In news that has shocked a nation to its core, Chris Brown once again proved that society should never have given him that redemption arc after news came out that he jumped Usher. TMZ says that the incident took place at a skate rink birthday party for Chris. Presumably, Usher blew out Chris’s candles and ate the biggest birthday cake, resulting in the 34-year-old having a tantrum and trying to beat up Usher. Wuh oh, looks like somebody’s just entered their terrible (mid-)thirties!
Sources Claim That Emily Ratajkowski Had Already Broken Up With Eric Andre Before His Valentine’s Day Post
With St. Patrick’s Day fast approaching, Emily Ratajkowski is taking no chances with Eric “Mr. Shenanigans” André, who might try to use the holiday to promote their conjoined asses (well, her ass, his tumtum) on Instagram like he did on Valentine’s Day when he shared a cheeky nude mirror pic. Many to that pic as a confirmation of their love. But according to E! News, a source claims that Emily had already broken up with him “days before he posted that photo” and that “she had nothing to do with the posting.” It’s a good thing Emily doesn’t mind people looking at her ass. But apparently, she no longer wishes to be, in any shape or form, even remotely and or tangentially, associated with that other ass. The lengths people will go to distance themselves from Chester Hanks are truly remarkable!
Open Post: Hosted By Gwyneth Paltrow Saying That Rectal Ozone Therapy Is The Weirdest Wellness Thing She’s Done
Since starting Goop in 2008, Gwyneth Paltrow aimed to share ways to “nourish the inner aspect” through unconventional and expensive wellness fads and lifestyle items with other wildly pretentious people, and also to turn a profit, obviously. So, she’s tried a lot of things over the years, but while guesting on The Art of Being Well, she shared that the strangest wellness thing she’s ever tried is rectal ozone therapy, which is when ozone gas is pumped right into your fart-box. Though the FDA warns against it, Gwyneth (and others who also aren’t qualified to give medical advice) claim it has many benefits.
Blac Chyna’s New Life Journey Includes A Breast Reduction And Having The Silicone Removed From Her Ass
Just when we thought we’d finally live long enough to see what these newfangled fake asses look like after decades of hard sitting, Blac Chyna ups and decides to embark on a “life-changing journey” that includes getting her “breast and Gluteus maximus” reduced. Vibe reports that Chyna has shared parts of her journey on Instagram to inspire others to think twice before letting some doctor inject their ass with industrial-grade silicone just so their career can peak with getting knocked up by the poorest and least popular Kardashian. Ladies, don’t do it—it’s just not worth it!
I didn’t know it was possible to be a member of two different cults simultaneously yet Kirstie Alley has proved that anything is possible if you’re dumb enough. Back in October, Kirstie let it be known that she was going to vote for Donald Trump, thus pledging her allegiance to the MAGA movement and embracing all that comes with it. She called Nancy Pelosi EVIL, and quoted QAnon’s now-suspended Twitter Page saying “WHERE WE GO ONE WE GO ALL *American flag emoji* I like it.” Yet, after last Wednesday’s insurrection (look at me, casually mentioning an insurrection when it should be The Kid’s Choice Awards or some shit. What a year[s]) Kirstie had an opportunity to distance herself from the mob but instead chose to lean on her all caps key and assert that Twitter’s decision to suspend Trump’s Twitter account was “SLAVERY” and that “BIG TECH” now holds “the keys to the chains.” Please forgive her. It must be so confusing holding competing ideologies that are both rooted in science fiction, especially considering the fact that one of them probably involves literal slavery. And let’s not forget the fact that she is also, apparently, very, very dumb.