Afternoon Crumbs

/ May 28, 2020

Henry Cavill may stuff his muscles into Superman’s leotard again but not for a Man of Steel movie. Henry may do a cameo as Superman in another DC movie. They could’ve saved some money by using a stack of bricks and telling us that it’s Henry as Superman and nobody would know. Okay, okay, a really hot stack of bricks  – Lainey Gossip 

If there’s ever a romaine lettuce shortage, we know to blame Laura Jeanne Poon! – Celebitchy

The coronavirus quarantine has brought on may realizations. Some realize that the bread they try to make tastes like bland turds compared to the preservatives-filled goodness you can buy in the store (aka my realization) while others realize they like dick – Towleroad

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Wanda Sykes Showed Scott Baio Who’s Really In Charge

/ May 28, 2020

As if our current political discourse wasn’t ridiculous enough as it is, alleged tiny dick haver and Donald Trump superfan Scott Baio has entered the chat. Last week, presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden got his gaffe on when his appearance on The Breakfast Club ended with him saying “you ain’t black” [if you vote for Trump]. At the time, Wanda Sykes, comedian and former producer/writer for the revival of Roseanne, defended Joe’s remarks on Twitter, saying that it was a (bad) joke and at least “he didn’t say 2 go shoot Clorox in our tits.” Scott, presumably still smarting from having recently injected Clorox in his tits, took offense. Scott thought he was back in charge of something and tried to let Wanda know what time it was. Lo and behold, he must have one of those sex watches like Drake has, because he was spot on! It absolutely was Wanda’s Foot Up His Ass-O’Clock.

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Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Continue To Try To Get Along

/ May 28, 2020

From September 19, 2016 to this year, there’s been story after story about how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are at each other’s throats while fighting for custody of their children. But recently, we’ve heard differently. And the latest development might actually shock you more than seeing Angelina in a floral print. Sources are saying that Angelina and Brad are currently on friendly terms.

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Gabrielle Union Says Simon Cowell’s Smoking Gave Her Bronchitis On The Set Of “America’s Got Talent”

/ May 28, 2020

Last fall Gabrielle Union and Julianne Hough were fired as judges on NBC’s America’s Got Talent. It soon came out that Gabrielle’s forced exit may have been related to her “difficult” (sigh) habit of calling out on-set racism and sexism. By December, AGT was being investigated by SAG-AFTRA, and NBC was in full damage control mode, claiming they were working with Gabrielle’s people to “hear more about her concerns”.

Gabrielle has tweeted a little about these reports, including responding to AGT host Terry Crews’ sycophant “huh? NBC isn’t racist” comments.  But she hasn’t given a full account of her experience. Not until an interview with Variety, where she got into it. Gabrielle says she realized something was rotten in the state of AGT from Day One, when fellow judge/executive producer Simon Cowell casually smoked indoors. Not just a violation of public health laws, but dangerous, because Gabrielle is highly allergic! Continue reading

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Open Post: Hosted By Keaunu Reeves Continually Messing Up The Original Title Of “John Wick” 

/ May 28, 2020

Keanu Reeves is a modern Canadian Renaissance man. Award-winning actor (THREE MTV Movie Awards, thankyouverymuch), humble philanthropist, avid motorcyclist, internet meme, alleged immortal, and all-around good guy. Well, now Keanu can add marketing whiz to his resumé, because his special mind is the only reason the John Wick movies are named after their titular character.

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YouTube Couple Myka And James Stauffer Brought The Tears As They Explained Why They Placed Their Adopted Autistic Son From China With A New Family 

/ May 28, 2020

Yesterday, I kept seeing headlines about a “YouTube couple” and usually my brain automatically shuts down after seeing those words but then I saw the word “rehomed” and figured they gave up an animal after it chewed one of this lady’s Tory Burch suede flip-flops. But they didn’t give up an animal. They gave up a human child. A human child they adopted from China two and a half years ago and who was a part of their family and helped up their YouTube subscriber count and get them sponsors.

The YouTubers Myka and James Stauffer named the now four-year-old boy Huxley Stauffer and documented the adoption process, which brought them thousands of new subscribers and more money. But when their followers noticed that Huxley wasn’t in recent YouTube videos, Myka and James put on their shaky “THIS IS SO HARD” voices and slathered themselves in innocent angel white to bring the glycerine tears in a video explaining that they found Huxley a more suitable home because he’s Autistic and they just weren’t equipped to deal with his special needs. Every piece of shit in the land is throwing a look like, “And people call ME a piece of shit?!

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