Jon Gosselin Has Been Accused Of Physically Abusing His Son Collin, And Now There’s An Investigation
Some things never change like Justin Bieber’s chonies, Kanye West’s level of delusion, and Jon and Kate Gosselin’s shitty relationship and parental skills. The year is 2020 and the Gosselins are still in the “news,” and you’d think that because Kate Gosselin is the Karen prototype, she’d be in the news for gnawing off a manager’s jaw at Wegmans after she got shit for not wearing a mask. But they’re back in the news because Jon has been accused of getting violent with their 16-year-old son Collin, and Kate wants Jon to suffer a bigger punishment than, well, than being Jon Gosselin.
This is also good news for doctor’s office nurses and teachers whose brains will throb with confusion while trying to say the name X Æ A-12 Musk before throwing up their hands and going, “Fuck it, I’m going to lunch early, I don’t need this!” Although, little Aeon Flux A24 Musk will probably never see the inside of a doctor’s office since his ills will be treated with moon water-dipped crystals applied to his body by a cyborg drone in a nurse’s hat. And he’ll never see the inside of a classroom since he’ll get his schooling from an Elon Musk hologram that will just repeat his tweets on a loop.
But the news here is that Elon Musk and Grimes will have to choose a new name that’ll let their newborn baby know that they already hate him. Because if they wrote X Æ A-12 down on their baby’s birth certificate, a California state official will throw the same “did I eat a ton of acid for lunch or is that name for real” look that Elon is throwing in the picture above before stamping DENIED on that shit.
During a messy Instagram Live last night, Aaron Carter held up what appeared to be a positive pregnancy test, which would more than imply that his girlfriend Melanie Martin is pregnant. Aaron then went to People magazine and confirmed that Melanie is really pregnant with his kid.
When those of us who have read all those gay rumors and blind items heard that Jeremy Renner had made a baby with Sonni Pacheco six years ago, we shrugged and figured it was just your traditional Hollywood beard baby situation and they’d quietly break up a few months later once the contract had expired. Well, slap me and call me Susan, and not only because that’s my kink, but because I was wrong. They split up a year later and their divorce tussle slightly slid into the fuckery zone until they finally settled everything. But that was just the opening act for the explosion of shit-covered messiness that spewed out over their latest custody fight.
As they both fight for sole custody of their 6-year-old daughter Ava Berlin, they are shanking each other in a serious way with Sonni accusing Jeremy of being a violent cokey skank monster who shot a gun into the ceiling as their daughter was home, and Jeremy accusing Sonni of being a gold digging shit mom who’d rather party than take care of her child (same, Sonni, same!) and sent pictures of his Cockeye to their custody evaluator. Sonni has already asked the court for protection from Jeremy because she feels threatened by him and is afraid he might pull some violent moves on her during their hearings. And Sonni may be looking to ask for protection for Ava from Jeremy too, because she’s now claiming that he once bit the girl on the shoulder. Maybe Jeremy dropped a little coke on his daughter’s shoulder and was trying to lick it up. Everyone, even richies like Jeremy, go into IN THIS ECONOMY mode when it comes to wasting coke!
Back in May, Jenelle Evans of Teen Mom 2 and her husband David Eason, the human equivalent of a Calvin pissing on MY EX car decal, lost temporary custody of their children after he put down the family dog, Nugget. Child Protective Services took their 2-year-old Ensley and placed her with Jenelle’s mother, Barbara. Jenelle’s 4-year-old son Kaiser went to stay with his father Nathan Griffith. Barbara has custody of Jenelle’s 9-year-old son Jace, so he wasn’t removed. Instead, CPS said Jace’s visits at his mom’s house were suspended. David’s 11-year-old daughter Maryssa, whom he had custody of,went to live with her mom. TMZ is now reporting that a judge has gone ahead and given Jenelle two of her children back.
What you are looking at is a picture of former Teen Mom 2 star Jenelle Evans and a human can of Skoal, her husband David Eason, in what appears to be a tree lot a few weeks before last Christmas. And according to TMZ, there’s a 50% chance Jenelle and David either just had a visit from the cops, or were about to get a visit from the cops. Then again, the likelihood of a police visit would still be the same whether it was a picture from Easter or St. Patrick’s Day or Toyotathon. The cops have reportedly visited Jenelle and David a lot.