Step aside, Spare, there’s a new memoir in town for us to consume for free before it even hits shelves! Pamela Anderson’s upcoming memoir, Love, Pamela, seemingly sheds light on several douchey men who peaked in the 90s; we already heard she thinks her ex-husband Tommy Lee was probably her one true love. She also shared that another of her many ex-husbands, Kid Rock, doesn’t reek of dick cheese and the Confederacy. Ok, ok, I made that one up, but that would be a shocking revelation, no? Pam’s book and accompanying Netflix doc, Pamela, A Love Story, won’t be released until January 31, but another (actual) excerpt from the book has been exposed: Pam says on her very first day of filming on the set of Home Improvement, Tim Allen exposed himself to her. When asked for comment, Tim (obviously) denied the allegation.

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Beyonce is about to make zillions off of her upcoming tour, but that’s still not good enough for her. Since we know her first love will always be a check, Beyonce packed up Jay-Z and the rest of their brood for an exclusive VIP performance at Dubai’s brand new hotel for high rollers, Atlantis The Royal. And in an attempt to keep the riff-raff (ie, “poor people“) from experiencing such opulence, the hotel put a restriction on anyone trying to use their cell phones to capture a glimpse of Beyonce’s performance. Of course, that didn’t work at all.

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Kylie Jenner and her on-and-off-again piece/father of her two kids, Travis Scott, are off again, so he’s probably covered in tons of pussy today (“And that’s different from when he was with her how…?” asked you, making a point). So at the Schiaparelli Lukewarm Mess Haute Couture Spring/Summer 2023 in Paris today, Kylie showed that two tricks can play at the game by partly covering herself with a giant pussy. The other stuffed animals at the Disney store are definitely pouring one out for the poor plushie Mufasa who died just so he could be an accessory on a Kartrashian-DeJENNERate! But before Kylie Jenner delivered an all-cat look at the Schiaparelli show (see: that lion head, her kat klaw nails, and her serving “gassy Garfield trying to keep it sexy” in the face), she announced the replacement name for the baby boy she birthed out a year ago. Kylie and Travis have re-named their second child Aire. As for how you pronounce that, I figured “Aire” is just the exhausted exhale you make after hearing that Kylie Jenner gave her baby a name that sounds like a low-cost airline based in Europe. But according to Kylie herself, it’s simply pronounced AIR.

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Once upon a time, Tori Spelling was in so many dire financial straits it was rumored that she and her (on? off?) husband, Dean McDermott, couldn’t afford for him to have a vasectomy, so they made the sensible economic decision and just kept on raw-dogging more kids into existence. But things must really be looking up now since Tori recently said she spent $400 in just two days trying to see what could be seen for much less in Wild Things and Playboy on Denise Richards’ OnlyFans account. $400 on titties? In this economy?

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Welp, it looks like that Photoshop vacation that Aubrey O’Day went on had some very real-life repercussions, doll baby. It’s being reported that the 38-year-old former Danity Kane member is pregnant. Well, at least we know the dick that she must be getting actually exists because otherwise, Photoshop is getting realistic as HELL!

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