There was a rumor that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their fourth child/Instagram accessory Bear West, which isn’t a terrible name since it sounds like the second largest bear party held in Palm Springs. But because “Bear West” isn’t pretentiously dumb enough to make everyone roll their eyes out of their sockets, and because Kanye West wants to continue his transformation into psycho religious cult leader, they have gone with: Psalm West. “That’s psalm psad and pstupid pshit!” is probably what God shouted in heaven.
And you may not have read what their newest baby’s name is since your soul got sucked into Kim’s red latex kamel toe of destruction. Consider yourself lucky.
Much like her blonde serpentine nemisis, it would appear that Kim Kardashian has possibly been dropping hints about a big reveal. Well, it’s a big reveal if you’re the person at E! in charge of typing up the chyrons on KUWTK. People seems to think they’ve cracked the case on what sounds like the least popular Nancy Drew novel of our time: The Mystery of What Kim and Kanye Named Their Newest Kid.
If you thought that Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge naming their son Archie and not giving him a title was cruel and usual punishment, then stop it, he’s a royal, will never have to worry about a negative bank account balance, and can ask his cousin, Future King George, to send any bitches to the guillotine for making fun of him. Besides, you should really direct your sympathy to Amy Schumer’s son, because no amount of Rectiv ointment is going to heal him of the pain he’ll suffer through when he realizes what his alleged name is. That’s if his mom isn’t fucking with us.
Seen above laughing at their own baby naming joke are Myspace underwear model Tom Hardy and his wife Charlotte Riley, who have rolled out the
red carpet spit-up rags in welcoming their newborn son, whom they have reportedly named after a character in Forrest Gump. I wish like hell that I could report that they named their son Bubba Gump Shrimp Company Hardy, but “sources” say that Tom and Charlotte went boring on us and have instead named their child Forrest Hardy after Forrest Gump himself.
According to Page Six, 57-year-old Eddie Murphy and his 39-year-old fiancée Paige Butcher are now the parents of a son named Max Charles Murphy. Eddie’s rep confirmed the news to Page Six, saying that Max was born last Friday, and weighed in at 6 pounds, 11 ounces. His rep adds that “both mother and son are doing well.” Max’s middle name is a tribute to Eddie’s extremely funny late brother, Charlie Murphy, who passed away in 2017 after a battle with leukemia. I like to think Prince just congratulated Charlie in Heaven with a complimentary post-game pancake breakfast.
Eddie and Paige share a 2-year-old daughter named Izzy. As mentioned, Eddie has eight other kids ranging from the ages of 29 to 11, from four different relationships.
When it was announced earlier this year that Eddie Murphy had joined the cast of a sequel to the 1988 movie Twins, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, called Triplets, I thought “Who needs this?” Well, Eddie Murphy does, that’s who. He’s now got ten kids, and ten kids don’t come cheap. Between designer diapers and gold-plated hoverboards and whatever they do instead of college (aspiring Instagram influencer?), being the famous father of nearly a dozen DNA connections requires a mountain of shamefully-earned cash. Even Shrek money is bound to look like cup holder spare change when you enter the double-digits of celebrity spawning.
Before her son was even born, Kat Von D made two things very clear to the general public. One, that his name would be Leafar. Two, that she was the goth version of moms selling MLM oils on Facebook by announcing she was having a drug-free birth, and swearing that her vegan son would never be touched by toxic vaccines. Actually, that is pretty goth; you’re not totally committed to the goth life until you start actively bringing back old-time illnesses that could result in rigor mortis. That was several months ago, and Kat finally gave birth to her son. Kat made the announcement on Instagram yesterday with a picture of her new baby and her husband, Leafar Seyer.