Olivia Jade Is Supposedly Pissed At Her Parents For Ruining Her Life 

/ March 22, 2019

Rumor #976,899 about the Operation Varsity Blues scandal came out yesterday about how William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman’s marriage is feeling the strain. You solely going down for what your husband probably did too can do that to a marriage. Well, bribing your way into college seems to be a bad choice for all families, as now it’s being reported that Lori Loughlin and Mossimo’s daughters hate them for messing with their lives their Instagram likes.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ March 22, 2019

The Falcon Jizz Hat!

This story about a jaunty hat that is decorated with falcon cum is a little on the old side, but it was Confucius who said: It is never too late to make a falcon jizz hat Hot Slut of the Day. Or maybe that was Cumfucius who said that. I don’t know, but here we are.

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Birthday Sluts

/ March 22, 2019
Matthew Modine (60)
Nick Robinson (24)
Cody Gifford (29)
Tyler Oakley (30)
Tania Raymonde (31)
Constance Wu (37)
Mims (38)
Shannon Bex (39)
Kellie Shanygne Williams (43)
Reese Witherspoon (43)
Cole Hauser (44)
Anne Dudek (44)
Guillermo Díaz (44)
Elvis Stojko (47)

Pic: MGM

Keegan-Michael Key (48)
Meghan Chavalier (50)
Rick Harrison (54)
Stephanie Mills (62)
Lena Olin (64)
Bob Costas (67)
Fanny Ardant (70)
Wolf Blitzer (71)
Andrew Lloyd Webber (71)
William Shatner (88)
Pat Robertson (89)
Stephen Sondheim (89)
Yayoi Kusama (90)
Marcel Marceau (1923-2007)
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Night Crumbs

/ March 21, 2019

Us Weekly is saying that Lady Gaga and Jeremy Renner aren’t a thing yet, but they are hanging out. Oh lord, you get Lady Gaga to come over because your “roommate” is a Little Monster and wants to meet her, and suddenly the tabloids are insinuating that you and her are about to sign a relationship contract. Poor Renner! – Lainey Gossip 

In a piece she wrote for The New Yorker, Emilia Clarke revealed that she had two brain aneurysms and almost died twice. The first one happened after the first season of Game of Thrones, and about a month after surgery, she went back to work and was terrified she was going to die. And here I am complaining that I need to take two days off to deal with a little headache – Just Jared

The book sequel to Call Me By Your Name is coming out this October and part of it features Elio’s dad meeting someone on a train. Now I have the image of Michael Stuhlbarg fucking a peach in the bathroom of a train – Towleroad

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Elizabeth Holmes’ Family Wants You To Know That Her Deep Voice Is Real

/ March 21, 2019

If you just bought a wig made out of splintered straw, a thick black runny marker for your eyes, toothpicks to keep your eyelids open, and a black turtleneck, then I’m going to assume two things. 1. You watched HBO’s The Inventor. And 2. You’re getting a really early jumpstart on Halloween by putting your Elizabeth Holmes costume together.

Elizabeth Holmes is that fallen fauxllionaire who scammed people into thinking she invented Post-Its. Oh wait, no, that’s another deep-voiced lying business woman (no offense to Romy White). Elizabeth Holmes is the Stanford dropout who got some of the country’s richest and most powerful pepaws to invest millions into some $35-printer-from-Staples looking ass machine that was supposed to run up to 200 tests with just one drop of blood. I bet if you put a drop of Elizabeth’s blood in there, it’ll tell you that it’s 100% snake oil. Actually, no it wouldn’t, because that would mean the machine worked, and we all know it didn’t.

STAINS’ shifty human cousin and her company, Theranos, lied about a lot of shit like being able to run 200 tests from one drop of blood, her Husky being a wolf, and some say she faked her Romy voice too. But Elizabeth’s family has used TMZ to defend her against the fake voice truthers, because the sound of her voice is what really matters here. And oh yes, they also defend her against the whole “defrauding investors and putting people’s health at risk” thing.

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An American Figure Skater Is Accused Of Slashing Her South Korean Rival’s Calf On Purpose

/ March 21, 2019

That rabbit knows what’s up.

I guess, uh, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? Hot off the heels (skates?) of when I, Tonya reminded us how nasty the world of figure skating could really be, 22-year-old American figure skater Mariah Bell (above with the scaredy rabbit) has been accused of attacking her rival, 16-year-old Lim Eun-soo from South Korea, at the Skating Union World Figure Skating Championships in Japan yesterday. Lim’s agency claims Mariah kicked Lim with her skate, cutting the skater’s calf. Someone please contact Allison Janney, as we are going to need her to play Mariah’s mother. Is that bird available, too? Continue reading

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