A Situation Involving A Woman With A Gun And A Machete Went Down At The Kardashian’s Store

September 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Kris Jenner probably saw that her daughter’s boutique was trending online and got all excited that it was getting at least twice the attention Dash Dolls could ever bring in. But then her face would have dropped to a Botoxed frown when she did some reading and realized it wasn’t the good kind of attention.

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Ian Somerhalder Threw Out Nikki Reed’s Birth Control Pills So That She’d Get Pregnant

September 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Annoying new age woo woo loving couple Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder like to make it seem like they are perfectly in sync with the universe and with each other. But according to UsWeekly, Nikki let it slip during an interview that Ian’s a bit of a rogue, baby thirsty, birth control snatching creeper.

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Rachel Bilson And Hayden Christensen Might Have Ended Because He Didn’t Like Going Out

September 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen, a couple almost more mid-2000s than Ryan Cabrera taking a picture of a choice male hottie Teen Choice Award with a Motorola Razr phone, have recently split after 10 years together. One of the details given about the current status of what’s going on is that they’re “completely, officially done.” If People magazine’s source is to be believed, they’re completely, officially done because Rachel liked to go out and do stuff and Hayden didn’t.

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Jerry Lewis Left Six Of His Children Off Of His Will

September 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Man, it really sucks to be one of Jerry’s Kids. And I don’t mean one of the ones with Muscular Dystrophy, they were lucky to have him. I mean it must suck to be one of Jerry Lewis’ actual kids, because he smooth wrote six of them out of his will! I mean, we know he was a salty old bird but he took that shit to a whole other level and salted his own grave.

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Sofia Richie Got Caught Kissing Scott Disick

September 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Last we heard from “sources,” Sofia Richie (pictured above at her 19th birthday party at The Ivy last month) and 34-year-old Scott Disick were most definitely doing it and couldn’t stop doing it, and now it looks like they’ve taken their blessed union, which will last forever, public by getting caught kissing by a paparazzo they totally didn’t call themselves.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Cracker Jack Cereal!

If there is a heaven, I hope I get in (cut to the bouncer at heaven’s gates cackling after saying, “I can’t wait to tell that hellbound bitch that he’s not on the list!“), because the welcome breakfast in the orientation room definitely consists of all the cereals from the 80s and 90s that we didn’t get a chance to eat since there were so fucking many of them. Cracker Jack Cereal is one of those.

Mr. Breakfast says that the Ralston-Purina company made a cereal version of Cracker Jack in 1983. Just like Cracker Jack, the Cracker Jack Cereal had a prize in every single box. This was before those Cracker Jack whores got cheap and replaced their luxurious prizes with a digital code to download some stupid game nobody wants to play. And like most 80s cereal commercials, the Cracker Jack one made it seem like its secret ingredient was crack, because these kids are way too hyper for morning times.

Ralston-Purina was mostly known for making dog and cat food, and so I’m not saying that Cracker Jack Cereal was probably back stock of doggy dry food covered with corn syrup, but if it was, I still would.

Pic: Pinterest

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