Lori Loughlin Will Serve Her Sentence At A Prison That Offers Pilates, Yoga, And Origami Classes

/ September 18, 2020

Welp, Lori Loughlin, and Mossimo Giannulli are about to make Felicity Huffman‘s 11 days in prison look like Guantanamo. Page Six claims that the prisons that Lori and Mossimo will serve their sentences at are pretty “cushy.” This isn’t some 60 Days In shit! I mean, they teach pilates there, but I’m sure Lori will scream, “NO SOULCYCLE STUDIO?! Ugh, just send me to Death Row while you’re at it!

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The “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” Reading Gave Us A Jerk-Off Scene Featuring Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston

/ September 18, 2020

The dreams of any remaining TEAM ANISTON t-shirt owners had already come true last month when it was reported that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt would reunite for a live at-home reading of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. As promised, Jen and Brad reunited last night on Zoom for the Fast Times reading, to benefit Sean Penn’s CORE charity. And Brad and Jen must have been feeling extra charitable because they gave everyone at home an image for the ages by recreating the Phoebe Cates/Judge Reinhold jerk-off scene.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ September 18, 2020

Splash, Jon Hamm’s new rescue pooch!

Yeah, yeah, maybe Jon Hamm should get the HSOTD stamp of approval for adopting an adorable pooch who was returned to the shelter twice, but I’m giving Splash the HSOTD stamp of approval because he’s now the envy of many slobbery bitches. And somebody should tell Splash to be careful when sitting that close to The Hammaconda. It may mistake him for a capybara and swallow him whole!

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Birthday Sluts

/ September 18, 2020
Frankie Avalon (80)
Patrick Schwarzenegger (27)
Jinkx Monsoon (33)
Angela Simmons (33)
Keeley Hazell (34)
Danielle Jonas (34)
Nina Arianda (36)
Alison Lohman (41)
Billy Eichner (42)
Barrett Foa (43)
Sara Haines (43)
Ronaldo (44)
Jason Sudeikis (45)
Xzibit (46)
Towanda Braxton (47)
James Marsden (47)
Lance Armstrong (49)

Pic: Amazon

Jada Pinkett Smith (49)
Aisha Tyler (50)
Tara Fitzgerald (53)
Ricky Bell (53)
Holly Robinson Peete (56)
Joanne Catherall (58)
Lori and George Schappell (59)
Jeana Keough (65)
Anna Deavere Smith (70)
Robert Blake (87)
James Gandolfini (1961-2013)
Dee Dee Ramone (1951-2002)
Satan’s Angel (1944-2019)
Fred Willard (1933-2020)
June Foray (1917-2017)
Agnes de Mille (1905-1993)
Greta Garbo (1905-1990)
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Night Crumbs

/ September 17, 2020

What in Amelia Earhart gone disco on a budget HELL was Taylor Swift wearing at the ACMs last night? – Lainey Gossip 

Turns out that plenty of people are not like my cheap ass and don’t say, “Fuck it, I’ll catch it on HBO for free next year”, when they see a rental price tag on a movie, because Mulan has made $260 million so far – Pajiba

Um, more lies from a Kartrashian because you know Kylie Jenner’s bag is really just filled with lead-based orange paint and Juvederm syringes – Celebitchy

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Ashley Tisdale Is Pregnant

/ September 17, 2020

Ashley Tisdale is pregnant! Alright! OK! This will be the High School Musical actress’ first child with her husband, musician Christopher French. No word on how far along the future momma is, but I’m guessing this was a baby created in quarantine. There’s only so many puzzles you can assemble before flopping ass-backward onto the couch and snarling, “Ehhh, just stick it in me.”

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