Birthday Sluts

May 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Joanna Lumley (70)
Madeline Brewer (24)
Jamie Dornan (34)
Katya (34)
James Badge Dale (38)
Darius McCrary (40)
Julie Benz (44)
Wes Anderson (47)
Kelly Bensimon (48)
D’Arcy Wretzky (48)
Tim McGraw (49)
Judge Marilyn Milian (55)
Ray Parker Jr. (62)
Glen Ballard (62)
Dann Florek (66)
Paul Teutul Sr. (67)
John Woo (70)
Rita Coolidge (71)
Judy Collins (77)

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Open Post: Hosted By Mary Carey For Vice President

April 30, 2016 / Posted by:

DListed goddess and constant source of inspiration, Mary Carey, put herself forward as a potential nominee for Donald Trump‘s running mate yesterday. She unveiled a poster she had made featuring her and Donald as well as why she’s a qualified candidate. Personally, I think she seems very qualified just based on how high she can get that leg up!

Donald is new to the politics game, so he should thank his lucky stars that someone with as much experience as Mary has even considered running alongside him. Carey’s first foray into politics was in 2003 during the California recall election that ended with Arnold Schwarzenegger becoming governor of California, but clearly Mary should have won. She then announced her bid in 2005 for Lieutenant Governor of California but had to drop out for personal reasons. That’s way more know how in the political field than Donald has shown! And her list of qualifications is far more extensive and eloquent than his. My personal favorite is the bullet point that she is “good against Hillary because [she’s] used to girl on girl.”

Let’s hope Donald does the right thing and chooses our elegant flower as his VP hopeful. Here’s more from her very demure announcement:

Pics: Wenn

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A Star Is Born Maybe Update: Lady Gaga And Bradley Cooper Had Dinner

April 30, 2016 / Posted by:

I spoke of cruelty earlier, the cruel possibility of people sullying Prince’s holy name by messing with and releasing music that was locked away. Just like the fear of pain at the sight of a doctor’s needle, it is the anticipation, the threat, that is the worst part. And now we’ve been threatened again. Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga were seen having dinner together last night in L.A.. Which can only mean one, horrific thing… not that I’m speculating or being unfounded…

The last time we checked in with Bradley Cooper’s sure to be definitely good and not a disaster remake of A Star Is Born, all of our silver screen dreams were shattered because Warner Bros. told Beyonce to go call Becky with good hair when they saw how much money she wanted to star in this mess. Knowing that, the only logical conclusion we can come to about why BCoop and Gaga dined together is because he’s now wooing her to be his leading lady. Right? What else could it be. Nothing.

A Star Is Born starring Beyonce and directed by BCoop would have probably been the most incredible thing to ever get nominated for a Razzie, but I’ll take Lady Gaga in it. It’s going to take it from Obsessed 2: Ali’s Revenge to an art school production of Auntie Mame starring a cruise ship drag queen. And here’s Mr Director and his maybe Actress arriving to dinner on a motorcycle:

Pics: Splash

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Justin Bieber Shaved Off His Dreads

April 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Somewhere out there, Ghouliana Rancic is cackling and saying, “I may not have won the war, but this battle is mine!” And while I hate to side with her, I will gladly share in her joy today. The toddler that just won’t go to his room no matter how many time you scream “TIME OUT!“, Justin Bieber, made eyes roll and nearly get stuck up there when he stepped up his bad boy game by getting dreads. Well, the world is a little less douchey today because he shaved them off.

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Prince’s Vault Opened And There May Be New Music In There

April 30, 2016 / Posted by:

As you well know, our world is a cruel one. So cruel that treasured jewels, like Prince, are taken from us while we are forced to endure things like the new and not-improved Rita Repulsa. And Rita Ora. However, we may be getting some more Prince material well into the future because they’ve opened up his vault!

