Famed Italian “giallo” director Dario Argento is known for his stylish and much-imitated horror flicks, with the most revered one being 1977’s “I think my dance instructor might be Satan!” cult epic Suspiria. Dario Argento was interviewed by Radio Rai 1’s Un Giorno da Pecora (via The Film Stage) and the host brought up 2018’s remake of Suspiria by “Call Me By Your Name” director Luca Guadagnino that starred Tilda Swinton and that bore from the 50 Shades trilogy. Suffice to say, Dario wasn’t thrilled by the remake and probably acted like those incel-types by trying to tank it on Rotten Tomatoes out of spite.
During the Golden Globes last night, host Sandra Oh made a joke about Crazy Rich Asians, saying that it was the “first studio film with an Asian-American lead since Ghost in the Shell and Aloha.” Now, as you remember Ghost In The Shell and Aloha both cast white chicks as Asian characters. Everyone laughed and laughed, and one person who was laughing out of discomfort and shame, decided she would clear the air live: the quarter-Chinese, quarter-Hawaiian character herself, Emma Stone.
Only Tilda Swinton could post a 6-minute long video of her dogs on the internet and have it be dubbed high art. I mean sure, she appears to have used a very nice camera and scored it with an opera by Handel, but a dog video is a dog video. But it’s Tilda so it must be art! I have a feeling that if I posted a 6-minute video of my cat licking his pecker and set to “The Magic Flute”, I’d get flagged for content violation.
I’ve seen the original Suspiria from 1977 exactly one time, and now I’m officially scared of ballet, stained glass windows, loose piles of razor wire, and the prog-rock band Goblin. The remake starring Dakota Johnson comes out in theaters tomorrow, and the Los Angeles premiere was held last night in Hollywood. Luckily, the red carpet wasn’t nearly as terrifying as I was imagining it might be. Well, unless you count Dakota Johnson in a sequined second choice from the Dynasty wardrobe department as terrifying.
Open Post: Hosted By Tilda Swinton Looking Like The Mayor Of Whoville At The VFF Premiere Of “Suspiria”
If you can’t get Toni Collette for your satanic dance academy horror flick remake (ooo, Hereditary was so good and she was so good in it as Trauma Mom), then you grab yourself some Tilda Swinton! Tilda is the androgynous acting angel whose handsome countenance lifts every movie she’s in to a much higher level. Here she is at the Suspiria premiere at the Venice International Film Festival yesterday looking like she’s about to shut the Grinch down with some roast beast and a bit of “HA HOO WHORE HAY.”
Luca Guadagnino’s remake of the 1977 horror classic Suspiria is getting mixed reviews so far, but Tilda’s been noted as the bright spot. And there’s a rumor that 82-year-old newcomer Lutz Ebersdorf, who plays a shrink in the movie, is really Tilda in heavy prosthetics. Luca has denied that. I believe Luca. Like Tilda needs prosthetics to change into another face. All she has to do is raise her face toward the rays shooting off of her home planet and hum the shape-shifting chant of her alien ancestors as her face changes into that of an 82-year-old German man. Prosthetics! How insult. They act like Tilda is a mere human.
Check out more pics of Tilda from the Suspiria premiere in the gallery below including Dakota Johnson, Thom Yorke (he did the music), Cate Blanchett, Naomi Watts, Alek Wek, Chloe Grace Moretz, Mia Goth, and the original Suspiria’s star Jessica Harper!
The brown-haired, dead-eyed wooden model named Bella Hadid is currently at Cannes. And the other brown-haired, dead-eyed wooden model named Emily RideAJetski is also at Cannes, and at yesterday’s premier of Nelyubov, she dropped massive amounts of black lace under-titty classiness on the red carpet. That’s a whole lot of look, but it’s Cannes! If you’re not delivering a whole lot of look, take your ass to the People’s Choice Awards. Although, since Emily is permanently suffering from a severe case of dehydration, she’d wear this to the People’s Choice Awards too.
It looks like some of the worst trends simultaneously caca’d all over Emily. Underboob? Check! Chichis window? Check! Nude illusion? Check!
On I Love Lucy, Lucy would sometimes wear this glamorous sheer housecoat thing over cigarette pants and it was a perfect vision of elegance, and Emily RideAJetSki’s look is like the NastyDress.com version of that. This is something Sophia Loren would’ve worn back in the day if she was tacky, on a budget and suffered from narcolepsy so she needed a fluffy duvet handy for quick naps.
And just when you thought that Emily RideAJetSki reached the pinnacle of elegance with this look, she faced the front and showed off a crotch seam that looks like a never-ending sparkly landing strip (see: first picture in the gallery and prepare to be hit by the classiness of it all).
Here’s more from the Nelyubov premiere and I also threw in pictures from today’s Okja premiere because I just couldn’t ignore Tilda Swinton looking like a glorious albino alien mother of the bride.
Pics: Backgrid, Wenn.com