Category: Gross

Jesse James’ Pregnant Wife Accused Him Of Cheating And Filed For Divorce, But Then Called It Off The Next Day

December 5, 2022 / Posted by:

When famous motorcycle mechanic/well-known peen-passer Jesse “Vanilla Gorilla” James wed former porn star/current Second Amendment humper Bonnie Rotten in a sweaty outdoor June ceremony, harbingers of happiness and hope, such as screaming InfoWars’ gargoyle Alex Jones, everyone should’ve been able to rest assured that true love exists. Bonnie’s now carrying Jesse’s fetus, but caused a stir a few days ago when she posted (and deleted) an Instagram Story calling Jesse out for doing what Jesse’s always done–have fuck times with people who aren’t his wife. Jesse immediately denied the allegations, though he did admit the two had been in a blowout fight in which he called her the “r-word.” And today, Bonnie posted another story asking for peace and sharing that she’d called off the divorce. Now, the two are upset with the media for reporting on the information that they themselves first disbursed to their millions of followers.

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Open Post: Hosted By Ina Garten’s Husband, Jeffrey, Accidentally Sending A Love Text To Someone Who Wasn’t Her

November 3, 2022 / Posted by:

If you’ve ever seen Ina Garten’s cooking show, Barefoot Contessa, you probably gathered that she loves two things: using the hardest-to-find, most pretentious ingredients in her recipes and her husband of over 50 years, Jeffrey Garten. Jeffrey was a fixture on the show; most of the time, Ina was cooking for him or for an occasion centered around him, which was likely her chosen method of foreplay since it’s clear that the two of them like to get it in. Apparently, Jeffrey’s approach to getting Ina as moist as her famous roast chicken is with his words; and if you can’t deliver Ina a heartfelt letter using handmade heavyweight ylang-ylang scented stationary with a seal made from the wax of Madagascan bees, a cringey sexual boomer text sent to the wrong person is fine.

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Kim Kardashian And Ivanka Trump Had A 3-Hour Dinner Together And Probably Discussed Kanye West’s Antisemitic Remarks

October 24, 2022 / Posted by:

With beloved people like Coolio, Angela Lansbury, Leslie Jordan, and Robbie Coltrane recently passing away so close together, I was starting to feel like maybe they knew about something ominous that we didn’t. And just as I was trying to convince myself that I was being irrational and to toss that neurotic thought, the Queen of Thots, Kim Kardashian, joined forces with daddy’s favorite deplorable, Ivanka Trump. Although Kim’s busy with things like trying to make jewelry out of her mom’s bones and Ivanka’s busy making sure that her mom Ivana Trump’s grave stays grave; the two obvious harbingers of evil took time out of their busy schedules to meet for a dinner that lasted three hours–where they probably plotted about other possible means to fell humanity that don’t include more procreation. They also allegedly discussed Kim’s ex-husband Kanye West’s warp-speed downward spiral into blatant antisemitism.

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“The Crown” Will Recreate The Infamous Tampon Call Between King Charles And Queen Consort Camilla

October 19, 2022 / Posted by:

Back in 1989, King Charles and Queen Consort Camilla were having a horny little phone chat, when Charles said it would be “so much easier” if he could live inside Camilla’s trousers. Camilla joked that maybe Charles would get reincarnated as a pair of “knickers,” and Charles replied, “Or, God forbid, a Tampax! Just my luck!” Four years later, this conversation was leaked to the press, and it caused quite the scandal. But guess who loves royal scandals? Netflix’s The Crown! In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, Dominic West, who plays Charles in the fifth and sixth seasons, confirmed that the show will recreate the King and Queen Consort’s infamous phone call. Princess Diana’s death, and now Tampongate? The makers of The Crown aren’t afraid to get blood on their hands (I’m so sorry).

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Mila Kunis Says She And Ashton Kutcher Have An Open-Door Policy In Their Home, Bathrooms Included

September 30, 2022 / Posted by:

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have been at the forefront of the “skanky relatable family” schtick ever since they revealed that they don’t bathe their kids unless they see dirt on them and Ashton only ever washes his pits and crotch. Try-hards Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard even jumped on the bandwagon and made it known that they don’t wash their kids until they stink. Well, it’s time for Mila and Ashton to double down on their grossness and begin the next conversation among odiferous people who can definitely access proper hygiene and etiquette yet still reject it. Mila says they have an “open-door policy” and keep all doors in their house open, even when they’re using the bathroom. 

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Johnny Depp is Dating One Of The Attorneys Who Represented Him In His U.K. Trial Against The Sun

September 22, 2022 / Posted by:

I can hardly think of anything more romantic than standing in a court of law presenting a photograph of alleged human excrement left in the marital bed of your sexy movie star client in a failed effort to get a tabloid to take back calling him a “wife-beater. And apparently, I’m not the only one! Us Weekly reports that the “chemistry” between Johnny Depp and Joelle Rich, one of the attorneys who represented him in his libel suit against The Sun, is “off the charts.” Which is really saying something given the jumbo XXL chart opposing counsel presented with his text message that read “I have no mercy, no fear and not an ounce of emotion or what I once thought was love for this gold digging, low level, dime a dozen, mushy, pointless dangling overused flappy fish market … I can only hope that karma kicks in and takes the gift of breath from her,” that ultimately divorced the title “wife beater” from the word “allegedly,” at least as far as The Sun is concerned. So it’s not like giant charts don’t exist, there just isn’t one that can accommodate the incredible chemistry between Johnny and Joelle. Sources claim “it’s serious between them. They are the real deal.” Oh, and did I mention that Joelle is currently married with two kids? Man, talk about a meet cute!

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