Category: Emily Ratajkowski

Let Celine Dion Tell You What “Camp” Is….

May 7, 2019 / Posted by:

Most tricks of the Met Gala did not do the smart thing before picking their outfits by consulting true experts in camp like John Waters, the ghost of Divine, Angelyne, Elvira, Harald Gloockler, Tan Mom, or even Phoebe Price. It seems that many of them went to the same place: CHER. There was so much Cher-a-likes that the damn theme should’ve been Cher, who even performed (more on that in a second). Celine Dion also slathered herself in Cher, but it worked for me, because she’s Celine Dion, and also it looked like her head was getting attacked by a gay tumbleweed. Celine was asked what camp is to her, and her answer was so hilarious and wrong that I think it counts as camp…

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Emily Ratajkowski Defends Her Millionaire Husband For Not Paying Rent. He’s An Activist Artiste Making A Statement, Okay!?!

March 27, 2019 / Posted by:

I see you privileged bitches laughing, heaving, and rolling your eyes over struggling chonies model Emily RideAJetSki (reported net worth: $6 million) and her struggling filmmaker husband Sebastian Bear-Mcclard (reported net worth: $12 million) using a struggling artists loophole to get out of paying rent on his Manhattan loft. How dare you! You’re sitting there on your working desk chair, sipping your luxurious Dunkin’ Donuts coffee while wearing a lush Old Navy cardigan as Emily and Sebastian try to keep their berets (because their artistes!) from falling off their heads as they tussle with a rat who stole their last crumb!

We knew that Emily is thirsty (see: her Instagram page), but earlier this month we learned that she and her husband are starving, specifically starving artists who owe his landlord $120,000 in unpaid rent on the NoHo loft he’s lived in since 2013. There’s a law in New York that keeps landlords from kicking out poor artists and other tenants who don’t pay rent on apartments that don’t have a certificate of occupancy or have fire/smoke alarms, etc… Sebastian’s building doesn’t, so in 2017, he used that law to stop paying his monthly $4,900 rent. Emily has now decided to say words about that and she claims her husband isn’t rich and is standing up to THE MAN. It probably took Emily so long to respond because she’s so poor she can’t afford internet or phone service on her iPhone XS Max and it took her a while to figure out the neighbor’s WiFi password (which is: FuckThoseRichBitchesNextDoor666).

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Emily Ratajkowski’s Millionaire Husband Is Using A Legal Loophole Meant For Struggling Artists To Get Out Of Paying Rent

March 5, 2019 / Posted by:

It’s a sad state of affairs when a model with biggish titties like Emily Ratajkowski simply cannot catch a break in this world. Poor thing is too stacked to be taken seriously as an actress, and had to stand next to Robin Thicke and bounce said burdensome mammaries (against her better judgement mind you!) for a check in the Blurred Lines video! Emily’s latest cross to bear, according to the New York Post, is being threatened with eviction from her NoHo loft in Manhattan because her millionaire husband, film producer Sebastian Bear-McClard, doesn’t think he should have to pay rent like everybody else. This is the same cheap bastard that had his best friend, noted joke-thief The Fat Jew, officiate their wedding. At city hall no less!

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“Get Out” Won Best Picture At The Independent Spirit Awards (And WTF Is Timothée Chalamet Wearing?)

March 4, 2018 / Posted by:

He looks like if Damien from The Omen got a job at Jiffy Lube. That’s current Hollywood slobber object Timothee Chalamat holding his statue for Best Male Lead for his part as a teenage twink in love with a much older dude in Call Me By Your Name. The Independent Spirit Awards were held yesterday. Variety reports that Jordan Peele’swhite people really ARE evil!” horror/comedy/satire Get Out won for Best Feature and Best Director, and honestly, why is Timothee dressed like a gas station attendant? Surely choosing an outfit for these things isn’t that much of a stressor that you say “eff it” and go with coveralls?

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Emily Ratajowski Got Married To Her Boyfriend Of A Few Weeks

February 24, 2018 / Posted by:

There isn’t a better picture of two people thinking “WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO?!?” at the exact same moment. Model Emily Ratajowski, 26 (she’s the one in the evil preacher hat and veil) married actor/producer Sebastian Bear-McClard (oh, lordy at that name) at City Hall in NYC on Friday. They’ve only been together for a few weeks, according to People. Now that’s love. Or a pregnancy cuz’ one of them is traditional. Or enough champagne and whatever-illicit-substance-you’ve-been-using-together cocktails to make you believe marrying someone you just banged is a super good idea. Hopefully she directed her two guests to donate to her Go Fund Me page so she can get that career-saving breast reduction. Continue reading

Emily Ratajkowski Says Her Boobs Are Preventing Her From Getting Work

July 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Poor Emily Ratajkowski. After appearing in the video for Blurred Lines and landing the role as Ben Affleck’s mistress in Gone Girl, Emily no doubt spent much time prancing around her house singing: “The name on every body’s lips is gonna be…Ratski.” That hasn’t happened for Emily and she blames it on her big, beautiful boobs.

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