During last night’s Oscars, Dakota Johnson presented with her Fifty Shades Duller co-star Jamie Dornan, and they did a hilarious bit where they pretended to have chemistry with each other. Clearly Dakota was afraid all the crotch-searing sexuality between her and Jamie would be too much for the audience to handle, and she dressed accordingly. And by accordingly, I mean she counter-balanced it by dressing in an unsexy satin nightgown situation that was made by Gucci.
Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander are at the Venice Film Festival promoting their Oscar bait of a movie, The Light Between Oceans, and I am 100% sure that 10/10 reporters on that red carpet said to him, “Hey, Michael, I’d let you put your light between my oceans.” That doesn’t really make sense, but when interviewing Michael Fassbender, you should always turn the title of the movie he’s pimping into a pick-up line.
If I was doing Michael Fassbender full-time, I’d probably wear a t-shirt that says, “I Am Doing Michael Fassbender Full-Time,” but they’re one of those ~private couples~ who don’t really talk about their relationship. But while talking to Good Morning America (via UsWeekly) about making The Light Between Oceans, Michael admitted that they started dating while making the movie in 2014:
“Yeah, we met on that job and have been seeing each other since. She’s such a fierce performer. She’s so brave. She’s not afraid to bring ugly personality traits to the forefront in characters. So I was really impressed by her immediately.”
The Light Between Oceans doesn’t come out until tomorrow, so I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m assuming that Alicia’s character limps in some scenes. Alicia’s character explains her limp by saying that she got it in an accident years ago, but we all know that she got that limp from regularly getting on Michael Fassbender’s crotch boa.
And here’s Assbender in a suit and Alicia Vikander dressed like a disco Maria von Trapp at the Venice Film Festival premiere of their movie tonight.
Last week while encouraging the Oberlin college students to fight the good fight for authentic dining hall sushi, Lena Dunham reposted (then later deleted) an Instagram post by Girls producer Tami Sagher encouraging New Yorkers to peel away the guns from the Jason Bourne subway posters. Maria Menounos recently asked Jason Bourne himself what he thought about Lena Dunham calling on subway passengers to remove the gun from his cold, two-dimensional hands.
If there’s one thing we all learned from Showgirls, it’s that there’s always someone younger, hungrier and meaner right behind you. Granted, that’s really the whole point of the story, but we learned so many things. Most importantly, that nipples can be orange sometimes. Why? Because. That lesson isn’t lost on even the youngest and newest Hollywood stars. The younger, hungrier thing – not the orange nipples. Like thespian du jour, Alicia Vikander.
Alicia is on the cover of this month’s Vogue UK and inside she takes a minute to talk about what drives her. Even though she’s fresh off of winning an Oscar, she knows she’s still got to hustle and bust a move if she wants to stay on top. When asked what keeps her going, she said:
“You have the fear. Maybe that’s why I keep on working. Because it will stop one day.”
Alicia is 27, so she’s right to be afraid. Pretty soon she’ll be reaching Maggie Gyllenhaal territory. She’s fine for the moment though because she’ll hopefully have someone franchise money coming in with that Lara Croft reboot. Alicia also spoke about the advice her Jason Bourne co-star, Matt Damon, gave her about winning an Oscar. She says it was the best advice she got in regards to the possible win.
“He told me what a rush it was. I think his was the best advice. He said, ‘Enjoy it.'”
I like how that also subtly says, “I knew I’d win, so I was looking for advice on life after.” Confidence is key in a town like Hollywood. Just look at Sally Kirkland. She’s still top of the tops! Not one to let us forget that she’s boning Michael Fassbender, Alicia snuck in a reminder. The two are hella private with their love, but she wanted her man by her side when she did win that Oscar.
“That wasn’t even a question. It felt like the right thing. We wanted to sit next to each other, simple as that. We wouldn’t have gone there and not sat together.”
Young, successful, Oscar winner, dating one of the top dudes in the biz. We get it Alicia, your life is a damn dream. Just please, no more dresses from the Disney World costume shack.
Here’s Alicia and Matt Damon promoting that Jason Bourne movie in Australia earlier today.
Pics: Vogue, Splash
When two sources “confirmed” that Kerry Washington had another baby growing in her belly yesterday, I made a joke that Kerry would confirm it herself by posing on the red carpet of the Met Gala with her hand placed on her stomach. And last night Kerry Washington hit the Met Gala red carpet with her hand on her stomach. Although I almost didn’t notice that hand because I was too distracted by that purple hair. Mon Dieu (splashes self with holy water), that hair! I am so conflicted. It’s not permanent (Instagram tells me that those are extensions), so that’s good. It sort of looks like the kind of fake hair you’d find on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which makes me want to pour myself a hot mug of penicillin. On the other hand, it looks like it was found on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which means it’s 100% pure fake hair perfection.
I’ve known some pregnant people, and one thing I’ve gleaned is that sometimes being knocked up makes you do some crazy things. Case in point: the gorgeous black lace boudoir ensemble Kerry is wearing. I feel like non-knocked up Kerry wouldn’t wear that. But knocked up Kerry? Sure! The more black lace the better. Or maybe this is Kerry’s way of paying tribute to Prince. If Prince designed maternity clothes, I’m almost positive that’s what he’d make.
Kerry didn’t exactly do much with the technology theme, but there were a few people who tried. Let’s start with Demi Lovato.
“Eh, at least I still got Star Wars” thought Daisy Ridley. Last month, we learned that a Tomb Raider reboot was happening and that they were looking for a new Lara Croft. Well, hopeful actresses can stop cutting their khakis into booty shorts and stop praying that their waist-length “Crypt Robber” braid arrives from Cosplay4Less.com before their audition, because the position of Lara Croft has been filled.
Deadline has confirmed that the new Lara Croft will be played by Alicia Vikander. This new Tomb Raider will be all about a young Lara Croft on her first adventure where she, I assume, becomes proficient in raiding tombs. It will be directed by Roar Uthaug, and will be the third Tomb Raider film in the franchise. As if you’ve forgotten, Lara Croft was played in the first two (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider and Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life) by Angelina Jolie.
Alicia is pretty much a real-life Disney princess, so she’s probably going to go hard on the bad-ass training to become Lara Croft. That means lots of jumping and running and shooting guns. Although she can probably skip the part about learning how to handle large snakes, since I’m pretty sure sexing on Michael Fassbender has taught her all she knows about that.
No word on when Tomb Raider Jr. will start shooting or who else is involved. But Deadline does say that Alicia beat out the following actresses who were rumored to be up for the role: Daisy Ridley (of course), Cara Delevingne, Emilia Clarke, and Saoirse Ronan. Is it too late to cast Cara Delevingne? That’s the movie I want to see. “Oi mates, first we gonna get drunk, then we gonna raid some tombs. If anyone decides to start some shit, I’ll yank off their weave, understood?”