Like any good genius, Prince apparently had a vault behind a giant spinning wheel at his Paisley Park compound in Chanhassen, Minnesota. He was the only one with the combination, so they had to drill that bitch open, reports People. Bremer Bank, who is currently the trustee of Prince’s estate, were the ones that, I imagine, ordered an Acme dynamite kit and blew the door wide open. As was confirmed earlier this week, Prince went on to the great purple lounge in the sky without leaving behind a will, so those hos needed to get in there to tabulate all of his assets.

The speculation, of course, is that there’s tons and tons of unreleased music inside the vault. They released a post death Michael Jackson album (and added Justin Timberlake on a song, how dare they?!) so I’m assuming they’ll try and do the same with Prince.

People spoke to a lawyer that has represented estates for people like Tupac and Left Eye from TLC, and he makes a good point that unreleased material is usually unreleased for a reason. The biggest reason being that it’s in no state to be released and needs a lot of work before being anywhere near what the artist would have put out. It’s really not the same without them around so posthumous releases are always iffy and smell of people whoring out their memory and legacy. Hopefully we don’t hear a new Prince song in a Moutain Dew commercial, please lord. Let’s pray whatever is in Prince’s vault is done enough that people don’t meddle with it and that we don’t have to be insulted by a crappy Prince hologram reluctantly performing with Lady Gaga at next year’s Grammys.

Pic: Wenn

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Aaron Carter Presidential Update: Not Voting Trump

April 30, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s important that the public have people to turn to during times of change, like elections. Some choose to tune into CNN while others rely on Fox News’s zany, Gong Show style approach to “news” and “the truth“. No less important, perhaps more so, are individuals. Like past presidents or others in government. Or the national face of Florida, Aaron Carter. Here at Dlisted, we take Aaron Carter’s political views and opinions very seriously.

Michael K let you know back in March that the living scared straight ad was pretty much a lock for orange birth turd, Donald Trump. Aaron opened up to Esquire and said that despite not being a fan of many of Trump’s stances, like the border wall and banning gay marriage, he was down for him because of tax shit. Aaron filed for bankruptcy to get out of a hefty IRS back tax bill and seeing what Trump is talking about in relation to taxes and the fact Trump has been through a couple bankruptcies with his businesses made Aaron feel like he could relate to him. Well, Trump is probably crying and considering ending his campaign, and hopefully his life, because Aaron has changed his mind!

Aaron tweeted the above yesterday and thank God he did. We can all breathe easy knowing that there’s no way Trump can win now he’s lost this incredibly important voice within the presidential race. I want to know what exactly he’s referring to though by saying he’s “seen a lot”. Does this have anything to do with Kirstie Alley? Did she invite him over under the pretense of talking Trump but then at some point he realized it was just John Travolta in drag? That’s probably what happened. Regardless, let’s all take a moment to thank Aaron for swinging the pendulum away from Trump.

Pic: Wenn

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Sybil!

Every time I see the name “Sybil,” I immediately think of the TV movie that scarred me as a child, where Sally Field has 16 personalities and gets brutally abused by her mom (let’s not even get into that enema and broom scene). But Sybil is also the name of a singer from New Jersey who put out a few albums in the 80s and 90s, and got her biggest hits thanks to Dionne Warwick. Sybil did a cover of “Walk On By,” which I didn’t know about until this morning. The cover of hers I know best is “Don’t Make Me Over.” It came out in 1989 and it played on the radio all the damn time. Burt Bacharach, who co-wrote the song, probably added a big addition to his house using all the money he made from Sybil’s cover.

The video is also pure late-80s and early-90s. It’s got shadow dancing, the Running Man, Hammer pants, vests and chunky dangling earrings from Charlotte Russe. In the late-80s, if you weren’t dancing in dim lighting in front of a white backdrop or behind a white scrim thing, you weren’t dancing at all.

