first time you stroll down a red carpet at a fancy event wearing your rings. I’m sure at the end of a celebrity wedding, the officiant says: “I now pronounce you…eligible for lots of attention. You may now make your red carpet debut at the awards show of your choice. But do it soon before people lose interest.”

So it was really great timing for Ciara and Russell Wilson that the ESPYS were held only a week after their wedding. Not only did they get to walk the red carpet, they also presented awards as well. I am surprised they managed to make it at all, what with all the constant sex they’re having. Actually, that might explain those tired eyes. Russell usually has a permanent case of sleepy eyes (he literally always looks like you woke him up from a couch nap), but so does Ciara. Those tired eyes they brought to the ESPYS red carpet last night are definitely the result of banging for 168 hours straight. They probably only had enough energy to put on their fancy red carpet clothes and move from the limo to the carpet. I hope they had an EMT waiting close by in case one of them passed out from sex-induced exhaustion.

Here’s more of The Wilsons (a name I still can’t type without hearing it screamed by Dennis the Menace in my head). Russell wore a tux, Ciara wore a snazzy HSN scarf attached to a pink skirt. She also managed to get in some “Look at my giant-ass ring” poses. Good for you, Ciara!

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Russell Wilson Finally Took Ciara’s Goodies Out Of The Jar

Yes, newlyweds Ciara and Russell Wilson finally had sex. Although this probably isn’t new news for those of you who were born with supersonic hearing. I’m sure that about six seconds after Ciara and Russell said “I do” on Wednesday, you were probably able to detect the sound of Ciara breaking the sound barrier as she sprinted at Mach 5 to her honeymoon suite and throwing a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the doorknob.

When Russell Wilson started dating Ciara about a year ago, he let it be known that his Christian penis wasn’t 1-2 stepping into Ciara’s pussy. Despite the fact that Russell had been married once before, he wanted to keep it pure until marriage. Ciara was ok with that, and thus began Russell and Ciara’s Celibacy Journey. A journey that their parts clearly got a little impatient of being on; less than a year they got engaged, which was followed by a wedding only a couple months after that. I don’t blame them for hitting the fast forward button. Imagine wanting to fuck, but the only thing stopping you was a priest and a couple rings and a gift table full of fancy-wrapped toasters? Terrible.

Anyway, TMZ says that Ciara announced the news that Russell had gotten all up in her goodies by Snapchatting a Blair Witch-looking video of the two of them making “We had seeex!” faces and not-so-subtly implying that it happened more than once.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37NzZbxc2rA

As for what it was like, a source tells HollywoodLife that Russell cried after it happened. Are we sure those were tears? Russell has been holding it for so long, there’s a good chance that was leftover nut juice that needed to find an emergency exit after the cabin pressure in his penis dropped.

Russell and Ciara obviously needed to give their crotches a break from all the fucking they’re doing, because here they are out shopping in London yesterday. Or maybe they’re actually just doing a quick lube run? I’m sure if we wait long enough, they’ll Snapchat us the answer.

Pics: Snapchat, Splash, Wenn.com

Ciara And Russell Wilson Got Married Today (UPDATE)

It’s time to toss a giant handful of penis-shaped confetti and pop that bottle of celebratory lube you were saving, because the day Ciara’s very patient pussy has been waiting for has finally arrived! Less than four months after they got engaged by the light of a professional photographer’s camera kit, E! News has confirmed that Ciara and Russell Wilson got married this afternoon at a fancy-ass castle in Cheshire, England. This is Ciara’s first marriage and Russell Wilson’s second.

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Ciara Is Afraid Future Might Murder Russell Wilson

I guess it was really only a matter of time before Ciara dragged her fiancé Russell Wilson into her very messy million-dollar defamation lawsuit against the father of her 2-year-old son and her former fiancé, Future. Once you make plans to get married to someone, you start merging your lives together. And when you’re a famous person, that apparently includes bringing them into your drama.

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Here’s Fergie’s New Video For “M.I.L.F.$”

Fergie Ferg celebrates motherhood by dousing her lady humps, bumps, lumps, dumps, what have you (“chumps” comes to mind when Kim Kardashian’s hot air balloon disaster ass wobbles up) in milk in her new “MILF$” video. It’s a pervy celebration of mommy complexes, Mary Kay Letourneau-esque classroom fap fantasies, and lactation. Yum!

According to the opening shot, “MILF” in this case stands for “Mothers I’d Like To Follow,” so expect something innocent and demure. That’s dumb. She shrieks out “motherfucker” at least three times during the course of this faux cum fiesta. Why the backpedaling?

In addition to Kummy Kakes, celebrity moms assisting Fergie in her effort to turn the world off of dairy forever are Chrissy Teigen, Ciara, Alessandra Ambrosio, Devon Aoki, Gemma Ward, Angela Lindvall, Amber Valletta, Tara Lynn, Natasha Poly, and Isabeli Fontana.

The only one I fully support in this video is Amber Valleta because she was the recipient of one of the better television hell diva flip-offs in recent history when Madeline Stowe’s Victoria read her character’s sidepiece ass on Revenge.

She must have emerged from that feeling shiny and brand-new. Like an acid bath makeover! “Every time I hug you is my hatred burning through.” Gather her, Victoria Grayson!

Fergie should have given this messy video some class by having Victoria’s Grayson’s dead-eyed resentful ass “sexy” yoga mom-ing it alongside these other chicks.

Check out the video (and some screencaps of Fergie and friends) in the gallery below.