Sources Claim That Emily Ratajkowski Had Already Broken Up With Eric Andre Before His Valentine’s Day Post
With St. Patrick’s Day fast approaching, Emily Ratajkowski is taking no chances with Eric “Mr. Shenanigans” André, who might try to use the holiday to promote their conjoined asses (well, her ass, his tumtum) on Instagram like he did on Valentine’s Day when he shared a cheeky nude mirror pic. Many to that pic as a confirmation of their love. But according to E! News, a source claims that Emily had already broken up with him “days before he posted that photo” and that “she had nothing to do with the posting.” It’s a good thing Emily doesn’t mind people looking at her ass. But apparently, she no longer wishes to be, in any shape or form, even remotely and or tangentially, associated with that other ass. The lengths people will go to distance themselves from Chester Hanks are truly remarkable!
Horrible news for believers in true love but great news for companies who make antibiotics (since a single Machine Gun Kelly may openly be on the loose again). The discount Pam and Tommy Lee, MGK, and Megan Fox, may be over. Actually, I shouldn’t even say “may” because Megan Fox has wiped MGK from her Instagram, and that’s a bigger break-up sign than her cutting off her finger with her trapped engagement ring on it. And before Megan let the world know that she’s probably single for now, MGK let us know that during a recent performance, he got electrocuted, and that may be code for “I got dumped.”
The M&M’s company has been through it recently. First, the green one lost her high-heeled boots resulting in some angry (and horny) right-wingers demanding that the company make their candies sexy again. Then M&M’s introduced a new female purple peanut candy. This incensed the same group who accused the brand of making their candies “obese.” Feeling the ire of the outrage machine, M&M’s announced that they were retiring the spokescandies and melting them into one single chocolate bar as punishment for their crimes. Maya Rudolph would take their place to ease the pain of their loss. If you were distraught by the news and thought the only way you would ever see the sexy green one or the snarky red guy again was through YouTube videos or VHS tapes of commercials in your basement, then wipe those tears away. It’s a dumb Super Bowl stunt.
From The Department Of Possible Super Bowl Ad Stunts: Maya Rudolph Has Put The M&M Mascots Out Of A Job!
Last year, M&M’s announced a little change-up to their line-up of mascots, and it SHOOK THE WORLD (not really). They decided to retire Ms. Green M&M’s Nancy Sinatra-approved go-go boots for a knock-off pair of Common Project sneakers and also tone down her totally slutty eyelashes. In addition to that, they gave the brown M&M more sensible heels, made the orange one more anxious (it was 2022, we were all more anxious and still are), and added a new mascot, Ms. Purple. Since in 2022 there was nothing really newsworthy to report, Fox News’ Tucker Carlson dedicated an entire segment of his show to slamming the “woke” M&M mascots and whining about how he wouldn’t want to have a drink with any of the new “non-binary” M&Ms. Basically, it seemed he was mad that he no longer has the urge to jizz on an M&M, which probably made the guests in his green room immediately dump the bowl of M&M’s on the end table next to the sofa. To think, they thought those candies were just covered in a weird new coating that M&M’s was trying out. Well, M&M’s is making yet another mascot change and, this time, decided to play it safe by going with someone who Tucker Carlson will never ever get publicly horny for: a Black and Jewish woman! They announced today that the one and only Maya Rudolph will be the new face of M&M’s.
An Ex-Rep For Kim Kardashian Says That Time She Got Flour-Bombed In 2012 Was Planned And She Was In On It
2012 was a much simpler time for Kim Kardashian. Paris Hilton’s former closet organizer was allowed to wear whatever hideous pleather suit from Express she desired without flack from der Fashion Führer. The Met Gala would’ve cackled in her face at the notion of her being invited, so she had no need to beg and “work her fucking ass off” to “fit” into an icon’s dress for a few minutes. And her now-mandated neutral aesthetic was generously gifted to her in the form of a “PETA flour-bombing” on the red carpet of her True Reflection (LOL said all of us who’ve seen every version of her face) perfume launch. We all laughed when bitch got bombed; but apparently, it was Kim who got the last laugh because a PR rep who worked with her during that time said the whole thing was a planned “media moment.”
Cher Showed Off A Huge Diamond Ring That Her Boyfriend, Alexander Edwards, Gave Her For Christmas, But A Source Says They’re Not Engaged
Last month, 76-year-old Cher was papped holding hands with 36-year-old music producer Alexander “AE” Edwards, and a minute later, she confirmed that they’re bumping parts full-time and are together. Since Cher is Cher, I’m sure people are always throwing engagement rings at her in hopes of becoming her third husband. But on Christmas Day, Cher tweeted a picture of a gift from AE, and it looked exactly like a big, sparkly engagement ring. And since Cher is Cher, the tweet confused many who didn’t know if the ring was just a Christmas gift or an engagement. According to E! News, Cher’s accountants don’t need to ring her up to say, “Schnap out of it!” because she is not engaged.