While going through the comments under Sybil’s masterpiece on YouTube, I read a truly touching one. This song was the soundtrack for some special childhood moments:

remember my moms whooped my ass in JC Penny’s in 1989 while this was playing lol

Wikipedia says that Sybil (born name: Sybil Lynch) still performs, but she mostly works as a teacher. If Professor Sybil teaches a course on how to master the art of shadow dancing, sign me up!

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Birthday Sluts

April 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Cloris Leachman (90)
Luke Friend (20)
Travis Scott (24)
Dianna Agron (30)
Gal Gadot (31)
Lilly Ghalichi (33)
Kirsten Dunst (34)
Drew Seeley (34)
Kunal Nayyar (35)
Amanda Palmer (40)
Johnny Galecki (41)
Jeff Timmons (43)
Adrian Pasdar (51)
David Miscavige (56)
Stephen Harper (57)
Lars Von Trier (60)
Michael Wright (60)
Jane Campion (62)
Bobby Vee (73)
Burt Young (76)

Pic: Pinterest

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Night Crumbs

April 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Damn that sneaky bitch Conan O’Brien. Thanks to a little skit on his show, everyone who Googles “Zac Efron putting his leaky peen on a ginger’s face” is going to be really disappointed and will have to pull up their chonies and keep searching – The Superficial 

Emma Stone as Billie Jean King looks more like somebody’s mother circa 1970s going to her weekend job at Hot Dog On A Stick, but I’m still into it – Lainey Gossip

Tobey Maguire is the new Ben Affleck, so says Star Magazine – Celebitchy

What in 90s tragedy HELL is Bella Hadid wearing? – Drunken Stepfather

A warrant was issued for Kim Richards after she skipped out on a few AA meetings. But even though her rep showed up in court and pretty much confirmed that she’s been skipping out on AA meetings, the warrant was pulled. Oh, that L.A. justice system – Reality Tea 

So I guess Amanda Peet really wanted to play Lara Croft? – Pajiba

Not even Brit Brit Spears would fap to this – Towleroad

The Porn Iguana continues to prove that she’s one of the greatest performance artistes of this generation – Jezebel

“I feel like I’m an inspiration for a lot of young girls…” is a sentence that actually came out of Kylie Jenner’s obese rubber worm lips – IDLYITW

And here’s Taylor Swift wearing coochie cutters… – Popoholic

Who cares about Lemonade! Kelly Rowland has some Claritin to peddle – OMG Blog

A PUPPEH!!!! (Oh yeah, and Bella Thorne is in the picture too) – Hollywood Tuna

FYI: Jennifer Lawrence hasn’t touched a peen in a while – HuffPo

The answer is: all of them are sex toys! – The Berry  

Superhead fucked Jay-Z once – Just jared

“Damn, I said stick it in slow...” – Zac Efron in that picture – Popsugar

People are selling rain water from the day Prince died on eBay, because why not? – SOW

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Tom Brady’s Got A Vintage Bieber On His Head Now

April 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Go ahead and add that picture to Tom Brady’s ever-growing gallery of one hundred percent pure hair fabulousness:

tombradyoldhairstyles

Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen and their kids strut out of some restaurant in NYC today after having lunch and you can’t tell from these pictures, but animal control chased after him, because they thought that thing on his head was a dead Lhasa Apso.

Yes, Gisele Bundchen was at one time the highest paid model in the world and was on the cover of a bunch of magazines or whatever, but the real fashion star of the family is Tom Brady. Tom has given us a douche mop (see: picture on the left), a douche tail (see: picture in the middle), a douche hawk (see: picture on the right), and today he looked like he scalped Justin Bieber circa 2010 and threw that trick’s hair on his head. There’s also a touch of early-90s Bruce Jenner in there. You know the Salon Selectives jingle was playing in his head as he strut in front of the paparazzi. Salon glow….

With those glasses on, Tom looks like he’s starring in a really low-budget community theater production of American Gigolo: The Musical and that really is the look.

Pics: Splash, FameFlynet

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