Because Whoopi Goldberg has been out at The View for over a week, there’s a theory that she’s in Los Angeles, secretly rehearsing for the Oscars and is going to be the surprise host on Sunday. This Oscars has been ten kinds of messy so far, so I could see this happening. And about 30 seconds into her opening monologue, I bet a giant hook will pull her off stage after producers suddenly discover her “rape rape” comment from 2009 – Lainey Gossip
FYI: Ruth Bader Gingsburg gets a tingle in the loins from Armie Hammer – Pajiba
Okay, okay, okay, Jennifer Lopez has redeemed herself for that strip mall Reno casino Motown tribute, and I’m only saying that because of the exquisite Lucite heels on her feets – Drunken Stepfather
If Saturday Night Live wants to heal this country, they’d get Idris Elba to do his opening monologue ass out naked. Hell, get his dick lips to do the monologue and the entire world would be healed – Towleroad
Fashion legend and salty bitch Karl Lagerfeld died yesterday, and I think it may be the only time we ever see Anna Wintour shed a tear since she’s now the undisputed Queen B of fashion. Oh, wait. Choupette is still alive. Better luck next time, Anna. Most celebs did what celebs do best, and that’s to use a death to show off themselves rocking a certain lewk and casually mention how devastated they are in a mild tone-deaf caption – but not Jameela Jamil!
She used Karl’s death day to say she wouldn’t be wasting any minutes mourning someone who once called Adele fat and said Kim Kardashian only had herself to blame for her Parisian robbery. Cara Delevingne, a Chanel muse, then had to wade in and defend Kunty Karl.
As you sit there, comfortable in your pampered existence, never forget that there’s a whole other world of pain, turmoil and danger up #inthesestreets. Well, to be more exact, up #ontheseslopes. Gwyneth Paltrow knows better than anyone about the dangers of the dog-eat-dog world of recreational skiing, especially since she got slapped with a lawsuit by a man who accused her of skiing into him on the mean slopes of Park City, Utah. Now Gwyneth is taking justice into her own hands by enacting what is called a “Connecticut Drive-by“. Gwyneth is counter-suing Dr. Terry Sanderson, claiming that it was he who skied into her! And she’s digging the knife in even further by pulling a Randolph and Mortimer Duke on him and asking for retribution in the sum of $1, according to TMZ.
If I had matched the Beatles record by getting three top three songs on the Billboard Hot 100, you can bet my ass would spend a night blowing my latest royalty check on booze, poutine, and, uh, entertainment at one of Montreal’s finest male strip clubs. In the case of Ariana Grande, she celebrated with a two-hour chat with society’s perennial butt wart, Piers Morgan. Despite their earlier feminist/nudity beef, these two actually seem to be getting along. Gag.
Lady Gaga will probably be hitting the red carpet at this Sunday’s upcoming Academy Awards minus one because her engagement to talent agent Christian Carino is over, though it may have been a done deal long before the official announcement was made yesterday by one of Gaga’s reps. However this entire relationship was frowned upon with side eyes and sighs because those closest to the ex-couple had a feeling that it wouldn’t last very long.
Why’d the Russian dog cross the road? To get to the Faberge egg on the other side! Ok, I’ll let myself out. It was really snowy in the city of Chelyabinsk, Russia, the other day, but a local pup still had shit to do.