Kraft is looking to get sexy this Valentine’s Day and is running a new Kraft Mac Is For Lovers campaign, which has me thinking, “The fuck?” Kraft’s new Big Bowl mac and cheese is apparently the perfect Valentine’s Day meal for couples with children they want to quickly feed and put to bed so they can hump each other in their locked bedrooms down the hall.
That Peloton commercial , which is so fucking cringe it gave me a neck spasm, is still being filleted online. So much so that now the company is reportedly thinking of pulling the commercial completely over claims that it’s sexist and creepy. And they have good reason to pull it, aside from getting shit on by Twitter. Apparently, Peloton has lost millions in value over it.
In People-Really-Will-Buy-Anything News, a shoe created to mock “collab culture” which cost almost $1,425 sold out in minutes. Yes: the design company MSCHF decided to make a statement and gag the public, and instead they got gagged themselves by sort of accidentally making a huge monetary success out of a prank. Enter: the highly expensive “Jesus Shoes”.
During Joaquin Phoenix’s appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last week, Jimmy Kimmel played an outtake shot during filming of Joker, in which serious actor Joaquin tears a verbal strip off “Larry,” the film’s cinematographer. Jimmy said the clip came from Joker director Todd Phillips. In the clip, Joaquin condescendingly accused Larry (aka Lawrence Sher) of constantly whispering during takes, and nicknaming a diva-ish Joaquin “Cher.” If you watched that video and felt like it was written, directed, and produced by a company called Viral Celebrity Tantrums Inc., you’d be correct. Larry spilled the beans to Business Insider, saying it was a prank.
BuzzFeed News says that Joan of Arc can shut the hell up, sit down and eat her food, because there’s a new Saint on the block chosen by God to lead us to a better path! Her name is Amra Olević Reyes (the Kardashian Klone above) and she is here to awaken us from our sinful, hateful ways! We should love our fellow man and judge not others! And that includes MOST OF ALL the SACRED, the UNDERPRIVILEGED, the LONG-JUDGED and PURELY BENEVOLENT group known as: Influencers.
I hope one day people of The Internet, including US, will realize that marketing people and interns do things like this specifically to get us talking about them and that our constant complaints and offering of unwanted opinions is really only giving these people who infuriate us exactly what they want: Attention. And Little Debbie sure got it when that little ginger brat decided to tell us what her best snacks were. Like, excuse you, we’ll be the judges of that. And we were.