Six months after Kim Kardashian was held at gunpoint in her apartment in Paris and robbed of millions in jewels, she appeared on an episode of Ellen and swore her days of flaunting her diamonds on Instagram were over. Kim wanted to live a less “materialistic” life. For a while she did. Kim must have decided that nine months was long enough, because she has recently returned to her tacky self.
Happy Martin Luther King Day! Since we don’t have our own giant pile of racist garbage to deal with (/sarcasm), we must turn our attention across the pond to find some trash that needs throwing out.
Meet Henry Bolton and his lady love Jo Marney. According to Newsweek, Henry is the leader of Britain’s “far-right” UK Independence Party (UKIP) and Jo is a “25” year old “Presenter. Music Journalist. Model. Actor. Brexiteer” who was also a member of UKIP until she got busted sending racists text messages about Meghan Markle.
Dolores O’Riordan, who was the lead singer of The Cranberries, died today in London, and the out-of-nowhere news came from her publicist. The statement only says that Dolores was in London and died “suddenly.” The me of today and the teenage me who put Linger, Zombie” and Dreams on every mixtape he made just screamed “FUCK NOT DOLORES O’RIORDAN” at the same time. She was only 46 years old. Here’s the full statement her publicist released.
“Irish and international singer Dolores O’Riordan has died suddenly in London today. She was 46 years old. The lead singer with the Irish band The Cranberries, was in London for a short recording session. No further details are available at this time.
Family members are devastated to hear the breaking news and have requested privacy at this very difficult time.”
The trailer for season two of The Handmaid’s Tale is here and it looks like a real no fun bummer; but fashion. It’s a decent trailer but I kinda feel like I’ve seen it all before. For starters, they lost major points for originality by doing that thing they all do these days where instead of dialog there’s a slowed down, minor key version of an uptempo song and it makes me stabby. I want to snap the index finger off of whoever keeps plucking the same key on the piano over and over and over again. Your movie or television program is dark and twisty, WE GET it!
Here’s the trailer.
Like I said, it all seems very familiar. There are only so many times you can stick a camera on a drone to show ladies in red arranging themselves into the form of a pentagram, or whatever. Besides, Busby Berkeley already did it better. Also, there is something Elisabeth Moss does with her face and neck in the scene where she’s with her husband and daughter that I hate. She looks like she’s trying to swallow a frog. Here’s what I saw watching this:
The Martian, Planet of the Apes, that Mean Joe Green coke commercial, Pulp Fiction, The Remains of The Day, Citizen Caine, Cool Hand Luke, The Crucible, a Canadian remake of Born of the Fourth of July, Signs, Miller’s Crossing, that weird 1984 Mac commercial, The Girl on The Train, The Hunger Games.
That said, I enjoy most of those points of reference so I’m on board. I hope Elisabeth manages to hork up whatever it is that’s choking her.
Pic: Hulu via YouTube
If I had to guess what a bad date with Aziz Ansari might be like, I would have pictured him showing up at a restaurant with his Emmy and his Golden Globe and smugly announcing “How about we make this a double date with two of my closest friends,” before sexy winking to the hostess. An anonymous woman recently came forward on the internet, and according to her, her date with Aziz Ansari was much worse than that.
Robin Bell, the visual artiste and activist who used his skills to decorate one of President Shithole 4 A Mouth’s hotels with poop emojis and the words “This Place is a Shithole.”
Robin Bell, a DC-based multimedia artist, has used his weapon of choice (a projector) to spit at Trump before. He’s already projected the words “Pay Trump bribes here” and “Experts agree: Trump is a pig” onto the front entrance of the Trump International Hotel in Washington, DC. But on Saturday night, he created his masterpiece by shitting on the Trump hotel’s opening with happy shit emojis and the word Trump reportedly used when talking about immigrants from Haiti, El Salvador and parts of Africa.
When Robin heard that Trump may have said, “Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?“, during a discussion on immigration reform, he decided to fight back with his art (and caca swirl emojis). Robin’s shithole show (which also included him projecting the words “Not a DC resident? Need a place to stay? Try our shithole”) on Trump International Hotel lasted for 40 beautiful minutes. He told CNN by the time security showed up, he and his team had already finished what they came to do.
“By the time security came out we were already done. We’re not actually touching the building. We’re not on the property.”
Here’s a piece of Robin Bell’s magical shit show:
— robin bell (@bellvisuals) January 14, 2018
And during those 40 minutes, I’m sure the front desk of the Trump International Hotel got a few visits from scat queens looking for the perfect hotel where they can get into some shitty and pissy fun without judgement from housekeeping. And lucky for them, the front desk probably told them all about their special Golden Shower Suite.